Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Is Sony paying Homage to Disney through Avril Lavigne???

I'm not sure I really want to go into full detail or discussion about this, but in Avril's two most recent songs, Avril makes reference, in my opinion, to PETER PAN and WINNIE THE POOH.

She is never growing up, and she has her cuddly teddy with her as she does it. Of course, Peter Pan originated in the UK and Winnie the Pooh originated in Canada, but of course Disney has a great deal to do with these two characters, so it might have everything to do with Disney.

Anyway, I think it's totally awesome that Avril's doing this. I mean, she keeps it separate enough so that it's not outright copyright infringement, but through the symbology of the lyrics and images we can see that Peter Pan and Winnie the Pooh are very much referenced in her music, or videos, among other things, (even Darth Vader is referenced!) so she is, with Sony, very much paying homage to DISNEY.

This is actually really awesome. Thank God for Avril Lavigne. I love it.

The Origins of Existance

A day or two or three ago I watched a facebook post by Elder David A Bednar where he talks about being a diligent learner, that the Holy Ghost will cause an inquisitive mind and all that ----

being a diligent learner, and having an inquisitive mind, I had to ask a tough question:: Does the Holy Ghost have a wife? Did pre-mortal God Jehovah have a wife?

I read one response to my question --- NO, these spirit-gods are apparently unmarried.

What that told me, was that it is not absolutely required to be married or sealed in order to become God, which is a great comfort because I am, apparently, eternally single. Of course, it also meant that Joseph Smith Jr. did not reveal everything on the topic of Godhood - as if you trust all revealed truths by Joseph Smith, he only mentions how you must be sealed to a husband or wife in order to achieve Godhood.

This evening I was thinking about more tough questions.

I watched a video on Youtube that contrasts LDS theology with standard christian theology by saying that mormons believe God was created, that he was once a man, and that Jesus/Jehovah was also created --- whereas standard christian theology would say that God is eternal with no beginning and no end and that he always has and always will exist.

So --- I start thinking in my mind these questions: Did God have a beginning? If he did, how did it all start? If God didn't have a beginning, how is it that he could always have existed eternally into the past?

The best answer that my mind could come up with to this question was that it is actually unlikely that God has always previously existed eternally in the past, and that he somehow came into being, and neglected to record or remember the whole history of everything, or at least he didn't tell us about it.

The truth is, that my mind is capable of understanding that there will be no end, but to have no beginning is beyond my ability to conceptualize.

That leaves me questioning how the beginning really happened, for which I have no real answer. Was it really just all a big bang?

And, sadly, being unable to understand how God could have always existed, I suddenly realize how easy it is for a scientist puzzling over the big bang to become an atheist, to disbelieve in God, because it's easier to understand that we all exist by mistake rather than having to believe That God is eternally past, or that God was somehow created out of nothing. The idea that our existent reality is such a complete mistake seems like the most plausible answer when you consider the question of the beginning of everything.

But, sadly for the atheists, I am not an atheist, and I am unlikely to become one. I'm sure we could turn to the Gospel of St John for answers: In the beginning was the Word, and the word was with God and the Word was God.

This is kind of hard to understand, but what St John is admitting here was that there IS A BEGINNING and God, in fact, did NOT exist eternally forever into the past forever and ever. There was, in fact, a beginning.

Scientists say it was the big bang as they imagine it. St. John, to me, seems to be describing just a singular consciousness coming into existence, and this singular consciousness just created everything.

That's the best answer I guess I'm going to get for now. But there was always a beginning, it was never a 'no beginning' situation, there always seems to have been a beginning, according to John. I believe that too.

One thing to note however: If Jehovah created the world, if Jehovah created worlds without number, then obviously he wasn't married to anyone when it happened, so having a spousal-companion-of-eternal-sealing should not be necessary to attain Godhood, or to be a creator. Joseph Smith did seem to be a little misleading, telling us that we need to get married in order to be Gods. If Jehovah and the Holy Ghost can be God without marriage, then so I can I, I'm guessing.



The LDS church in some ways seems so impressive, seems to have a good idea of how morality should be (although that is debatable) ---- but all in all I find myself being rather unsure of Joseph Smith Jr.'s revelations.

LDS.org has a missionary talking to me about my book, and she is helping me feel better about the church and feel more accepted by the organization.

But, the quality of Joseph Smith Jr.'s prophecy and revelation is seriously questionable.

There are good things about the LDS church, although there are also some really bad things about it too. Mormonism is kind of confusing in a number of ways:::

Well, despite the church's effort to help me feel better and more accepted, I don't feel I really have to explain my rationale right now about why I do not think they are completely authentic even if I see them as having some good qualities about themselves.

The LDS religion was seriously very interesting to me for a long time, and it even seemed plausibly real and miraculous to a point, but there is a point at which is stops seeming realistic or intelligent, and largely seems like a waste of time that I would be crazy to give 10% of my income to.

I was so brainwashed and hypnotized by this church that it took some serious stupidity from certain individuals to shake me out of it.

Upon closer examination of the LDS church, Joseph Smith wasn't very smart at all, and may have been fabricating things.

The church did seem so magical, however. How could the church be so magical when Joseph Smith was just a dumb boy who obviously was making some of his doctrine up, out of his own mind and understanding?

I think miracles and God are very real. But I already realize that miracles and God are not exclusive to the LDS religion.

It's also true that Joseph Smith had a very limited understanding of anything, and in fact created a church with a bit of a confused version of morality. I mean, even if the morality was perfectly logical and coherent in some form::: there are so many mormons who misunderstand it that it just becomes pointless to really follow the religion closely anyways.

There are just too many, so many ways, in which J Smith could have screwed up. Though it's true that he may have or could have met God, I would think it's possible that he is not an entirely credible witness and in fact has created some fabrications.

The smarter you get, the dumber Mormonism seems. The church just has too many not-smart things about it that it could be hard for an intelligent mind to fully believe in.

I am just a high-school educated man with a little bit of university, but I was top of the class when I was in schooling. To be honest, after having reviewed some of the facts, it is very clear that God is real and miraculous, and though God may have given Joseph Smith a chance to help or convince people of truth, the actual truth is that Joseph Smith was just a stupid boy who had a limited understanding as he fabricated some of his ideas or revelations.

Seriously, knowing what I understand at this point, Joseph Smith was not 100% authentic, though he may have had some level of truth or reality to him. But he wasn't 100%.

I'm trying to figure out how I can understand the value and quality of the LDS church. There are some good things about it, there are some bad things about it. Some of it is truly magical, some of it is just brainless superstition.

I remember hearing about Catholics and Mormons working together, friendly partnering in witnessing for Christ. Some protestants would look at this and say it's an axis of evil, saying it's two very wrong churches trying to be friends.

Personally, it's obvious that we are all imperfect, that even the Mormon church probably isn't 100% in all it's ways and thinkings.

When I look at the muslims, well, I see people who are very different from us Mormons or Christians --- but I don't criticize the muslims, I don't try to tear down their faith, in fact I have respect for them. When I look at the buddhists, I have respect for them. It's true that the Jews rejected Jesus and therefore according to their own religion there would be a punishment -- but that seems only logical.

Mormons are different, mormons are strange, stupid, great, wise, dumb. There are good things about mormons, and there are bad things about them. But though Joseph Smith wasn't very smart, it's hard to reject them completely, considering I have such a testimony of their "magic".

Even if The Book of Mormon was just made up, which it may or may not have been, Jesus may have intended for those stories to exist anyway, for whatever reason. One can be skeptical of The Book of Mormon, but the Book of Mormon makes a good effort to help people become better.

I totally admit that the LDS church has some really stupid things about it, that Joseph Smith himself wasn't that smart. But it's also true that there is a magic about the church, and that the church tries to be good, and get good things to happen, and to make people better.

In my personal experience, I totally understand how much a person would or might reject Mormonism --- sometimes it's just so ridiculous that it's hard to accept, and I understand that.

To tell the truth, I am feeling a lot friendlier towards the church recently - but I could be seen as being a little skeptical about them. I am friendly to friendly mormons, some mormons I don't get along with though.

Basically, Joseph Smith really wasn't a very intelligent guy --- but the magic does appear to be real. And I'm sure the church wouldn't deny those two facts or ideas or truths.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

If I had the Sales

You know what? It's not that I'm not working. It's not that I don't try.

If my 1700+ facebook fans all decided to actually buy and read all my books, and if all the people who downloaded my game on the OUYA actually paid for the game - I would have earned back most of the money I spent on the publisher and the advertising.

I paid huge money to get my first books published, and very few people paid for anything.

If all the people who expressed interest actually took real interest, I'd be able to earn back all that money. But, unfortunately, most of the people who look at my stuff can't be bothered to give me any money, and as such I am stuck in a perpetual state of debt. How sad.

I also just want to mention that it's true that my book was so imperfect in so many ways, and there are still ways in which my books could be improved. It's getting kind of silly how many mistakes there were. I had a good story to tell, but I guess I'm not the greatest writer.

But still, is it too difficult for all these people to pay the small fee to buy my stuff? I went through all that effort to provide this story to them, both work and money, and they can't even be bothered to spend a few dollars for it. Hummpff.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Mind Reading Experiment - Success or Failure?

To show off how bad my magic has been recently, I will now share this video showing off my mental ability:

Back to Normality

I feel like I've returned to some form of normality. Mostly.

I'm not in a state of perfect normality, I still think there are some quirks of my mind that are operating in ways that I don't think they should, but I am not at the same level of insanity I used to be.

What's weird is that when I was "insane" I had a wider awareness, like my mind was connected to an invisible ether of information. Even if the information I received was true, this was considered to be mental illness.

Whereas now, my mind does not receive all that true information, I am often just using an incorrect imagination, and somehow this is considered to be more normal or less ill. Weird.

Anyway, I'm not sure you can expect any great prophecies or cool magic from me right now. I just happen to have returned to some form of normality. Not quite perfectly normal, but I'll just say I'm not the same insane I used to be.

What does this mean for my telepathy?? It means I am a very low-low-level mentalist now. I'm not really very good, it's like I've actually LOST my skillz. I have some success, but that success is very limited and not very exciting. It pretty much seems live I've returned or am returning to normal.

I'll just emphasize, however, that I'm not perfectly normal. There might still be a hint of some form of telepathy in my mind, although if it's true revelation or false I can't be entirely sure. If it's false revelation, then I've entirely degraded. If it's true, well, historically doctors don't accept that either.

So, essentially I still have some insanity, but I'm much closer to being normal now. And I'm not as correct in my attempts to "prophecy" either. I used to have way more success than I do now. Who knows. It might just be that I am at this point just using my imagination rather than receiving actual outside input.

And somehow the imagination is more realistic to a psychiatric doctor than actual true revelatory input. Huh.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

My Reply to a Review on Barnes & Noble

Someone reviewed my book on Barnes and Noble, giving it a 1 star review. Hopefully I'm not breaking any rules by posting their review here:


I read the free version of this book in its entirety.  The autho

I read the free version of this book in its entirety.  The author is a good person at heart, I am sure, but seems to suffer from serious mental issues. The fixation on Avril Lavigne, his assertion that a dead grandma made him &quot;horny&quot; and caused his addiction to masturbation, his constant ranting against the mormon church, his assertion that the church should have &quot;given&quot; him a wife and his confessed acts of violent  towards others indicate that he needs ongoing help. I think if the author wants to tell a story that people will want to read then maybe a book about what it is like to live with mental illness, how working in the system is good and bad, how to find happiness and hope while living with mental illness. That is a book I would buy. 
Here is how I reply to this review:
Thank you for recognizing that I try to be a good person. Yes - I have suffered from serious mental issues. The fixation on Avril Lavigne was actually a positive part of my life, it kept me interested in life and was really quite helpful. I could have committed suicide you realize: she was my bright light.
My dead grandmother being involved in my masturbation is not always accepted as a true story, but it is true that I only started masturbating right after she died and I am truly of the belief that a ghost could sexually molest the living. I think it is entirely possible that I was so freakin' horny because of her.
Constant ranting against the mormon church. Just so you know::: I used to completely support the church, so then they gave me miracle powers. Then they wanted me to disbelieve in miracles and deny the holy ghost. Why wouldn't I rant against that?
Yes ---- my LDS patriarchal blessing said I would be sealed/married to a woman of my choice. This has never happened. If you are saying the church had no obligation in this matter, then why did the church bless me with that?
Yes --- maybe my violence was wrong, maybe I did need help for that. But it's not my fault my classmates hypnotized me to be a murderer.
Thank you for telling me what a good book to read would be like. I would just like to mention that your review completely passed over all the miracles I mention in my story. Wow.

That is my off-the-top-of-my-head response to that reviewer. If my fixation on Avril Lavigne was wrong, then why don't I just go kill myself? I mean --- she was HELPING ME. You said I need help and she is helping me, so there you go.

UPDATE::::: 8/09/2013 6:27PM

Though it seems harsh that I would receive a couple one star ratings, it is also true that I could be typified this way because of Finch, and their song about falling like a 'bad star'. Of course, this might not sell books, but all in all I don't even find this review hard to read.

Yes - I suffer from mental issues, the but reviewer says "I want to read about what it's like to live with mental illness, how working in the system can be good and bad, and how to find hope and happiness with a mental illness".   To tell the truth, my book is about these three things, so I did fulfill the reviewer's needs (as far as I can tell) --- is the only difference that I am suffering from mental ISSUES and not ILLNESS???

Yes --- it can be understood that I have mental issues, but the reviewer seems to think my book isn't actually about having a mental ILLNESS. I am actually not hurt by this review, even if it is only one star rating, especially as Finch would typify me that way.

The review that did hurt however was that Amazon.com review where I was given one star and was told i'm crazy. So--- are you trying to say you hate crazy people? And please, back up your position with more information based on the book. That reviewer was actually trying to be insulting.

So --- though it's a one star rating, this barnes & noble review doesn't feel hurtful. In fact, it almost seems to claim that I'm not even mentally ill - that I have mental issues. If the reviewer does think I am mentally ill --- then my book is exactly what the reviewer claimed to want to read.


To paraphrase this review:

"….The author is a good person at heart, I am sure, but seems to suffer from serious mental issues.  ……    I think if the author wants to tell a story that people will want to read then maybe a book about what it is like to live with mental illness"

If my book isn't about what it's like to live with mental illness - then I'm not mentally ill, I just have mental issues. If I am mentally ill, then the book is everything the reviewer wanted it to be.

Juxtapose that with how I am hated because I'm crazy for no explanation or reasoning, as the other 1 star reviewer did.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Topsy Kretts vs Letting The Light Shine

Considering the pseudonym on the cover of The Number 23 book is "Topsy Kretts", being interpreted to mean "TOP SECRETS" - you would have to wonder if I am wrong in trying to tell people the truth of the story.

Maybe there is some value or would be some value in keeping everything hidden and to myself. Except:

1) In the Bible, there's a scripture that says you should let your light shine. The truth will set you free. This means tell the truth, and tell people what you know, share your information - do not hide your light under a bushel. Even if your light is only moonlight.

2) My patriarchal blessing pretty much tells me that writing this book and sending it to anyone who'll listen around the world is the right thing to do. If there's anything in my patriarchal blessing which I could receive at this point in existence, it would be to share my information worldwide as much as I can. Yes -- this part of my blessing is mentioned as a different part than the travelling and preaching - both are explicitly mentioned. It doesn't say "write a book", but it does say that I'll share my thoughts and ideas with friends and associates (or whoever) throughout the mission areas of the world.

And ---- why do I want people to buy my story? Isn't it enough to give it away for free??? I've noticed that people are all too wiling to take my book for free, but paying a small fee for an ebook is very difficult.  This bugs me, because I was all too willing to pay big money to a company to publish my book, only to find that this company is considered to be less than honest.

yes --- after spending all that money on publishing my books, I would definitely hope that people would pay the small fee just to buy my book.

Of course, I can understand that most books - especially self-published books - don't make it very big, and I've also learned that the maker of the product has the highest hope and faith in their own product.

So, why should you buy and read my book? It is a truly miraculous story that faces questions about mental health and mental health's relationship to miracles.  In fact, it contains information that I don't even mention in any previews because you are only going to find that information only if you buy the book.

Yes --- one guy who I mention in Letters to Whomever said he wouldn't buy the book because he thinks I've already revealed all the information on my blog anyway. Well, he wasn't being too bright -- I'm not dumb enough to reveal everything for free, unless I release my book for free.

And as for releasing my book for free:::: I am SERIOUSLY disappointed that none of my readers/downloaders could be bothered to write a review and rate my book. That's probably why I'm holding my contest.

As for the contest::: the contest might seem like a waste of money, but in all seriousness, getting people to read the book and then getting some discussion on the book is worth $800 to me. There are other things that I can think of spending $800 on, but my book and story are so special to me that I am much more willing to spend this kind of money just to get people to read and discuss the story.

I guess I might as well mention one more thing::::

In bible studies, some people comment how latter manuscripts of the bible contain stories that weren't in earlier editions.  In the case of my own book --- thus far the latter edition is the better edition. First edition was just plain awful. First draft of the first edition was hideous.

3.4 edition still isn't a completely perfect finished version of the book, but it's as far as I've gotten so far.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

A Facebook Appeal has failed

Last night I tried posting the following message on Facebook, offering to pay $20 so ~4,000-8,000 people would see it.


Hello, I am burdened with a heavy debt and only have a mediocre or modest disability welfare benefit for income to pay these debts.

When I meet a beggar or panhandler on the street, when they ask me for money, I do the decent thing and give them some coin. I am in a situation where I essentially feel like a beggar, because I have debts to pay, a life to live, and I am not fully capable of working.

I wrote a couple books. I hired a vanity publisher to publish these books for me. I had few reported sales. The publisher has been taken to court for a class action law suit because it is widely believed by their authors that they do not report sales or royalties as they should:: essentially, they have been accused of stealing, among other things.

I spent thousands of dollars to publish with this company, on a credit card. I spent over a thousand more trying to advertise my books --- only to find that I will get people clicking my ads, or clicking "like", without actually purchasing anything.

I feel like a beggar because I need a large number of people to buy my book - just so I can pay my debt. The ebooks cost only a few dollars and won't set you back much.

And yes, I've switched to a different publisher - one that is considered to be more honest.

Basically, I need several thousand people to buy my ebook, so I can quickly pay my debt and get that out of my life - and cancel the credit card. I am begging for just a few dollars from a few thousand different people. You will receive my book in return.

Here are the books that I have to offer:

The Book of Finch - http://amzn.to/VWiVX8

- also available at Barnes & Noble, iBookStore and other online retailers.
The Book of Finch is a story about an adventure of my life. It could be considered rather controversial, so if you don't want the controversy, you can read my other book:

The Eagle's Sore - http://amzn.to/14z69ED
- also available in softcover. This is a fantasy/science fiction hybrid novella I wrote to try my hand at writing.

I have given away many free copies of these books, but most people aren't even courteous enough to leave reviews. And people only want them for free.

I spent thousands of dollars to publish and advertise these books, and I have a very hard time getting people to buy them --- so essentially I am a poor man on disability welfare with a huge debt, with people who click my ads and click "like" but never actually buy anything.

Essentially, I'm begging for a small payment from several thousand people - and you get a book in exchange, which is better than begging. Considering that I give to beggars whenever they ask, I'd say the decent thing to do is to just pay the small fee for the ebook.

If you don't want an ebook, and don't mind spending part of your money on paper, I recommend buying the softcovers from this website:http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/krisattfield

Thank you very much for reading.

1,268 people saw the message as of now, 3 people "liked" it, one person liked my page because of it --- and though I've spent almost $5 already just sending that message around, only ONE person clicked on the link to a book.

So, even if that one person did actually buy my book, it wouldn't pay for the $5 I spent on the advertising.

What's sad - is that this is a poor-disabled-man's appeal for help, and most people didn't even bother, and the few people who did click, most of them are unlikely to have purchased anything.

What is wrong with our society? This ad was shown only in Canada and the United States.

I stopped the ad because it became evident it wasn't going to work.