Sunday, March 16, 2014

Body Chemistry

I can never really discuss these things with my father because ever since many years ago he's always responded with a lack of discussion, always something about how he doesn't want to talk about, well, pretty much anything.

I'm sitting here with a psychological need for discussion --- but my father NEVER or RARELY fulfills that need. And I have no friends, no wife, no girlfriend. All I have is a psychiatric doctor and nurse who I see once every 3 weeks.

So, I write on my blog.

I'm not a doctor. But having been treated by psychiatric doctors, I know enough now to know that BODY CHEMISTRY, has EVERYTHING to do with sexual desire, sex drive.

When I was young, I was very much addicted to masturbation. I HAD to do it --- I was always driven every so often to have sex - I had a huge sex drive.

Growing up, the church always told me that having this sex drive should never lead me to any form of sexual activity. The church seemed to understand, in the words of Vaughn J Featherstone (A Self Inflicted Purging) that there is a sex drive --- but they considered it to be a devilish idea that you had to give in to that sex drive, they considered masturbation to be so bloody wrong. The correct thing to do is to NEVER engage in any form of sexual activity, and to "transmute" those urges to other things, other activities.

My problem was that I've never fully understood why masturbation is so wrong, and why we must be saved from it.  What is the seriously ill effect of masturbation that society must be saved from? The question to that answer still eludes me today. The church also never explained exactly how or why or where we were supposed to "transmute" those sexual urges. I ended up being very suicidal about having a serious urge and serious feelings that I could never get rid of until I've masturbated - which is against the rules.

So - What I've learned::: After a few years of being on the psychiatric drug "Risperdal Consta" and then getting off the drug, I found that my sex drive actually DISAPPEARED after YEARS of MEDICAL INTERVENTION involving a chemical that somehow affected my body to lose its sex drive after I stopped taking it. And eventually I was put on other drugs like "Clopixol" or "Zeldox" which actually cause serious, serious sexual desire. Clopixol and Zeldox could likely be considered to be some kind of serious "aphrodisiac".

So, when my natural body chemistry, or my psychiatrically-altered body chemistry, has so much testosterone or whatever chemical in me, how exactly did Elder Featherstone really expect me to "transmute" the feelings and urges caused by these chemicals to "other things"???

I mean, this is just science, body chemistry. I'm supposed to somehow cause chemicals in my body that cause serious sex-drive to do something else in my life. I am somehow supposed to change the purpose and function of these chemicals, according to Elder Featherstone.

And of course I have no idea how, and in the end it just looks like some kind of magical fantasy that Elder Featherstone was having because of his idea that certain chemicals can somehow change the way they react with the human body, going from being sexually driving chemicals into something else.

I've learned that if you have those chemicals in your body, you have to be a supernatural-godlike person in order to change those chemicals into something else so you are no longer sexually driven, or you are just a normal human and you have a huge sex drive just because of your chemistry - and nothing will change that.

And if you are so supernaturally-godlike that you can change your own body-chemistry just by "willing it to happen", then you are, of course, so freakin' insane that you have to now see a psychiatrist and take more drugs.

There you go.


  1. I have dealt with the same thing. The reason why it is wrong is because sexual feelings are to be preserved for use by husband and wife. Yes the sex drive is powerful and hard to ignore, but Christ suffered so that we can overcome these things. I assure you that He felt this too. Did He give into it? No, He was sinless, was it hard for Him not to give into it? yI am pretty sure. Christ can help you with all your trials.
    1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

  2. When I first developed my masturbation problem: I wasn't looking at anything stimulating, and I wasn't even rubbing myself.

    Unless you want to consider the fact that the ghost of a dead ancestor was molesting me, it is quite likely that my body actually just naturally needs sex.

    If you knew how I felt so many times in my life you would know those feelings would drive you crazy.

    Here's a question::: Why is it that after many repeated attempts to ask God to make those feelings stop that those feelings NEVER STOP?? And why is it that I only have to ask God to punish the general authorities once, and then he punishes them for me? I have done this on more than one occasion - in some occasions I didn't even have to ask. Just read The Book of Finch to find out more about that.

    I think it may be understood that masturbation isn't even wrong. I kept asking God to remove the temptations but he never did. In fact, I can feel the holy ghost after I masturbate. hahaha

    But it doesn't take much asking for God to punish general authorities. There you go.

  3. After I had masturbated I felt darkness, but I prayed and read the scriptures and wanted to change. That is when I felt the Spirit. The sex drive is powerful and it takes a while to control it. The feelings don't stop but your self-control will increase. Now I am not trying to press you to do anything. That is your choice. I wish you luck if you have any questions feel free to ask me.

    1. I agree that I also felt very bad for a very long time when I first started having the problem. I wanted to kill myself. Eventually, I stopped feeling bad about it, and could even feel good (the Holy Ghost) with the activity. That may mean God forgave me. I tried to repent::: but no amount of heartfelt sorrow stopped those feelings, and no matter how much I control myself to not do it, well, those feelings persist and the ONLY WAY to get rid of those very strong feelings is to masturbate - in my experience.