So, though I am on drugs, have I been relapsing into paranoid delusions in the past few days?
I had this idea that the government is secretly taxing my efforts to make an income online, as well as an idea that perhaps my old dead grandmother somehow returned from the dead.
Is this just my paranoid schizophrenia?
1) I know it's very likely that I am actually just having very few sales and my lack of income has nothing to do with the government. Perhaps I am so proud of my own products that I wonder why I don't earn more, and therefore I suspect the government of taxing me like they're communists. This could be schizophrenia, or at least a communist fantasy.
The more likely situation is that few people buy my OUYA games, Google doesn't report robot or spider visits on AdSense, and that either I have few sales for my books (likely) or the publishers somehow just neglect to report on time or at all (possible).
I am basically breaking an LDS mormon rule::: I have been speculating. I try to think of possible reasons why I don't seem to earn as much as I would think I should. The most romantic of these ideas is that I'm actually a big earner but the government is communist-taxing me and then paying my welfare.
2) Are my thoughts of a dead grandmother returning at Christmas time schizophrenic??? I was guessing based on the information provided to me by my five senses and the fact that I believe in Ghosts and Resurrection. There is a possibility that my parents morbidly decided to give me a gift from my dead grandmother, and that old european lady at the theatre was actually just any old mortal ----- but I do think it's awfully STRANGE that my parents would give me a gift and claim it to be from Grandma. And it's very coincidental that just two days later I would run into a little old lady who seriously, seriously reminded me of my own old dead grandma.
My parents could either confess or deny the gift from my dead grandparent (I haven't asked them). If they deny, then yes, I am probably haunted or whatever. If they confess, then maybe it really was just my parents, but it's also possible that they're being dishonest, just trying to reason a rational explanation for some paranormal activity, just so I don't go over the deep end in my schizophrenia.
If you read my book, there is a story where I really did receive an authentic written message from beyond, so I think it's possible my grandmother could have gifted me.
Of course, I am too scared to even ask my parents where that gift came from. I can seriously understand if my grandmother came back from the grave and gave me a gift -- that's understandable. But it seems unreasonably morbid for my own parents to give me a gift, claiming the gift to be from grandma. I mean, I would start suspecting there is something wrong with my parents if they were doing that to me.
So, I wouldn't say that this situation is necessarily schizophrenia, it's a situation where the dead really could have returned. If it really is just my own parents, then they have completely lost their own minds. I mean, it's culture for parents to give gifts from Santa Claus, but for parents to give gifts on behalf of the deceased is another thing altogether, that would actually make my parents seem a little odd in the head, wouldn't it?