Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Asked My Mom a Question

So, today after my psychiatric visit, taking my mom home from her work, I asked her a question:

"Mom, can I work miracles? Am I capable of working miracles?"

She had no answer. She said "That's a good question", but she had no answer for it.

My quick answer was that the Patriarch said I'd work miracles, but the Psychiatrist said I couldn't work miracles.

I would be inclined to believe that the patriarch was actually right, except that the bishop told me to follow the psychiatrist, and therefore the patriarch is wrong, as the bishop can't be wrong because it's wrong to criticize bishops.

I think my brother believes in Mormonism, regardless of how he doesn't go to church. His line of reasoning says that since Joseph Smith Jr. was able to gather believers/followers, he must've been a prophet, more of a "prophet" than me, just because people believed Joseph Smith but not me, so Joseph Smith is true and I'm crazy just because J Smith had believers and I didn't.

Well, at one time most people believed the world was flat, and therefore the world must've been flat right?

Of course, it never occurs to my brother by the same logic that most people don't believe in Joseph Smith, therefore he must've been a false prophet.

Anyway - I believe my patriarchal blessing had power, I believe I've witnessed and performed miracles, I believe much more of the blessing could have come true-

-but didn't because so many people, including members of the LDS church, just rejected my testimony and decided that I was the devil or whatever, that I'm crazy.

So - it's no easy question to answer for my mom, whether or not I can work miracles. The bishop believes I should follow the psychiatrist - therefore the patriarch must've been wrong, right?

I mean, I couldn't actually work miracles, I'm actually just insane right?

I can't hear the voice of the holy ghost, there is no voice of the holy ghost, voices are just insane right?

I was never honoured and respected by anyone, regardless of how I think Avril Lavigne and others sing and make performances about me right? Seeing yourself in the media is just crazy you know.

And because I'm crazy, I can't actually have a wife either.

It is very, very clear that the Patriarch was wrong, right? The Patriarch just gave me some hocus-pocus psychic reading horoscope thing that said some things could happen, but if it doesn't then it's because I'm either crazy, unworthy, or unfaithful - right? It's all my own fault its not true right?

It's so strange how even though the patriarch blessed me to work miracles and hear the voice of the holy ghost, when asked about this many church members including my mother can't or don't resoundingly declare it's true.  Everyone knows Joseph Smith was a prophet right? Well, it appears everyone knows that the Patriarch is wrong and that Kristian is just crazy.

In my personal experience and opinion I know what the patriarch said had validity - but because of really bad decisions made by people around me, it was all taken away.

We all know Joseph Smith was a prophet, but Elder Gerald Melchin the patriarch is just wrong for telling Kristian Attfield that he can work miracles, right everyone?

If I can work miracles - then the bishop was wrong to tell me that I had to follow the psychiatric doctors. But no - the bishop wasn't wrong, because bishops can't be criticized, but since patriarchs aren't leaders, they can be criticized - right?

Who knows where I'm going with this. It just appears that the church rejected the patriarch and myself. The patriarch is obviously crazy. Wow.

If I can actually work miracles -- then why have I spent years of my life being schizophrenic and being told that I don't work miracles??? That was genius work everybody - good job.

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