Earlier today I reported a slight change of feeling, I felt better towards the LDS church.
And though that positive attitude hasn't entirely washed away, it wasn't hard for me to just sit and remember and feel unhappy about the religion.
1) My leaders in the past made some real bad decisions. Just remembering this alone turned me off the church.
2) I was just laying in bed this evening, when I remembered all the trouble the church has with masturbation. It's so important to not feel those feelings without my spouse, that you'll make me want to kill myself, and because the ladies only want worthy returned missionaries I'll never get married anyway. Yay - it's so important to never feel those feelings without my spouse that I must commit ritual suicide and no one will ever marry me anyway. Yay.
Yup ---- Just remembering these two things kind of toned down the positive attitude I was having about the church. I just have real bad memories. And, of course, as LDS doctrine goes, just because I even remember these things, I am now the worse bigger sinner than the person who created the problem in the first place.
All I had to do was remember --- and now I am a horrible man.
A system that punishes the victim. That's point #3.
At least I'm not getting carried away and I think I can still handle paintball with the elders quorum this weekend.