Last night I blog posted and emailed about some kind of power I was feeling, saying I could go back to church, saying it didn't seem to matter how many problems there are with the church, that the miracles were always real.
I still forgive the church, or I want to forgive the church.
I still know their miracles are real.
But I am not still solidly thinking I'll ever go back to them. I feel like I could go back to them, but I'm not absolutely certain that I want to.
Maybe I'm just suffering from some weird psychology right now. What was that pro-mormon feeling or ideation I was having last night that decided I should ignore all the past historical problems?
I really should just forgive the mormons, and I shouldn't care if my book really attains any level of popularity.
But I really shouldn't promise that I'll ever return to them.
And there really might be something wrong with me:::: how can I go from yelling and swearing about the mormon church one moment and then totally having pro-mormon ideations hours later? Something might not be right about me.