Thursday, October 31, 2013

Weights and Balances in Deciding

One of the good things about Mormonism is teaching to become like Jesus Christ.

Jesus said "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your father which is in heaven is perfect". Being like God or Jesus or whatever is a perfectly desirable trait, nothing wrong with the LDS desire to be like Christ.

And of course, to be like Christ, you have to learn about him, and hopefully you'll learn the truth about him.

And though Mormon doctrine is good enough to teach people to be like Jesus-----

One of the things I observed about actual Mormonism in practise was this:

1) They don't care if you can work miracles, it doesn't matter.

2) Saving Avril Lavigne's soul wasn't worthwhile, though her soul is worth so much in the sight of God, her soul just couldn't be saved or needed no attention.

3) Miracles don't matter, a young woman's soul don't matter, but if you damage their property they'll be up in your face, forgiving you by forcing you on drugs and making you disbelieve in God.

There are good things about the Mormon church and doctrine. There are some bad things about Mormon church and doctrine.

I think the church is unliveable for a guy like me, even if I were to believe the Mormons I still doubt I'd find salvation.

I mean, when a Mormon is "saved", it means they've attained some form of perfection. Unfortunately, the definition of perfection is not universally understood.

Be perfect even as your father in heaven.

You might think being perfect means no work on the Sabbath. But Jesus decided that picking corn on the Sabbath was OK. It's these kinds of distinctions that you have to make between perfectly following some interpretation of Commandments, and perfectly being just like God himself, and knowing who God is.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Does the Mormon God Really Care? At All?

I was just thinking about how I offered God my lifetime of service in exchange for exaltation (which entails marriage in the LDS church).

Somehow, though I offered God a whole lifetime of service, God couldn't be bothered to give me or let me have my wife. All the candidates for my female companion who came up were "taken away" in one way or another. Someone with God's authority just couldn't allow it.

I offered God my lifetime of service, and he couldn't give me my wife. I mean, what more can I offer than my whole life? What more does it take for God to let me have a girlfriend?

I suppose, perhaps, that my masturbation "problem" was just too much of a problem for God to allow me to marry, or serve.

Being sexually driven by my natural physiology, God couldn't let me have an actual woman, and couldn't let me serve either --- just because I'm too darned horny.

And that's the other thing ----- Jesus Christ is supposed to save us from our sin, yet for some reason God, or Jesus, never freakin' bothered to save me from my masturbation. Wow.

That's how incredible the Mormon God is. Won't let me marry, won't let me serve, condemns me for a habit that he won't bother to save me from. Freakin' wonderful. That's the great true God of the Mormon gospel.

Btw ---- I do believe in God, I know there's a God, but somehow the God I know or believe in hasn't given me my wife and condemns me for a masturbation addiction that He won't bother to save me from. Hmmmppphhhh.

Monday, October 28, 2013

New Version of Pfhonge - Am I being haunted???

So, a couple days ago I thought I'd work out a new version of Pfhonge. It doesn't crash like the old one, it plays smoother and it's got a nice new prettier menu, as well as menu music.

There is one problem however: Whenever I play a 2 player game against my own parents, my controller stops responding properly, while their controller functions perfectly.

In my most recent game with my dad, for the first 90% of the game my controller wasn't responding properly and his was working fine. Only during the last 10% of the game did I get proper responses out of my controller.

In 1 player 'You vs OUYA' games, my controller works just fine. In 2 player me against myself games, without my parents, the controllers work just fine.

I don't know what it is. My controller just stops working properly when I'm playing with my parents.

It's like I'm being haunted this Halloween.

And, of course, yesterday I submitted the new version, 1.3.2, for approval for the OUYA store, so hopefully they'll get back to me on that and I'll get the game delivered to everyone who wants to play.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

A Good Value of Mormonism

Though Mormonism may be a heavily flawed religion or group of religious people, it has some good values, and I say this so I'm not viewed as being totally slanted against them.

I mean, mormonism has really "offended" me over time, but at its essence it has some good values:

1) Miracles. I do think there is a true miraculous reality in mormonism, even if a lot of ex-LDS people somehow for some reason convert to atheism.

2) Being a good person, choosing the right. The mormon teachings about doing the right thing and being a good person are valuable. It is good to teach good morals, so society and families don't degrade into complete crap.

Of course, with the emphasis on perfection and choosing the right, there is a big problem in the church with unforgiving behaviour.

Actually ---- the whole topic of forgiveness can be completely confusing when dealing with Mormons, and the LDS apostles did recognize this in a past general conference. Mormons aren't very good with forgiveness doctrine.

Anyway, teaching a personal relationship with God, teaching Miracles, and teaching Good Behaviour are good things about mormonism.

Of course, though they technically teach these things, that doesn't mean mormons are very good at it in practise, but what the Mormons teach is good enough that it is easy to love the religion --- until you find out about how fouled up it can become at which point you leave, even if you really did love Mormonism.

I don't think Joseph Smith did a very good job of developing the church. I think he was a very, very flawed "prophet".

Mormonism has numerous good things about it, but at some point for some of us it just becomes too foul to want to stay with anymore.

Good things about mormonism:: 1) Teach personal relationship with God. 2) Teach miracles. 3) Teach good behaviour.

some bad things about mormonism:: 1) Doctrine on forgiveness is completely confused and misused and misunderstood. 2) Somehow it seems like a lot of people who were mormon just stop believing in God, which is a very sad thing about the church.

That's the short of my discussion on this topic. I am personally disaffected from Mormonism, but I still have some respect for them, though not a whole lot and sometimes it seems to fade.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

What Mormonism Can Do That Would Not be Wrong

So, I've been watching some videos on Youtube. I watched one recent video by Shawn McCraney where he talks about Dieter F Uchtdorf's recent general conference talk.

Uchtdorf apparently confessed that church leaders and members did some stupid things. This is good for the mormon church.

McCraney gives some suggestions on what more the mormons can do here, but still trying to make it clear mormonism is wrong.

Here is my suggestion that Mormonism can do that would be alright::::

Invite and Inspire people to develop true and meaningful relationships with GOD.

On the surface, this sounds like Mormonism as I knew it when I was younger. It sounds like regular christianity too. Unfortunately, it might be a situation where you got all kinds of mormons who don't really know God or Jesus and have no real relationship with Deity. This can be exampled by the large number of ex-mormons who go into atheism rather than christianity (as I've already observed on this blog).

You can have all the masonic temple ceremonies you want, but that won't get you anywhere ---- Just teach people to develop personal relationships with God. The true, real God. Get them praying, get them believing.

I think if people truly developed real relationships with God we would see a decline in the amount of Mormon atheism.

That's pretty much my suggestion that both christians and mormons can get along with::: Just pray to God, read the NEW TESTAMENT.

I'll just note that I think the bible said somewhere that Moses would that all men were prophets. That sounds like the right way to go ---- encouraging everyone to live in a way and know God in a way that He could really possibly appear. This is also relatable to a recent LDS talk I heard given by an apostle at a CES Devotional.

There are a lot of questionable things about Mormonism, I think there are some really good things about some of the mormon ideology, but there has been so much of the negative as well. To tell the truth, I can not bring myself to understand or wrap my mind around this whole church or religion ---- It starts getting very confusing very quickly once you've really studied it.

But, I think if Churches, including Mormon Churches, if they started teaching people to develop real personal relationships with God, that would help start setting things straight. And yes, in that relationship be sure to LOVE GOD.

I thought I had more to say after that last sentence, but now my mind is blank. I guess I've said enough.

Did a REALLY GOOD telepathy test today.

Today I did three alpha-numeric-pick 3 mind reading tests on my Father.

Test 1:
I said: 7GR
He said: 4CV

This test was not impressive, except that G and C are similar, and his 4 was drawn like my 7, except his 4 connected at the end while mine was separated.

Test 2:
I said: (J or U) R 8
He said: R A 7

I got the R right, and nothing else.

Test 3:
I said: 8 N R
He said: 8 N H

I got the first two characters EXACTLY correct. the odds of achieving this feat are:
If you calculate this BOX style, it's 1:222
If you calculate this STRAIGHT style, it's 1:1333

Oops, having problems with the blogger thing, just gonna post and get this figured out.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Parents giving me a hard time

Well, today my parents decided to give me a bit of a hard time. Talking to me about how to handle my money issues, also being slightly paranoid about my facebook friendship with Avril.

My dad is just a paranoid kind of guy, there always seems to be something a bit paranoid about his behaviour and attitude. Sometimes it's merited, and sometimes it's just so annoying it'll drive you a little mad. My dad has this idea that my Avril Lavigne friend might be a fake.

Do I think she's fake? I think she very well could be real. There are some indications that would lead me to believe she's not authentic, but seeing as how she readily stated that she's willing to video chat --- well, if we video chat it will readily become apparent if she's real or fake. I think she's real, my dad is a little paranoid, and the indicators that show she might be fake do have reasonable explanations that say she could be real anyway.

As for my money issues::: well, publishing with AuthorHouse resulted in the lion's share of my personal debt. Not a very smart investment.

So, I'm saving up to pay my credit card.  That's all well and good with my parents, except that I like to grow my money through investing, while my parents want me to lock up my money so I can't access it, which means I won't spend it, but also means it won't grow as it just sits there.

I really like the idea of investing money. In grade 11 high school I was taught a very useful and interesting strategy for investment.

So: how well am I investing? Last night I calculated that in the past year I've made 12% on all my savings, just from my personal investment. It should be noted that part of that money is money that was just locked up for a long time and not released until recently, so it had no time to grow. Without calculating the money that I had locked up that wasn't growing, I had made about ~25%.

That calculation also doesn't take into account the current status of my investments - which is always changing with the market.

So yeah, my parents just giving me a hard time. Paranoia about my new friend, and a paranoia that investing money is not the right way to grow it or save it.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Bad Day for Telepathy

I noticed how extremely popular my last post about successful telepathy was, so I did three more tests today, and found that I didn't do very well.

My first test, I did horrible, nothing right.

In my second test, C got confused with G. F got confused with P.

And in my third test, numbers only, I only matched the number 3.

So, to be realistic, I am nowhere near as good as Kreskin was. I've had my amazing moments, quite a few amazing moments, but my failure rate is high enough that I wouldn't do it as a professional, unless my skills improve.

Today is election day in Calgary. I spent a few days of the past week just delivering handouts to advertise my favourite candidate for councillor's campaign.

I get so excited on election days.  Some people have football, some people have hockey, for me, elections are my sport, I love watching the results come in.


And - what is my opinion on mormons right now??

Someone once told me that the LDS church is the perfect place for imperfect people. This is true, unless you masturbate, in which case you're gonna be guilt-tripped and you'll want to kill yourself.

I don't feel like making any other comments right now.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Feeling pretty High

I go to sleep late at night, I wake up in the morning laughing to myself, I'm brushing my teeth and falling over from the laughter.

I feel so high that you would think that I have a substance abuse problem.

The only substances I should be on right now are my Paliperidone Invega psychiatric drug injection, and a whole crapload of caffeine. I don't touch alcohol, I don't have any other drugs.

All of my personal refrigerator soft-drink stash consists of caffeine-free drinks. I only buy a small number of caffeinated twelve packs. The reason is, I go to a local store and get a huge fountain drink of caffeine, and I also sometimes stop at starbucks and get a big coffee drink.

I am so loaded on caffeine that if my refrigerator stash was caffeinated I would definitely be intoxicated - I'm sure it's happened to me before.

Anyway, I am so high that I sit and laugh and giggle to myself and I have a hard time standing up straight or anything. I am seriously on the brink of falling over when standing still because of how bad my "high" is. I just feel so good.

I would say that I might be intoxicated on something. Caffeine? Paliperidone?

Jesus turned water into wine ---- what unknown substance lurks in my soft-drinks? Anything at all? I don't really know.

So yeah, I am just high. It's comical and dizzying how much I'm laughing to myself and almost falling over - I'm serious, you should have seen me in the bathroom, looking in the mirror doing my toothbrush and listerine, I was like, falling over one way, correcting, and then falling over the other. I am so high. No illegal substances except for Coffee and Cola either.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

New Friendships and my BAD HABIT

I have something to say. My dad said I shouldn't be spreading this information around, but I need somewhere I can explain my feelings without spamming any individuals, so I'll explain here:

I am now friends with Avril Lavigne on Facebook. It looks legit. Last night she sent me a friend request.

The problem is that I am a spammer, I spam almost everyone I develop a relationship with, and I know this is not a good thing.

It's just sad, because in my mind I have an overflowing motherload of things to talk with Avril about --- but she is a busy person I'm sure, and though she WANTS to chat with me, I am SCARED to chat with her, and if I just drop off a bunch of spam with her, that's not a good thing.

One of my Facebook friends is an author named Michael McCarty. He writes horror novels. If he were to write a horror novel about me, well, I'm sure there's a lot of horrible things he could say about me --- but right now on the top of my mind, I would be a SPAM MONSTER. SPAM SPAM SPAM. I never spammed Mr. McCarty, thank goodness, but my ability to write bulk mail is a prevalent character flaw within me.

You see, I have few friends. I often don't have anyone to talk to. When I do get someone new to talk to, my mind races with information, and it comes out my fingertips at lightning speeds, and my new friend gets a truckload of pig meat.

I'm sure it's a problem. I have to stop. I really don't want to inconvenience "Avril" with all my ideas.

It's just a problem. Avril is one of my most respected people who I love, and though she's the person most likely to receive my attention, I really SHOULDN'T be bothering her so much or too much.

My dad suggested that I shouldn't even be spreading the information that I am now friends with Avril Lavigne on Facebook, but I just need someone to talk to about this, and I don't want to Spam anyone, so it's going on my blog.

Friday, October 11, 2013

SERIOUS FACEPALM --- Atheism in the LDS church

I recognize how Joseph Smith could be considered wrong by both theist and atheist alike for really stupid things he did like making up The Book of Abraham, while pretending to have translated it from Egyptian Papyri.

But in a lot of these ex-mormon videos I've seen::: Why are there so many of these ex-mormons who express no faith in God and a belief in Atheism?

There was once a TV show of an exmormon who converted to "real" christianity who tried to show how mormonism was wrong. This sort of exmormon behaviour is understandable in that when he was mormon he did believe in God.

But why are so many of these people who are ex-mormons, why do they have no belief in God at all?

I have to seriously facepalm here, if we have conscious thinking 8+ year olds who all decide to get baptized who never seriously really believed in their religion or in God at all.

Yes, I realize that 8 year olds are considered accountable in mormonism, but my personal basic study in psychology, just from personal experience, shows that many children below the age of majority do not really have serious critical thinking skills.

There are reasons why telling an 8 year old he's accountable and trying to develop him into a responsible person at a younger age is a good idea, but I think it's kind of ridiculous how many young people joined the church without really actually considering, caring or having any belief in any God at all. They just joined the church even though they NEVER really believed. If they did believe, well, in my own experience, my belief bore fruit that led me to a knowledge that there really IS a God.

So many so-called baptized mormons drop out because they either never believed in God or because they never figured his existence was really proven. I can understand leaving the church when you become an atheist ---- but when you got baptized, there should have been some recognition of your faith in God. In my own experience my faith in God bore fruit to let me know He's REAL.

Of course, there are SOOOOO MANY good reasons to dump LDS mormonism. I do find myself being discouraged about the church for all sorts of stupidities found in the organization.

But the unique difference in myself is that though the LDS church is seen as HEAVILY FLAWED ----  despite these weaknesses, I also see that there really was some sort of Good and some sort of truthful reality in some form of the Magic of LDS mormonism.

The LDS church is a certified "Super-Facepalm-Organization" (I just made that up), and though their scriptures probably aren't even totally correct ---- In my own experience I know that certain high ranking priesthood holders really do have some kind of magic power, or genuinely appeared to be truly magical somehow.

I'm not interested in going back to church and I am or have given up on it all.  I am just a little obsessed about the things that went wrong with my mormon life, though, I guess.

The Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything

So, I just finished watching (and may continue to watch) more youtube videos, heavily or largely relating to Mormonism.

One video was Dawkins against a Mormon on Norwegian TV.

If I had to choose to uphold the opinion of either man, I would say neither.

1) I can not agree with Dawkins because I am 100% that there's something more, that there is some kind of supernatural or unknown being greater than ourselves who can intervene in our lives, who may be seen or unseen. I think Science can answer questions about this greater being, but denying his existence is contrary to what I know through personal evidential experience.

2) I can not agree with the Mormon either, he was just the basic, weak, and inarticulate support of the church that tries to seem educated but actually isn't. Truth is, I view mormonism to be a very, very flawed religion.

I know there is a God, I know that God can appear in the form of Jesus Christ.

I know that Mormonism has some kind of magic about it, or at least SEEMED to have some kind of magic about it. But the religion and society are so flawed it is actually a great marvel that the church could possibly even have that much "reality" to it.

From my historical mormon perspective - how could I possibly explain life, the universe, and everything?

I KNOW there is a God, or at least some kind of greater being out there who we have little idea of. I think that the Mormons have tapped in to some of God's reality, but more on an individual basis through personal prayer and study, and not as a church on the whole. Joseph Smith and other early leaders "fouled" it up so much that the whole organization has a very weak foundation. But, I give credit to the few mormons I've found who have been able to develop their magic or understanding of God on a personal basis, whether that be based on presupposed beliefs caused by Joseph Smith or through serious personal revelation.

All of my spiritual background is in presupposed beliefs given to me by the LDS church. I have discovered that there really is truly a God, but I have also discovered that the LDS church is largely a waste of time and not very smart. OK - to give some credit to the church it was a "decent" (? was it decent?) introduction to God, but I find I am more fulfilled living my own life on my own with my own relationship with God that I would be or was as a member of the LDS church who always had to listen to man made opinions about God and all that.

I've found that I can have good, happy, holy ghost feelings and testimony about things that the church would not allow or approve. The church could say I'm deceived by the devil, except if the devil can mimic the holy ghost, then we have no real idea that the church isn't even a deception of the devil. In fact, I understood more truth and good feelings from one source than the church would let me believe in -- and the church's ideas on the subject were obviously way out of line with reality.

OK - I don't need to rant, no one wants to listen, I know, no one really cares about me.

I am basically just moved to comment about my thoughts after more video watching.

My basic points are:::

1) I know there is a God or greater Being out there.

2) I know the Mormon church is so flawed that it shouldn't be relied on.

Hmm. maybe those were my only points.

3) Mormonism introduced me to God, but I prefer my personal relationship with God over some guy's opinion of God whose trying to control my life who obviously isn't making sense or making me happy.

There you go. Now I can stop.


I could, I suppose, also mention this other video I watched where Ezra Taft Benson ranted about the evils of Communism.

Considering the church's law of consecration or whatever the proper title of that was, which I've already forgotten, the only real big difference between Socialism or Communism and the Church's failed system of communal economics is that the church CLAIMS that communists or socialists don't believe in God, while their own failed system did believe in God.

I mean, the LDS mormon consecration system as far as I know was comparable to communism/socialism, but the mormons just like to distance theirs from the political versions based on the idea that the political version doesn't believe in God - that somehow the Mormon version of communal living is way better than the evils of a government-sponsored communal living system.

Though I can understand through my own experiences with my own Government's socialist tendencies that it is definitely not a perfect system, that it's not exactly the greatest thing, I can also understand that the Mormons are very much WORSE than what the government offered me. If the Mormons had done what they were supposed to do, I would never have needed the government support.

So: Government Social programs and benefits are not perfect.
But I wouldn't need Government Social Programs if the LDS church had operated in the way it was actually supposed to operate. The church is way too fouled up to get me started in life properly.

If the church supports capitalism, then why do they demand of us that we should work on service projects without pay? Thats not capitalism - that's slavery. Yes- it could be said I was once a slave to the LDS church, working so that I could do little more than eat food. I didn't even get paid for my labour beyond food, and what income I did have, 10% of that went to the church through tithing anyway. They weren't going to pay me --- they were going to take my money and enslave me to their service work (without pay). That is the totally better system that the church worked out that's better than communism or socialism.

At least with socialism I can acquire more than just food, such as, well, anything I want as long as it fits in the budget the government gave me. The church didn't even give me a budget, and only took 10% of my budget on top of that. And then didn't pay me for my work, while with the government system I am expected to work for pay, unless i explicitly want to work for free, whereas in mormonism you are forced to slave away for free on the service projects.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

On Next-Gen Game Consoles

It's not very often I use this blog to talk about gaming, as I am pretty much a casual gamer at this point in my life, so from the perspective of a casual gamer, lets discuss the NEXT GEN GAMING CONSOLES.

XBox One. There's ONE thing I can say about this: There is about ONE game that's coming exclusively to it that I would want to play through. I'm not a big gamer anymore, so it's probably not worth $500 of my money to buy this thing just to play QUANTUM BREAK.

PS4. If Dust 514 gets upgraded to PS4, deprecating the PS3, then I probably would get a PS4 at that point. Destiny might be exciting, but that I can get that on an Old-Gen console either way.

To be truthful, I don't have much reason to spend a lot of money on a game console that I probably won't use much anyway. On the old gen consoles, I still have to get through Red Dead Redemption and Max Payne 3. I played partway through both those games over a year or two ago, and I still haven't bothered to finish.

So, when it comes to PS4's an XBox's, I really have little reason to upgrade considering I barely play anything anymore. Dust 514 would be pretty much the only reason to upgrade right now. Quantum Break might be cool, but I should stay back and try to finish Max Payne 3 and Red Dead on the older consoles first.

Nintendo? I stopped being a Nintendo gamer a long time ago, long before the GameCube was even released. The only Nintendo we owned was a couple game boys, and we only rented the tv console a few times in my childhood. Nintendo was probably the first game console I played on --- but it didn't stick.

SOOOOO ---- when I want to game, what do I play? To tell the truth, due to it's inexpensive nature, that I REALLY LIKE the OUYA. It really appeals to me as a casual gamer, as I don't have to spend much on it, I can easily and cheaply buy the next one if I want to (and I do) and I can BUILD GAMES for it.

When I first got my OUYA, shortly after it's release date, I pretty much immediately started building a video game for it, which I released, and am ranked at the 54th percentile on the O-Rank with.

It's great, the ability to write and build your own console games. Great for casual gamers to select from, fun to build.

I am working on a second video game. I spent the last two days working on it. I'm taking it slow, but I'm making progress. It might even be more fun to build your own videogame than it is to play one bought in a store, and this makes the OUYA awesome.

Will I upgrade to Xbox One? Not likely, if my brother wants one, he'll get one.
Will I upgrade to PS4? Only if Dust 514 is upgraded to this device from the PS3, and then my brother would probably get it himself anyway.
Nintendo --- not a chance.
OUYA ---- AWESOME!!! CHEAP! Fun enough for a casual gamer, as it has a wide variety of games that are free to play, and one can have even more fun BUILDING their OWN videogame!

Yeah, so this is my blog post about game consoles. I'm excited about the OUYA, it's the kind of console a guy like me would like. Cheap, great selection of games that can be played casually, and even more fun when one builds a game for it without cost by themselves. It's awesome.

Maybe this post isn't necessary, but I guessed I might as well explain how I feel as a "gamer". I'm basically in the OUYA boat. Xbox and PS look interesting, but they're so expensive it's unlikely that I'd buy them at this point, especially as I am more of a casual gamer.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

New Article about a theory I have

I just wrote and posted an article about a theory I developed about where my schizophrenia came from. For a long time I had no idea why God would want to make me schizo, and now that I have an understanding of regular christian theology (and not the mormon version) I think I can understand now.

The article is posted here. And in the column of links to the right.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Where I'm Leaning in the Mormon debate

I have some confusing things to report.

There are some real good videos on youtube that show the flaws or fundamental flaws about the LDS church and mormonism - ways that the LDS church can be understood to not be true.

I would also have to say that I have become partial to believing the standard christian view of mormonism, that mormonism is an inauthentic not-actually-christian perversion of the truth.

And though I now have an understanding of how wrong mormonism is, thanks to these good teachers in these videos, and though I have been inclined for many years to believe that mormonism is wrong just from what I understood about my own relationship with God, the scriptures, and the incongruence when related with the LDS church ---

I still stand by my testimony that there is something completely freakish about how LDS Elder Oaks was able to answer a question I asked only in prayer. It is freakish how LDS Bishop Gerald Causse was able to answer a question I asked only in prayer.

There are so many ways in which it could be understood that mormonism is wrong, but LDS general authorities did appear to respond to my prayers, my LDS patriarchal blessing did appear to have an understanding of my potential future, and I also saw a mysterious vision when I got the blessing.

There are some experiences I've had that I would never change my testimony of regardless of how true or false mormonism is deemed to be.

I understand that mormonism is unlikely to be truly authentic, but I still hold my testimony about the personal evidences I've experienced as they relate to any reality about mormonism.

Maybe mormonism is just a satanic fraud --- that's an easy way to explain why I saw magic in the church even though it could so easily be the wrong church.

And though my opinion as to the actual identify of the being I saw on particular occasions may change, the fact that I saw this being on those occasions does not change.

When I saw him, I thought he was Jesus Christ. For a long time after I saw him, I thought I had seen Jesus Christ. As to whether or not it actually was Jesus Christ is questionable, but the fact that I had seen the man and had the experience is rock solid reality, regardless of if I believe mormonism to be true or false.

After numerous corrections to the text of The Book of Finch, I would say the story I express in that book is more or less true, as much as I could bring myself to tell the truth, and the only thing that changed is the viewpoint of the author at a different point in time about how true the LDS church could really be.

The Book of Finch is a true story, despite the numerous errors I've made in the earlier editions of the book. Or at least, it's what I perceived the truth to be.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Not Helping Myself get new friends

I don't have much in the way of friends. I'm tortured by my inability to play nice local-multiplayer games with anyone on my game consoles.

And I have a problem.

Finding new friends might be difficult, especially when you factor in my history and the story of my book.

I try to tell the truth in my book, but unfortunately the truth isn't quite as nice as it should have been, and people may neglect being friends with me because of my history.

I mean, they're going to say "either you are completely crazy, nuts to think that way -- and if it's true then that's bad anyways".

It's really too bad I had such a hard or negative start in my life. I need friends, for a social life, to have fun, but the story of my life from years ago may reflect negatively upon me.

I was such a good kid, trying to do the best I could --- why did things have to turn out so wrong?

Anyway, it would be nice to have actual friends, someone I can invite over to play console games with --- but considering how sad my life's story has been, I find it doubtful that anyone will want any relationship with me.j

Is it my own personal fault that my life's story turned out that way, or was it external factors beyond my control that developed?

Personally, thinking about my life and how I tried my best, I would actually blame external factors beyond my own control - I am not quite perfect, but some of the worst parts of my story had nothing to do with my own decision making. Crap happens, and that's all that was. And it probably reflects negatively upon myself, regardless of how much of a "good boy" I tried to be.