I'm just going to relate some of the thoughts I had today or this evening about my relationship with the church here:
1) It's so strange how the church required me to forgive complete BS, yet when I tell the truth I find certain members to be hostile, and more or less unforgiving. It's just so strange. I have to be benevolent on complete crap, yet when I tell the truth I face hostility. One true church huh?
2) What makes Joseph Smith so much more believable than myself? If you believe in Joseph Smith, then believing in me is a no-brainer, but somehow that doesn't seem to be the reality. If you don't believe in me, why bother believing in Joseph Smith, what makes him so much better? And if you don't believe in Joseph Smith, then why do you even bother being a member of the LDS church???
When I was growing up, the big personal choice I made for myself in life was to be a force for good morality throughout the world, so I decided I would serve Jesus.
3) Morality is a very interesting issue, on one hand there's a morality that says "keep sex sacred --- masturbation is forbidden". On the other hand there's the morality that says "my natural bodily form biologically requires me to have sex. I cannot resist the urge to masturbate".
So, on one hand we've made a judgement about a certain act and claimed it to be a moral decision, and on the other hand we discover that the act is unavoidable and common and natural and we immediately wonder why it deserves such shunning, especially when it is a particularly "harmless" habit.
4) That got me thinking, in order to be saved in the LDS church, like having the Melchizedek priesthood authority and being an elder and serving a mission and going to the temple::: you cannot and must not be engaging in masturbation activity. For a guy like me, this demand is impossible to meet, my body is actually naturally driven to have sex, driven to have sex long before I could legally marry, and though masturbation is preferable over fornication, somehow you still can't be saved with that activity anyway.
Anywho, it seems the church REQUIRES a person to become supernatural, or unnaturally powered in order to be saved. In order to be saved, you have to become such a God-like person that you would never again have a problem with masturbation.
That's great, and I suspect achieving that state might be possible, but the problem is that bishops and stake presidents and whoever else will start disbelieving in your miraculous claims as you become God-like and force you on drugs. Those drugs may cause you or force you to masturbate.
So in order to be saved in the church, you have to become so God-like that you are an unnatural superhuman who never masturbates. And as soon as you are the unnatural superhuman who never masturbates, they're gonna start calling you crazy because of your miraculous qualities and experiences, and then you're gonna be forced on drugs that force you to masturbate again.
It really makes no sense why the church requires such perfection when they aren't even going to let you keep that perfection. You can't be saved as a natural man, but if you become supernatural then you're crazy and you're forced on drugs.
I still remember my dream from last night's sleep. Last night I actually dreamt that I, myself, and my family completely forsook and gave up on mormonism. We all just decided to quit the church in my dream last night. The church may have good things about it, but there are so many bad things about it too that we could easily end our relationship with that organization at some point.