I think it's very interesting that this evening's CES Devotional was provided by an Elder from Raymond Alberta, just south of where I live. I heard Raymond is mormon country, so it's no surprise.
What were my thoughts about having an Albertan General Authority teach at a CES Devotional? I thought it was either going to be really good, or really bad, leaning towards the idea that it would be really bad.
His talk.... had very little to do with anything on my mind recently, as he gossiped about President Monson. Well, his talk wasn't utterly horrible, and it was very nice of him to celebrate President Monson's life, but I didn't garner much enjoyment from it. Let's just say, that for a few talks from general authorities in CES devotionals I've gotten excited about how they answer my prayers and appear to be God's responses to what I talk to God about. This time there was very little of that, so I just got to enjoy a recital of the events of Thomas S Monson's life.
What Elder Walker DID say though is that there are no mistakes, no coincidences, and no campaigning when it comes to the choosing of the leaders of the church.
In reference to how Richard K Melchin told the youth years ago about an apostle coming from our stake someday, all I could think about was: Either this apostle is me, or it's not me, and even if it is me, it might not happen anyway.
There are big reasons to suspect that I could be the apostle Richard Melchin notified the stake youth about, but if it is me we have to deal with my alienation from the church over the past decade. I thought about how I was supposed to be doing something with my life, but how that's all gone awry and if I were the Apostle from Calgary West Stake, then I'd be the embodiment of Jonah an Judas combined, if the past few years of my life have been any evidence.
Regardless of Bishop Gerald Causse's CES Devotional months ago, I still feel like my blessings are taken away, like it's not coming true. If I am to do something with my life, then I could be an apostle. If I'm not the apostle, then I really wonder how God intended for me to do my blessing. And then maybe I just lost my blessings anyway.
I have to say ----- I am STILL ambivalent towards the church. I think there are great and wonderful things about mormonism and since I was young I was always very interested ----- but in my later years I've been having such issues trying to understand how this church is good or right. The church doesn't really seem that great in some ways ----- and if I'm going to be the Apostle from west stake, we need to figure out how to deal with these issues.
Yes --- it seems like lunacy for me to mention this future-apostle stuff on my website, but as my book is now free and my book mentions it, I guessed I'd expound a bit on this blog.