Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Options and an Answer

So, I was thinking out loud about that voice I thought I heard that said "She's with you" to me in relation to Avril Lavigne back in late 2002.

I came up with three options:

1) The devil told me that.
If the devil told me to be with Avril Lavigne, then Avril Lavigne must be some kind of very very wrong or bad person, and therefore she will never come to heaven and have no chance of salvation.

2) It was a brain chemistry problem.
If it was a brain chemistry problem, then this whole business my patriarchal blessing told me about working miracles, hearing the voice of the holy ghost, and being a travelling preacher to the nations can't and won't happen because I'm actually just insane. Yes - the patriarch told me a bunch of stuff would happen, but it actually can't happen because of how my brain doesn't work, despite having grown up the smartest boy in the class in school.

3) It actually was the holy ghost.
If it was actually the Holy Ghost, then the past bishop I had was completely "full of it" because he said God would never have said that, over how wrong Avril Lavigne's clothes are. If it was the Holy Ghost, then it was an act intended to spread the work of salvation, saving Avril, saving me, saving whoever it could. And the bishop was not right because he didn't believe the holy ghost would say this.

When I asked my dad which of these options it was, he actually decided that it was option #3 - that my church leader was wrong and that the holy ghost very well could have told me that Avril is with me, or that I'm with her, or whatever.

THAT MEANS--- I could very well get married, because, yet again, we are determining that this diagnosis of just plain insaneness is actually wrong.

So -- according to my own father, I was probably right that the Holy Ghost said that. The bishop was wrong.

In fact, in a past discussion my dad and I determined that I really should have been with Avril, just because of how many different problems that would have solved. Awesome.

So, yeah, I was forced to obey a church leader who was either being a jerk or didn't know what he was talking about, and that church leader can't be criticized for giving me problems - because it's my problem and other members of my ward can't allow themselves to think or deal with it in any form.

At least I'm not just insane. Maybe I can get married.

And it really is too bad that hindsight is what made it 20/20 here --- all along I've made my point, and I'm only suddenly understood years later. At the time it was an important issue, no one cared to listen to me.

So sad.

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