I have some confusing things to report.
There are some real good videos on youtube that show the flaws or fundamental flaws about the LDS church and mormonism - ways that the LDS church can be understood to not be true.
I would also have to say that I have become partial to believing the standard christian view of mormonism, that mormonism is an inauthentic not-actually-christian perversion of the truth.
And though I now have an understanding of how wrong mormonism is, thanks to these good teachers in these videos, and though I have been inclined for many years to believe that mormonism is wrong just from what I understood about my own relationship with God, the scriptures, and the incongruence when related with the LDS church ---
I still stand by my testimony that there is something completely freakish about how LDS Elder Oaks was able to answer a question I asked only in prayer. It is freakish how LDS Bishop Gerald Causse was able to answer a question I asked only in prayer.
There are so many ways in which it could be understood that mormonism is wrong, but LDS general authorities did appear to respond to my prayers, my LDS patriarchal blessing did appear to have an understanding of my potential future, and I also saw a mysterious vision when I got the blessing.
There are some experiences I've had that I would never change my testimony of regardless of how true or false mormonism is deemed to be.
I understand that mormonism is unlikely to be truly authentic, but I still hold my testimony about the personal evidences I've experienced as they relate to any reality about mormonism.
Maybe mormonism is just a satanic fraud --- that's an easy way to explain why I saw magic in the church even though it could so easily be the wrong church.
And though my opinion as to the actual identify of the being I saw on particular occasions may change, the fact that I saw this being on those occasions does not change.
When I saw him, I thought he was Jesus Christ. For a long time after I saw him, I thought I had seen Jesus Christ. As to whether or not it actually was Jesus Christ is questionable, but the fact that I had seen the man and had the experience is rock solid reality, regardless of if I believe mormonism to be true or false.
After numerous corrections to the text of The Book of Finch, I would say the story I express in that book is more or less true, as much as I could bring myself to tell the truth, and the only thing that changed is the viewpoint of the author at a different point in time about how true the LDS church could really be.
The Book of Finch is a true story, despite the numerous errors I've made in the earlier editions of the book. Or at least, it's what I perceived the truth to be.