Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Noting Recognition on HOTM

So, a while back I sent a message to Shawn McCraney of Heart of the Matter telling him some of my questionings about LDS mormonism and he responded just telling me to keep questioning.

A bit more recent I sent another message more or less congratulating him for showing how flawed mormonism is and saying I'm appreciative. I also tell him some of the evidences I see of some kind of magic in the LDS church.

Yes - in the last two episodes of HOTM I think it's clear that he read my message and he's pretty much responded just in the television show. He probably even looked at my book and blog, it seems.

Historically the psychiatric community would tell me that I'm a complete nutter to think that a "famous" person would even recognize me in secret-message format on their show, but I think we can all be certain that the actual explanation for why I say these things is much more mundane than just my insanity.

I thought about what else I'd say in this blog post before I wrote it, but I've forgotten how I was going to segue from the above writing to the next topic, so here it is:

I first left the LDS church in early 2003. I flirted with them for a long time after that, and even if I seem friendly with them at times I think its clear that I'm not going back there anymore. I'm not sure if I'm a member or not a member, I just keep thinking about them likely because of the trauma of having faced the possibility of having to spend the rest of my life working for them, thinking they're so true but actually finding that there's something completely wrong.

If anyone is wondering how far my message or messages reach:: My blog has numerous yet few daily visitors. My first book has been distributed to at least a couple hundred people. Very few people seem to care about purchasing the sequel. My blog does get periods of mass-visitation, but I am mostly just a little guy on the internet, even if I see myself in movies and music. I'm not quite a full "celebrity" or famous person of any sort.

I am quasi-semi-sort-of-almost-famous. Just letting you know how far my words spread.

Actual indications I see and interpret tell me that most people don't really give a hoot about what I say or even my existence.


I should note that though it seemed clear that he was just responding to me and acknowledging me, I can't say for certain either way if his mentioning of the Grand Mal Seizure was actually true or if it was just a response to how I recently finished a book about a woman who converted to mormonism because of what she experienced when she died from having a Grand Mal Seisure. The two are comparable and "coincidental", but I have no way of knowing if it was just a lie to privately acknowledge me or if it's a real true coincidence with this book I just finished reading.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Three Sins

I guess I'd like to make this post about three things that have traditionally been considered sins in my experience.

1. Adultery
2. Homosexual Acts
3. Masturbation

Adultery is a sin according to the Old Testament and New Testament. Homosexual Acts are considered a sin in the Old Testament. And, by some argument I can not longer remember, the LDS church even considered masturbation to be a sin, enough to keep you out of heaven.

So, are these really sins? or were they sin but they aren't anymore?

1. Adultery - Dallin H Oaks said that you can marry a divorced woman in the LDS temple. This is adultery, but now appears to be ALLOWED in mormonism. Looking at pornography is apparently adultery too - but God has given me no indication of any desire to condemn me for doing this. Having sex with another man's wife is adultery, and I believe that is really wrong, but I have no experience with that one so I wouldn't know how to treat it.

So - is adultery a sin? Yes, I'd say it is a sin, but somehow even the LDS church doesn't think too hard about letting it go as well as my own personal relationship with God doesn't seem to worry about it either. So, it's a sin, but it's forgivable.

3. Masturbation - This is a completely unavoidable thing for me and the LDS church really liked to psychologically torment me about it. They always made me feel so unsaved for doing it, but I personally think God could really care less. The Mormons say it's a sin. I think it's unavoidable. If it is a sin - it's nothing to condemn a man over, regardless of how the LDS think it is.

2. Homosexual Acts - The Old Testament makes it clear that homosexual behaviour is a sin, akin to adultery. Apparently Jesus Christ never said anything about homosexuality in the New Testament. But, considering how Adultery is so forgivable and how Masturbation isn't anything well, maybe Homosexuality isn't such a big deal either.

I mean, the Jews said eating Pig Meat was a sin - but now us modern Christians don't think it's a sin anymore. It was sinful, but that rule changed. Who knows how much the rules have really changed, and I don't trust the LDS church to really guide me on that one.

So, Adultery is a sin, but it's easily forgivable, apparently. Masturbation might be considered sinful, but it is also easily forgivable. Homosexual Acts seem so demonized by the LDS church - but I wonder if it's actually no big deal, just like looking at porn and masturbating don't seem to earn me God's vengeance.

Now - I will make clear, looking at porn and masturbating is an excommunicatable offence in the LDS church - but in my personal relationship with God, God doesn't treat it badly (possibly because I've beat myself up over it enough).

I don't think I can trust the LDS church about much anymore - they seem completely whacko in their stance on certain subjects.

It is clear that in the Old Testament that one could be put to death for Adultery, Masturbation and Homosexual Acts ---- but I think it's clear that God in the modern day has decided to not make a big deal out of these things. God totally allows us to do as we please, and if these things are still sins then they are easily forgivable.

Growing up LDS, I had all kinds of misconceptions about different sins including Homosexuality. Now I don't consider it a problem anymore. Especially considering that Jesus never talked about homosexuality and that the LDS church is so completely screwed up that I don't care to listen to them about it.

I am not the person to say if these things are still sinful. I can see that they were once sinful, but for all I know the rules might have changed, just like Pork suddenly being allowed. All I know is that if two of these sins are treated so nicely by God, the third might be forgiven so easily as well.

I apologize for being so pro-LDS and anti-gay. I wouldn't say I'm pro-gay or gay pride, maybe you can consider me neutral or "friendly" but I'm definitely not happy about LDS Mormonism, and I'm definitely not so negative about homosexuals anymore. I just apologize for taking previous stances due to ineptitude in thinking.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Stupidly Feeling Split on the issue - take a side?

I've found that I am one of those dumb people who agrees with the person who is speaking at the time - I have things to agree with pro-mormon media bout and things to agree with anti-mormon media about.

I finished reading that book about that woman who had died and came back to life --- she talked about how when she was dead she learned things and when she found the LDS church later in life, she converted because of the close comparisons she could make between the two.

Considering how flawed the LDS church really is - I would almost or sort of wonder if this woman is actually just fabricating the whole experience. She might not be fabricating it -- but some things about Mormonism are so screwed up that you really have to wonder how the LDS church really could be from the right and true God.

For example: The LDS church is inconsistent with how it treats sins, and treats the severity of crimes with an inverse proportion of punishment. Like, if you were to drink coffee, a harmless thing to do, the church will criticize you and condemn you to less-than-heaven just because you ingested a substance. Masturbation is preferable to fornication, yet they'll still guilt trip  you over the masturbation and make you want to kill yourself over your inability to repent. BUT if you get victimized by a serious sin, like, say, rape, the simple fact that you remember being raped is enough to toss you out of heaven because you aren't forgiving when you remember being raped and you are now guilty of the greater sin and are condemned before the Lord.

Yes --- the church will totally mistreat you about totally small imperfections that are essentially meaningless, and then when you get so wronged or violated you become the greater sinner just by REMEMBERING that any great violation ever happened.

That is actually how mormonism works, it seems.

So, to tell the truth, it does seem very likely that the Mormon or LDS church is actually a creation of the devil. If it's not a creation of the devil, then it's likely that Joseph Smith was just really, really freaking stupid.

So, though I find myself agreeing with certain mormon viewpoints when I see them, and I find myself agreeing with the opposing force when I see it, and though I do have very magical reasons to believe in Mormonism --- the actual fundamental truth about the LDS church is that they have no real concept of proper justice or forgiveness of anything.

I don't really care about being a mormon. I like coffee, I've never quite been able to completely stop masturbating, and the church's justice system is completely messed up. I do believe in Jesus, even that he can appear personally to me.

And though I would like to agree with Ms. Near Death Experience woman about what she experienced and how it related so well to the "true" church of mormonism, I can't help but wonder if she's actually a fraud - because when you actually live in Mormonism, over a while you begin to realize they totally harp on you about little meaningless things whilst condemning you for just remembering the big crimes. It's totally pointless.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

What do I say to people who accuse me of 'breaking my covenant'?

So, I haven't ever said this yet, but it needs saying, because undoubtedly there may be someone out there calling me a covenant breaker because of my masturbation addiction.

1) When I got baptized at the age of 8 years old, I didn't even know the LDS church had ever practised polygamy. In fact, I had never heard of polygamy.

2) Likewise, when I got baptized, I had never heard of and didn't know what masturbation was, or that it was "wrong", so when I got baptized, I didn't have the whole contract set before me. I had no idea that I was agreeing to "never masturbating" when I got baptized.

3) I also had no way of knowing that my body would be just physiologically driven to have sex when I grew older. Heck, I'm not sure I knew anything about sex at that age.

So, I didn't know anything about masturbation or sex when I got baptized, and now that I'm older, and my body can't help but need to have sex, I am accused of breaking a covenant which terms were not made clear to me when I made the covenant.

It's possible that this loophole is the reason why various quorum leaders eventually started having us teachers or priests sign agreements or make agreements with our parents saying we would never do these things, to make it clear to us that we shouldn't --- but the problem is, these leaders were just being "dicks" because by the time they were making us sign these agreements, well, we had already fallen and become addicted.

Essentially, though we knew we had already committed the "sin" and we already knew we were "addicted", though we may not have confessed, our leaders were actually forcing us to sign agreements saying we'd never engage in various behaviours even though we already knew that we already engaged in the behaviour and had no way of stopping. Our leaders were just being abusive, is really what it comes down to. You don't really get a choice about whether or not you'll enter into the agreement, it's already pre-determined essentially. Just research the power of suggestion.

So yeah: what do I say to those who say I broke my covenant by masturbating?

1) When I made the covenant at 8 years old, the terms of the agreement were not made clear and I didn't even know what masturbation was or that I'd be driven to do it when I got older by my natural biology.

2) When forcing me to sign agreements or make covenants later in life making it clear to not engage in this activity, well, we were pretty much just forced to sign agreements because we already knew that we were already addicted and I really had no idea how to stop, regardless of how much you were making me sign the agreement.

So, it's just stupid really.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Reconciling The Issues

If you read my patriarchal blessing, you'd see that I am deemed a servant to the Lord all my days.

So, I go through my life, wondering if God has any work for me. I ask God "What shall I accomplish, what doest thou want me to achieve?"

God's response of late has always been along the lines of "Just be yourself. You are free."

Well, now I think I've found a scripture in 1 Corinthians 7 that verifies that God would say this to me (and therefore I have some evidence that I am not crazy):

1 Corinthians 7:21-22 "Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather.
For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant."

It goes on to say "Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men."

I'd say this sounds like a pretty good deal.

So - what this post is really about::: how is the LDS church true, how is it false, how can the false be reconciled with the true?

I'm not going into whole descriptions here: but there is so much evidence that would say the LDS church is false. There are all kinds of very good reasons to disbelieve in Mormonism.

But I myself also know that there is a clear "magic" in the LDS church, that prophets can answer prayers and patriarchs can be miraculous.

Maybe the LDS church is Satanic - it's way too powerful magically to be a simple fraud of a liar or conman.

It is either of God, or of a less than happy source like Satan.

I admit, Joseph Smith really, really screwed up badly when he made the church. Very, very imperfect. But in my eyes, the fact remains that the LDS church has some kind of magical reality about it --- regardless of how much it is a screwed up and seemingly-counterfeit organization.

So, it is either of God or the Devil - it's that simple.

The church demands such perfection from people, and though this doesn't seem like Christianity and it seems hard to bear - would Satan demand people to be perfect? OK - maybe he would ---- but God would also want perfection too, even biblically, no?

I've been reading a book about a near death experience where the writer apparently met Jesus when she was dead. What she learned in her death vision shows that there might be a greater reality to the LDS church --- and that in order to achieve a spot in the Third Heaven that one really must be "perfect", or strictly follow the commandments.

So - I know there is so much evidence against the LDS church, there are so many reasons to disbelieve in the organization and to leave and disparage and all ---

But from my personal understanding, there is a great possibility that the church really is true, regardless of how completely flawed it is.

I mean, I'm a guy who has been seriously, seriously displeased with Mormonism through his life, but I agree that there is more to this church than the disobedient will claim there to be.

Of course, I'm not sure I really need to attend church anymore or really bother with them in any way (as I am a free man), but I think they have some reality.

OH - for anyone who wonders about "Joseph Smith's false prophecies", yes I agree that he completely screwed up some of his predictions - but in the Bible it says that charity never fails, even if prophecy fails. You see? According the bible itself: prophecy may fail. I don't have the scripture reference right now, I am reciting from memory.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

The Saratov Approach - Cineplex Investor Relations

The following is a letter I sent to Cineplex Investor Relations today:


Dear Cineplex Investor Relations:

I own [###] shares in the Cineplex Corporation, and I'm not exactly sure how much "say" that gives me in how to run this company, but I have a suggestion on something that can be done.

Today my mother came home from her church telling me that there's a new movie called "The Saratov Approach" showing at a competitor's theatre in Canyon Meadows Calgary.

As a sign of good will to a church with whom I personally have sketchy relations with, I would like the Cineplex Corporation to show The Saratov Approach in a Cineplex Theatre at least once or twice, while it is still in the theatrical release stage.

I could say I want the movie to show in my hometown of Calgary, but I will instead say that I will let the makers of The Saratov Approach to show the film in a location of their own choice. If all else fails, I suggest it be shown at Crowfoot Crossing Calgary.

I am hoping that [###] shares in the company is enough to give me some say in what movie gets shown wherever at least once or twice.

This is not because of any desire to turn a profit for the corporation - it's a sign of goodwill to a church that has a very sad history in my life.

Thank you, I hope you understand and will accept my request.

-Kristian J Attfield

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Sober Second Thought

I was so impressed by Elder Callister's talk yesterday - made me love the church again - but I just remember some small details from my actual experience with the church (which can be found in my books) - and I still don't understand how the LDS church really could be the one and only true and valid church of God.

Here's what I remembered:

The characters called the "Liabilitys" in my book were senselessly angry and vicious at me for no perceivable reason. Angry behaviour, or even senselessly angry behaviour, is deemed to be damned in the scriptures. I mean, you are in danger of the judgement in the scriptures for that behaviour, but the church just let them off the hook - they were forgiven. They emotionally/psychologically tormented and brutalized me, and they were just forgiven.

When I did what I did with the missionaries' car, and paid for the damages - was I just let off the hook? Nope. All I did was a little mischief and the church arrests me and forces me on drugs and won't let me believe in God or my personal testimony. I mean - according to the scriptures - I was supposed to be forgiven even if I didn't pay for the damages, which we did pay for - and the church didn't just forgive that.

So, mindless senseless vicious anger is forgiven by the church, despite scriptural resources that say it's really not supposed to be forgiven, while a little bit of mischief which is paid for out of pocket is seriously punished with completely crap.

They say they're the one true church --- but they sure don't make it believable with their behaviour.

Just to re-iterate:

Scripturally, behaviour that's not supposed to be forgiven was forgiven.
Scripturally, behaviour that is supposed to be easily forgiven was definitely NOT forgiven.

It just made no sense. And they claim they are the one true church.

I do have a testimony of their miracles and prophets and stuff --- but my personal life experience with them makes me wary about ever bothering with them ever again --- which is sad because apparently I have to have their sacred ordinances in order to be celestially saved.

They really didn't treat me very nicely - and now I guess I'm damned, even if I was completely willing to serve.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Elder Tad R Callister's CES Devotional


I have to say I was really quite impressed with Elder Callister's CES devotional this January (which only finished watching just moments ago).

It was as if he understood about the war of words on the internet about the LDS church. I am impressed by his firm standing in Mormonism.

I agree that the LDS church is a very good organization. But if you know my personal life, there are some very big reasons why I have not been impressed by the behaviour in the past of certain local members and leaders.

On my blog I show my patriarchal blessing, which states what I should be doing with my life. I believe the patriarchal blessing is true --- but I encountered great problems with my local people in trying to fulfill it.

I will verify that the LDS miracles are very much true and real. I will verify that the church does much good, or at least is supposed to do much good. I will verify that certain general authorities are very much prophetic men who definitely seem to be truly inspired.

As for my own involvement in the church, I am kind of like Noah, trying to figure out if the land is dry. I've seen some friendly indications from some people, and I've seen other less-than-friendly indications from others. I do not know when I'll return to church.

Though I have had some big questions about Mormonism and how smart, truthful or valid it has been, I am a firm witness of "LDS magic".

Yeah - I was just so impressed by Elder Callister's talk. That was a much needed discourse on a discussion present in our day, a war of words over the validity of Mormonism.

I have flip flopped, as I have faced various informational issues and challenges, sometimes I am so angry at the church, but in the past few months I've started having a much more positive attitude about them.

Bah - I need not blabber on-and-on. I am very impressed with Elder Callister's talk. I do not know if or when I will personally return to the church. There is much to be sorted out.

White Light Visitation

For the past few days, sitting around, thinking about stuff, but having a more positive attitude towards the LDS church, even if I am still confused and kind of still flip-flopping about it.

Anyway, I was laying in my bed, and I noticed a white glowing light, like a white glow filling the doorway to my bedroom.

I mean, I didn't think about it as I saw it - it was just a white light, I was looking directly at it, it was just a pillar of white light that "stood" in my bedroom doorway.

Then, for no discernible reason, it just DISAPPEARED. I mean, I have no idea what that light was, it wasn't the light outside my room, it wasn't moving, but it was a white glow that I saw standing in the doorway of my bedroom.

Anyway, though it wasn't exactly what I was thinking about at that moment, one of the lines of thought I had about religion was like this:::

If the "regular" christians are correct, then Jesus' Grace is sufficient for salvation. If this is true, being a Christ-believing Mormon would allow you to be saved. If being a Mormon doesn't get you saved, being a Christ-Believing Mormon would achieve salvation as due to the fact that Jesus' grace would automatically save you no matter how good your works were - you believed it Christ, and that's what mattered.

Therefore, even if the regular Christians are true, it wouldn't hurt to be a Mormon anyway, as Jesus' Grace alone would be sufficient despite your belief in a "false" religion.

But if the Mormons are true, conversely, there are so many problems with the LDS church that I thought it really shouldn't be necessary to be a Mormon in order to be saved. I mean, the LDS church just may, or might, be the latest and greatest thing in spirituality, but due to some of the problems it appears to have, I personally do not expect membership in the LDS church as a requirement for salvation. There are just too many problems and logical fallacies.

Anyway, so for a bible believing Christian - being a Mormon wouldn't hurt, and for a Mormon or Prospective Mormon, there are so many problems with the church you probably shouldn't have to be forced to deal with those issues.

This is the one line of thought I had recently where I was trying to come up with a way to reconcile Christians with Mormons. And I have been a bit more positive to the LDS church recently, if even still just confused.

But man - woah - those white lights are so strange. I mean, really I saw a white light or white glow "standing" in my bedroom doorway that was too white to be a house light and too stationary to be a moving car. And it just magically disappeared - for no reason.

There might be a reasonable explanation for this, but in my mind I keep open the possibility that it's an angel.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The "Greasy" Religion

I've been feeling a lot better for a while, and now that I look back on my life, i can say that the LDS or Mormon church is very sketchy, it's rather "greasy"

But regardless of how flawed or imperfect or cruddy it may be --- I am a firm witness about the power of a patriarchal blessing and the prophetic nature of certain general authorities.

I totally agree that LDS Mormonism is extremely, heavily flawed, even so much so as I do not view my personal involvement with them as a necessity---

But there was definitely something truly magical about certain individuals in the church, apostles, bishopric, patriarch.

I think the LDS apostles definitely appear to be very wise men, they seem to have a clue, they seem to have some idea.

The LDS religion goes up in smoke so many ways ---- But the magical quality to the religion has always been real for as long as I can remember being a member.

Either they are genuinely trying to turn people to Christ, or they are a massively deceptive Satanic attack on society.

Therefore, some LDS Mormons are probably true and genuine followers of Christ, whilst others aren't, with varying degrees of fraud or malevolence.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Am I a -dare I say- "Liberal"?

I think about where I sit on the political scale.

I think I am a bit of a Liberal actually. I want to be a leftist, but in my heart I'm a bit too far-right. That would make me a Liberal.

It's just too bad that my dad really doesn't like Liberals. I mean, he supports Obama over Romney and all that, he thinks the Republicans are way too far right, he likes the Democrats better ---- but in Canada, Liberals are a BAD thing to him.

I mean, I think gun control saved my life --- that's good on the Liberals.

I want to help poor people and give everyone their basic needs, and that makes me want to be a leftist --- but unfortunately I know I am not a completely-left type person. I'm not the type of guy who says you can't inherit anything or you have to be just as rich as everyone else.

I'm OK with Conservatives. I don't dislike conservatives. But the only reason I am happy and comfortable with my life in Alberta is because our right-of-centre ruling party has a Progressive Premier. I don't agree with everything about the government, but at least she cared about and for the poor disabled people.

I like some NDP ideas, such as putting a cap on credit card interest rates, but I may have to know how far left the NDP is before I vote for them again. I might be a Liberal. Maybe in Alberta I'm a PC (even if I supported Wildrose for a few reasons). I almost supported the Liberals in our last provincial election.

Dang, I am really confused politically. But, seeing as how my dad likes the Democrats more than Republicans, he might be a closet Liberal too --- he just doesn't want to admit it. Hahaha. :)

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Confusing Politics

Politics can be such a confusing subject.

When I was young, being the smartest guy I knew in my own class, I was very much a capitalist-type person, wanting to gain wealth and excel at supporting myself with my own good grades.

The problem was that I was growing up in very very poor living conditions, and it became apparent that capitalism wasn't going to work for me - regardless of how smart I was in school. I may have been smart in school, but that wasn't paying bills, and as our family descended into the lower-class I started going crazy from our inability to afford anything.

There could have been any number of reasons why our family was so poor. I will just assume it was because we were, more or less, unrighteous. Regardless of how we were Mormons and how we attended church and were trying to learn the gospel --- I would say we were unrighteous nonetheless. Just being mormon didn't make us right ---- some of our family behaviours were completely awful.

Anyway, so I'm going crazy from having an awful family and our unrighteousness resulted in being very poor which is again helping drive me crazy.

So, I switched to the left. I became more of a socialist in my attitude.

All factors considered, politics are a bit confusing.

I agree with socialism in that everyone should have a place to live and food to eat. But I also think that if you have the smarts and/or skill, you should have a chance or ability to get ahead in life. So, as socialists (or communists) believe in economic equality, I am not quite a pure socialist - as though I believe everyone should be allowed to have a decent living condition, I also think that those who are brighter or better or whatever can somehow increase their own condition. It only makes sense.

So, basically where this puts me in the Canadian political spectrum is a bit confusing.

I supported the right-wing Wildrose, but I am very happy with the right-of-centre Progressive Conservatives.

I like the NDP - and though my leftist yet not too-far-left ideas might make me a Liberal, well, my family has always had a complete aversion to the Liberals for as long as I can remember, for whatever reason.

I am happy with the Conservatives, I have no real complaints, but I think the NDP have good ideas. It's basically a left-leaning premier in a right-of-centre party that's given me some joy in life. Federal can be conservative, no problem, but if our premier was someone different and they turned out to be too right-leaning, I'd have little hope for my own life.

I guess Canada's and Alberta's current political situation works for me, but if there are poor people out there without homes or food, then maybe we need to shift further left somewhere in our governmental politics.

I'm not sure the Liberals solved the homeless problem when they were in power, and my family doesn't like them anyways --- so should the NDP be allowed to give everyone a place to sleep and food to eat? Would the NDP go so extreme as to say that you cannot be rich? Oh - as for Mormonism, I think the mormons would prefer that there be no rich or poor. Hmmm.

Personally, I am personally content with my conservative leadership ---- but I can't help but wonder if a federal socialist government would do more to help the poor. Or maybe that's what the provincials are trying to do. I dunno.

All I know is we can't be too far right, and we can't (?) be too far left, but my family don't like Liberals.

I think the provincial governments might be engaging in programs to stop homelessness, and that's great I think. But I know it's not a 100% perfect program in Alberta, and I know Alberta really isn't likely to do anything but be conservative, so I just have to wonder --- should we have an NDP (socialist) federal government? My dad doesn't like Liberals, so that's what makes the NDP more appealing to me. I mean, considering NDP are socialists, you'd think they'd attempt to end homelessness. Yah.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Lottery vs Stock Market

I was getting up to write this blog post when I got a phone call on my cell phone saying "Because you are a very special telus customer, you" 'just won some kind of very special telus prize, press 1 to accept'.

This sounded exciting, except that I don't personally have any accounts at telus, unless a certain company I own is actually a customer of telus. Of course, I hung up the phone --- it seemed exciting, but also seemed like it could be a scam (my parents use a telus phone, but I don't).

Anyway, yeah, so::: Owning companies is fun.

Throughout out my life I've been approached by members of the LDS church telling me that my interest in stock market investment is like playing the lottery. Some members of the LDS church have brains and realize that it's actually just a good way to supplement their incomes.

In Canada, the lottery is controlled by the government, so I wouldn't personally call it immoral to play the lottery, but, it is kind of a stupid thing to do, thus I have heard the lottery dubbed the "Stupid tax".

I mean, it is possible to use your "crystal ball" and predict lottery numbers, but it usually doesn't work very well, so it's usually a "stupid" thing to do anyway.

But --- I will just disagree with the idea that investing in actual businesses on the stock market is like playing the lottery. Why? I've played the lottery before. You are most likely to lose, and when you win it usually isn't much, and usually total losses exceed total gains.

However, on the stock market, well, if you know what you are doing, it can be a very profitable replacement of the Savings Account. Savings accounts earn less than 2% these days ---- a stock market investment could earn you 20% (I speak from experience).

Basically, I am annoyed with people who compare the stock market to the lottery. The lottery you will most likely lose. You are far more likely to win on the stock market.

The bible teaches something about how gambling is "wrong". The bible also says "render unto caesar that which is caesar's". Therefore, playing the lottery in Canada, isn't wrong, but it can be a "stupid" thing to do.

Jesus promoted investment and return on investment in the bible. Remember the parable of the servants who each received talents and then they put the talents into the money market and the ones who earned were blessed while the one who didn't bother doing anything was not blessed? Exactly:: I would say investing in corporations and businesses in actually encouraged rather than despised as being comparable to the lottery.

You just have to know what you're doing. Personally, I think it's really great to be able to own a business. It's great to make a profit.

I agree that you can lose money on your investments, 10 years ago when I tried the stock market I ended up losing ---- but the fact remains that if I had traded smarter and taken my profit when it was available I would have won. And now I am trading again and I am most definitely winning. Its got its ups and downs, but as long as you have a steady income (like AiSH) you can make it very profitable.

Of course, being on AiSH gives me, as an individual, special rules. If my AiSH worker reads this: he/she need not worry, I intend on reporting my earnings.

So, yeah, in the past two days I bought a big chunk of Canada's local movie theatre, Cineplex, and then today it was announced that Cineplex bought 50% of Yo-Yo's Yogurt Café, which is called YYC on the stock market. YYC is also a name used to represent the City of Calgary. I live in Calgary. So weird.

I am a little skittish telling you about my investments, but I think it's good for you to know that Jesus would approve, rather than shun it as simple gambling. Yay.

In other news::: Cineplex theatres are going to start selling non-fat frozen yogurt at their concession stands. Woah.

Monday, January 6, 2014

My game, "ICBM", achieved last position on O-RANK?

My game was ranked 5th from last on O-Rank.  Then I thought I saw it in last place. Now it's ranked 6th from last.

Considering the bad results of my hard work, I am actually feeling pretty cool about it. I did something so terrific that I earned last place.

Yeah, I realize there might be individuals out there either bullying me or just trying to tear me down for some reason - or it may be because I am somehow so offensive that the OUYA people decided to kick me off or whatever.

Well, I'm feeling cool. I sold a game of Pfhonge yesterday, so I'm not totally gone yet.

It's just that I can't upload an update and no one is responding to my forum post.

Considering I was kicked off Avril Lavigne's forum a few years ago, I can't help but wonder if I've been kicked off OUYA as well.

But then Avril Lavigne became a personal friend of mine on facebook, so I really don't know how to interpret this.

But, I can say that I feel "good" or "cool" about having achieved rock bottom after over a month of release. :)

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Questions Regarding Serving the Lord

In order to not spam my stake president or any single individual, I will now post my excessive message writing on this blog, in hopes that someone will read my mind's confusion about life.

This confusion may be considered mental illness, because I don't know the answer, but it may also be considered legitimate sane questioning based on unreasonable circumstances. We'll see.

Perhaps these questions fall under the category of "Philosophy" questions.


I was a good kid. I grew up trying to be a good mormon boy. I tried to follow all the rules as best I could.

Growing up, I suspect the ghost of my grandmother sexually molested me right after she died and I am no longer able to stay chaste: I am now addicted to masturbation.

So, the questions are: Am I still allowed to serve in the church?

Does my church service have to be removed because I masturbate? Does my service to the Lord have to be removed because I masturbate? Am I inadmissible as a worker of good because I now have a very bad habit?

So: Avril Lavigne starts singing about me like she's in love with me, and my patriarchal blessing tells me to travel and preach to the nations as a young man. The Bishop, however, rejects Avril Lavigne and tries to keep us away from each other.

Questions: Do I lose my ability to marry a lovely woman because I masturbate? Do I lose my ability to travel and preach in God's (or the church's) favour because I masturbate?

Avril Lavigne is singing about me, so am I seriously rejected from marriage and service just because she and I are imperfect?

It didn't seem to matter how much Avril was actually singing about me like she loves me, the church just can't allow the relationship, even if such a relationship was seen as a possibility in my LDS patriarchal blessing.

So here's another question: If I can't be with Avril despite her singing about me and my patriarchal blessing just because she and/or I are imperfect, what kind of service CAN I give? Who am I ALLOWED to marry? How could I POSSIBLY live a happy life?

Am I really just damned to hell because my grandmother was sexually abusive against my own will?

So, I could have been with Avril Lavigne, but the bishop just rejected her, but I am still friends with her anyways. If I was supposed to serve the lord and have a family and travel and preach, how am I supposed to do that when Avril is not with me, do I lose these things just because my grandmother was sexually abusive to me?

An Impressive Female Minister


I just turned on my TV and computer to watch girls on my computer, but my tv started showing a different kind of girl talking and teaching on the Christian TV station.

I was really impressed with her sermon. A good, wonderful teaching Christian woman.

She taught from the bible, and from what I understood what she taught was true. I really appreciated hearing.

I felt mostly uplifted by what she said, but also reminded of some of my mistakes and errors.

I can't remember the exact scripture references she was teaching, but her lessons were:

Don't boast of yourself


Don't speak with a negative tongue or attitude

I truly believe that these are good and wonderful teachings, even if I myself have not perfectly followed them throughout my own life.

It is not hard to know that I had a horrible, horrible negative speaking attitude for a very long time in my life. Life was so wrong and I'd just express how wrong I saw it to be. I think that only makes things worse. Only more recently have I started having the positive attitude.

As for not boasting of yourself and letting other people boast of you on your behalf, I've done pretty good at this actually.

You might look at the book I wrote and say I'm just boasting of myself. Nope - I'm just telling the actual true story to the best of my ability. There are plenty of times before I wrote my book that other people boast about me for me in my behalf, and I don't have to do it for myself.

This female teacher teaches of not boasting of oneself, but she also gives the flip side scripture that teaches doing good works before men that they may glorify God or some such, she says don't go to the extreme of doing everything in secret, because there is a time and place for telling that you did good.

So, I'm just saying that I saw this Woman preaching on TV, and that I really appreciated hearing her sermon. I know what she taught was true, even if I am not or have not perfectly followed what she taught in my own whole life.

So - Yes, Sometimes I boast of myself, sometimes I speak too negatively. I'm not perfect.

But I've started trying to have a more positive attitude, and I have had plenty of other people boast for my on my behalf through my lifetime, which is apparently the way it is supposed to be.

And though The Book of Finch may seem wrong because it may seem like I'm boasting of myself -- it's actually just a historical record, trying to educate people about life or certain aspects of things in life, to put it simply.

So yes, great female preacher teaching on Christian TV.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Psychologically Distressed about the Church

Just thinking about LDS mormonism drives me to psychological distress, I can always find reasons to disparage them.

But then I realized::: If psychiatric drugs didn't have those negative side-effects, then the church really was trying to help me.

God, and the psychiatrist really helped me go from being suicidal to being ready and happy to live life.

The church is an imperfect organization, and I view them in such negative light so much of the time. They are obviously very imperfect, but maybe they are just trying to repent and help me through psychiatry.

I know, it doesn't make any sense at all, but if psychiatric drugs are actually trying to help me, despite the negative side effects, then I guess the church is trying to do something good. Sending me for a psychiatrist is like their way of repenting of all the belittling and abuse that I had to go through.

Of course, from a different perspective sending me to the psych docs is just more punishment and abuse, descended from punishment and abuse, but there is a positive aspect to it,

I'll just say that it is very easy for me to look at the LDS church negatively and to have a negative attitude about them ---

but I wrote this blog post as I realized that they were actually trying to repent and help me with the psychiatry.

It is, of course, all a very imperfect system, but at least I don't want to kill myself anymore and life is more bearable. Yay.