Thursday, May 30, 2013

"Now You See Me" at the Theatre

I just came home from seeing a very good movie at the Cineplex.

I don't want to spoil the story for any of you, it was just a really good movie (to me at least).

It's interesting that I was able to watch it on May 30th a bit before the day of release on May 31st --- it's weird how the website says it's released tomorrow but I was watching the evening before. No idea.

Anyway, it's a real good movie.

So: This time when I went to the concessions, they were all out of hotdogs. I guess I just have to live with that. I just bought a large drink instead. I learned a lesson this time:: you can actually take your food containers with you and put them in a garbage outside the theatre rather than leaving your garbage in the chairs. Learned a lesson.

I would LOVE to discuss the "Now You See Me" movie, but I won't, I just spoiled it for my father as he drove me home so there's no point in talking about it online:: just go to the Cineplex to see this really good movie for yourself. ;)

Slightly wrong mental thinking - but coincidental

I sat down this morning, and my mind somehow turned to the French Revolution that I learned about in high school and I started to think about that one guy who killed all those "enemies of the state" by guillotine, only to be declared an enemy by the state himself and then beheaded - being the last person killed in that mess.

I couldn't think of his name, but the name "Voltaire" came to mind. I couldn't remember what the killer-french-guy's name was, but the name "Voltaire" did pop into my head, and I wondered. I then thought a bit about electricity and voltage.

Anyway, why is it such a big deal that the name Voltaire came to my mind even though I can't for the life of me remember the name of the guy I was actually thinking of?

Well, I was just looking at my AuthorHouse report, to look for sales, and then I went to AuthorHouse's facebook page to find today's post says "French writer, philosopher and historian Voltaire died on this day in 1778"

So - that was interesting. I still can't remember the name of the french guy who did all the killing, but the name of a French writer came to mind, and all of the sudden I find out that today is the day he died!!!

Wow. I'm not sure that this was telepathy, I don't think this was telepathy - I'm not sure how to define what it was. It was just a name that's important on this date popping into my head. Hmmm.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Failure and some luck

So, for the past 5-7 tests with telepathy I did on my father, I've done dismally. I get EVERYTHING wrong on these tests.

But after failing dismally several times in a row with my father, I decided to try two tests on my mother:

Test 1:
I said: Z R L
She said: 9 B 6
Result::: this is like a complete failure, except that R and B share some characteristics in how they appear, so it could be some slight telepathy.

Test 2:
I said: T Q 2
She said: A O Z
Result::: Again I got everything "wrong", but the Q and the O are similar in shape with only one little difference in the characters, and the 2 and Z are very similar in shape, almost the same character in appearance.

So -- I'd say I had some OK results with my mom. I failed horribly with my father, but I regain confidence with my mother.

Oh --- and about my "user interface" when using this telepathy::: there's a reason why I get characters that look the same, this telepathy is a transmission of images, not sounds. I found that when it comes to short distance mentalism that I work best with images, and I assume that my long distance telepathy works good with speech. Two different kinds of thought, one looking at the image in a brain, and the other is a verbal thought speech type thing.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Day of the Cineplex

I don't normally talk about the details of my corporate ownership in public online, but I have a little story to tell.

This morning I excitedly bought a chunk of Cineplex Inc - Canada's big theatre chain. I was a bit bored today, and I was excited about having acquired part of the theatre, and today is discount tuesday where people with scene cards get a 10% discount on already-discounted tuesday tickets. I have a scene card, so I decided to go to my local theatre at Crowfoot Crossing and watch a movie.

The story I want to share was the time I spent at the concession stand:

-I walk up to the teller and tell him I want a number (4?) combo - the hotdog with nachos, cheese, and a large diet coke.
-He asked me what movie I'm going to see.
-I tell him I'm going to see epic.
-He tells me that's a pretty good movie, and then comments "Isn't that a Disney film?", looking at me like I'm a bit old to see something that's G rated all by myself.
-I responded saying that I had no idea who made the movie. And then feeling awkward about being an old man going to see a kids' movie by myself, I decided to break the news: "Actually, I'm here because I just bought this company".
-He looked at me with with surprise (or shock) on his face. He seemed to be a little astounded that he was now speaking to the new owner of the Cineplex theatre.
-To calm him down, I decided to tell him exactly how many shares I purchased.
-He seemed rather impressed by my level of ownership in the company, but the situation became less awkward because though I have a big share, it is actually a really quite small share. Depends on your perspective.

Anyway, that was a fun little story about today. One more thing: as I retrieved my hotdog from the pickup counter, I went to the condiment stand and tried to get some relish for my hotdog. They were all out of relish - nothing coming out of the pump.

With my level of ownership in the company, you'd think I'd be able to instruct the folks at the local cineplex to keep the relish stocked. :) haha. Yes - if any one at cineplex reads this, I am an owner, and my input on how to run this company is to "keep the relish stocked and available in the relish dispenser-pump thing".

Monday, May 27, 2013

Pay Card Issues

I am seriously wondering about my two credit cards and debit card.

For both of my credit cards, I buy things, I look at my online banking, and I realize something::: somehow both my credit cards have recently charged me $1 more than I actually spent. On my one card, all I did was eat at a local burger place, and I go home to find that $1 more than my receipt from the restaurant indicated had been taken from my credit card's account.

Same goes for my second credit card: I look at my bills and I add up all the numbers and all my known expenses, and when I reach my final tally I realize I have been charged $1 for something that wasn't mentioned in my expenses and it's definitely not interest either.

And then there's the reported cases of Fraud.

With my debit card and with one credit card I've already received notification from both banks that someone might be fraudulently using my account. I had to go get my PIN changed on my debit card and my credit card sent me a new card. However: when checking the records of my expenses on these cards, I see no sign of recent fraud.

So:: on my two credit cards, on each card I'm charged $1 more than I should have been and on my debit card and one credit card I'm getting reports of fraudulent usage that aren't obviously fraudulent usages because none of the stated expenses weren't my own.

I'm not sure what's going on here, but I hope it gets fixed up. A dollar missing from each card that isn't declared on the statement and two of my banks report fraudulent usage. Very weird. Hmm??

A Dream Like it were out of some scripture

Last night, after setting up this blog, I had a dream --- it was a dream like it could have come out of Revelations or The Book of Mormon - but it was original enough that it's not a copy of those two.

In my dream, there was a book - it was a book of parody poems of Avril Lavigne/Avril Lavigne music and LDS children's hymns. Inside the book was a snake, a two-headed snake and the heads were small. The snake appeared to be guarding the book. One of the heads of the snake bit its own tail.

I tried giving the book to someone, but the snake scared them from reading it and they gave the book back to me.

Well, I wouldn't be surprised if this dream was about The Book of Finch, but I'm not sure I can be certain. It appeared to be a book of JUST poetry - nothing else.

This dream doesn't seem very important, and I'm not sure it actually means anything - but I just thought I'd mention it here.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Convinced - I'm Moving

Though it's not as roomy or completely nice as my old web service, I figure I might as well save some cash and use Blogger - switching away from my old blog.

As of right now - if you find this blog, but would like to see something from the old blog, then just visit http://blog.thebookoffinch.com/. Hurry! The old site will probably be gone within a month - probably much sooner.

I am not going to copy and bring over all or much of any of my old content. I'm starting afresh now. It's sad to say goodbye to the old website - but it seems like a good idea, I was spending too much money on the old site without anyone actually buying my books. I need to save money. I spend way more on all sorts of things including websites than I made in book sales, and it's unlikely book sales will do any good seeing as how the book is now free.

Hopefully Google won't complain about certain of my discussion content. We'll see.

UPDATE:: 8:03AM Monday 27 May 2013

Wow - I DID actually find a way to import my old blog from wordpress. So - we have my blog here, but now the even older blog that came before wordpress is gone. I'll suspect it's going to stay gone too.

Checking to see if this will work.

So, I've opened an account at Shaw Webspace to see if that's where I want to set up my blog, but now I'm shopping around and seeing if Google's Blogger makes more sense. For a few reasons -- Blogger might make more sense.

Of course, Google seems to have rules or guidelines about things you are allowed to post - and I fear there might be some problems with my discussion of The Book of Mormon. We shall see, I guess - if I choose to use Blogger.

If I choose to shut down my main website - I intend on just having krisattfield.com and thebookoffinch.com redirect here - if I choose to stay here.

Moving the website

I've made my decision: I'm moving to Blogger.

You can now find my blog at http://krisattfield.blogspot.ca (or is it krisattfield.blogspot.com??).

 

I went from using Apple's mobileme service to using my own website and now I'm moving to google.

 

Unfortunately, not everything on this site will be moved over to the new site. In fact, much of what I said here will be left behind.

New Website Home & Book Sales

I'm going to start off by saying that you might have noticed that this blog is now featured on blog.thebookoffinch.com - and krisattfield.com now just redirects to the former address.

The reason I did this is because when I looked at my website stats, I would feel popular because of all the supposed "visitors" I was getting. But upon further and closer inspection, many of the visits I received were just from comment spammers or comment spam bots. In an effort to clean up my stats page to see how many truly interested visitors I have, I have moved to my other URL.

It's possible, especially if few people actually visit this site to actually read or learn anything from me, that I'll just switch my blog to blogger.com or something - that google service. There's no point wasting money on internet servers that few to no people visit.

 

As for my book sales: well, it's obvious that The Book of Finch is becoming more widespread - as of this moment, after two months of giving it away for free on smashwords and amazon, I have given away about 93 copies of the book. That's an approximation of just the past two months. I am happy with these results, and I'm glad that some of those readers actually decided to have a look at Amazon's Aftermath page too (my essay to end the story) --- but unfortunately all the free downloaders have been too cheap to spend $0.99 on the final chapter - I give the book away for free and some people are even interested in the sequels, but no one has downloaded Aftermath.
I am happy to note, however, that some nice reader actually did buy Letters to Whomever on Barnes & Noble. As for the supposed purchase you see of Letters to Whomever on amazon -- that was me buying my own book, so don't expect a review to appear.

So - I just wish all my readers would stop being cheap and pay at least the $0.99 on Aftermath - but it would be great if they would buy my other two books as well -- it's not THAT expensive!!

Why are people soooo cheap? I spent thousands of dollars on this book project and advertising and people only want to read for free --- they can't be bothered to drop $1.99. So sad. That's not everyone, but that's the way the majority of readers are. The even greater majority of my fans click "like" without even reading the book even if it's free. Very sad.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Three More Telepathy Tests

I'm just going to talk a bit about my three latest telepathy tests. I don't have the exact results in front of me as I write this right now, but I remember enough:

 

This first test I did with my brother-in-law and his brother. I got only one right. I got the letter "A" right. Yay.

 

The second test I did with my father just moments ago: I got one right, the letter "F". The F was the second character, on the first character I saw what looked like a T with a rounded part on the right side, but I couldn't figure out what it was, it didn't seem like a valid character, so I just wrote down "T". The first character turned out to be a P, exactly what I saw, except the bottom of the P had been cut off in my telepathic view so I couldn't realize what I was seeing. Yes -- my dad's P had been crossed at the top so it looked like a T with a rounded part, just like what I had seen.

 

The third test I got completely wrong.

 

So, I'm not that good, but I have demonstrated some ability, yet again.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Just a quick message from my iPhone

Though I appreciate or am content living under two conservative governments here in Alberta, on days like today I realize just how awesome socialism is. Today is a good day to celebrate one thing Canada's NDP has done for the country: socialist medicine is just so awesome.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Enforcing Rights and Freedoms

I'm going to try to keep this short:

My father, brother and I had a bit of a discussion today, where it was decided that constitutional freedoms can only be used to challenge laws of the land or country and are not enforceable in the every day life of Canadian citizens - they are only enforceable against the government, apparently.

 

So --- it's interesting that when your right to security or your right to property is infringed upon that you can call the police and have the perp arrested, but when your right to liberty or your freedom to do whatever is infringed upon, what the heck are you supposed to do?

 

It's easy to understand that your constitutional right to security and in alberta right to property can be enforced by the police ---- but my family doesn't seem to know of any indication or idea that the right to liberty or freedom of whatever would also be something you can enforce by calling the police.

 

So - if someone beats you up, then you can call the police on them because they infringed on your right to security.

If someone starts bossing you around and controlling your life, there is no guarantee or even any idea that calling the police is appropriate. In fact: if someone starts controlling you, and you fight back, the person controlling you can then call the police on you because you are infringing on their security by fighting back.

 

Weird eh?

Saturday, May 18, 2013

I have PROVED my relationship with Avril Lavigne - is she cyber spying on me, or is it really telepathy???

BIG NEWS!!!

Remember this blog post from a little while back????

Well, I sent out a message saying I told Avril Lavigne about the video games I was playing --- and she HAS SUCCESSFULLY RESPONDED WITH THE NAME OF THE VIDEO GAME.  Where is her response???

 

LOOK AT THE LATEST COVER OF "NYLON" MAGAZINE with AVRIL LAVIGNE on the COVER!!!

 

There are a few signals here, there's Avril Lavigne herself on the cover. There's my special lucky numbers "213".

 

And then, right at the bottom of the list of artists, there is a name "EVE".

 

YOU ARE CORRECT AVRIL:::: I WAS PLAYING "EVE ONLINE" and "DUST 514" WHICH IS PART OF THE EVE UNIVERSE.

 

Absolutely awesome.

 

I would love to reprint the Nylon Magazine cover for you to see, but I don't want to risk copyright infringement, which brings me to my next subject::::
THIS IS ALMOST but 'NOT QUITE' COPYRIGHT-Infringement.

 

There's a new movie coming soon called "Now You See It".  I just watched Star Trek in theatre this evening and I distractedly heard the word "Mentalist" in regards to a movie about Performers who rob banks.

 

That totally reminded me of my book, "The Eagle's Sore" --- but it was so different from my book that it just happens to be a similarity only in the form of a vague concept --- mostly different, and as it shows plenty of showmanship, I guess the Amazing Kreskin won't feel left out.

 

So -- a mentalist or magic performance group robs a bank in this movie --- in my book, there's a crazed dwarven kleptomaniac ---- he's a telepathic dwarf who steals things and becomes very rich. That is all I'll say.

 

 

Anyway ------AWESOME!! I AM TOTALLY GOT AVRIL ON THE LINE FROM TIME TO TIME ----- Is it the telepathy or is she just hacking me??? Probably telepathy ---- Anyway, she's probably well aware of all my silly thoughts, so I should be embarrassed, but hey -- I keep happy. :)

Friday, May 17, 2013

New Advertisement on Website

I've been having difficulty generating revenue from actual book sales (assuming Authorhouse doesn't or won't report anything more) so, knowing that I've got hundreds of people who visit this site every month, you must now look at some pretty google ads in the right column.

 

The questionable part about me doing google ads is if I am considered to be racially opposed to any group. It seems like I'm breaking the rule --- but in reality, I'm just parroting The Book of Mormon's confusion on one topic, and as for the mormons themselves, I still express support for the apostles so I'm not entirely against mormons either.

 

I think if my talk of the Book of Mormon doctrine and talk of the mormons themselves, if talk of these put me in contradiction with Google's guidelines, then that's sad because this is the religion I grew up with, and this discussion is intellectually unavoidable for me.
Anyway, maybe Google might have a policy problem with some of the things I say, maybe not. Basically, if there's a policy problem with me, it's a policy problem with The Book of Mormon. And as for my own position on mormons, I am ambivalent, I both dislike them, and like them.

 

So, I'll just have to let google decide if I'm against the rules. Here's hoping.

 

(seriously -- it might just turn into a rule that says mormons aren't allowed to use google adwords because of the inherent racism in the scriptures and history of their religion, which is sad for me, because if I turned against mormonism I'd still be racist. So I joined a church that's "racist", not knowing of that part about the church, and then if I turn against the church I'm still being racist. Hard to deal with when trying to discuss the topic on a website, but having to deal with the policy issues of google ad words.)

 

UPDATE 5/18/2013 2:03PM:::::

I was just looking at the Google Guidelines on Prohibited content, and they say "However, websites containing academic or historical content related to such subjects are permitted to participate in AdSense." OK - this means that I will probably be allowed --- as I am largely or I am 99% sure I'm being academic about my talk of racism. There was a time when I was so "in to" the church that I would have been obeying The Book of Mormon as I understood it, but overtime mormonism became less and less impressive so I don't really care to actually follow that path anymore. Now I'm just talking about these things in a historical or academic context. Yay.

 

Of course, there's still the way a certain country or race might decide to brown-nose me on facebook even though they don't really read my stuff --- and it does seem racist to want to kick them off my facebook page, but it is in fact largely just their race that is always clicking like and it seems evident that they don't actually care to actually read the book even if it is free. Most of my fanclub is dumb because they don't actually read my book --- but that one nation in my fanclub is particularly bad just because they always click like even though they didn't read the book. and if they did read the book, why was $1.99 too much to spend on it, even though they were able to afford their kindles or other e-readers? I am insulted by this behaviour! It seems racist, but the only effect my attitude would have about this would be to kick them off my facebook page, which I have not completely done. More about this story here.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

A darned good reason to believe

So: I think I have proven that I have some telepathic ability, some mind-reading capability. I've shown that it doesn't always work, or doesn't always work very well, but it does perform in such a manner that I've convinced my dad that this telepathy thing is reality.

 

In the results of my four most recent tests, we can see it demonstrated that the ability doesn't always work, but it does exist. Here are my most recent four readings:

 

Test 1: COMPLETELY WRONG

I said: G/O M 3

Dad said: P 4 X

 

Test 2: TWO-THIRDS CORRECT

I said: R/B Z O

Dad said: X Z 0

 

Test 3: ONE THIRD AND ALMOST TWO THIRDS CORRECT

I said: A F/R F/R/D

Dad said: F G 7

note: I got the F right, and I said the last character looked like a previous character, thinking it was also an F. It was actually a 7 - a 7 with a third line drawn horizontally halfway up the shaft, making it look like a mirror-reflection of an F. I was close to think of the same kind of shape twice in the same selection.

 

TEST 4: NONE RIGHT - BUT ONE MIRRORED AGAIN

I said: C M 5/S

Dad said: 2 J Z

note: 2, Z, 5 and S are always getting confused with me, even in the sense of being mirrored images from each other or just being similar in shape. I was wrong, but it was a mirrored image type situation again - as it often turns out to be.

 

SO - those are the results of my four most recent tests. Not the best, but it was pretty good. I think I have clearly shown some ability - even if it's not very good.

Compared to Wikipedia

I was just looking at wikipedia to compare my memory with what wikipedia says about Avril Lavigne concerts in Calgary.

 

There were two disagreements I noticed in a big way at the forefront: Wikipedia says Avril Lavigne's CBC concert for her first presentation of The Best Damn Thing was on February 16th 2007

and

Wikipedia said Avril's April 1st 2004 mall concert in Calgary was at Southcentre mall.

 

In my book, and in my memory, I think the CBC concert was April 2nd 2007 and the mall concert was at Sunridge mall.

 

So - who was right, me or wikipedia?

 

Upon examining historical records in my e-mail, the CBC concert was on April 2nd. I was right.

EDIT--- The actual taping of the concert itself was on February 15th 2007. We were both wrong, but wikipedia was closer. Damn.

Upon examining old newspaper records on the local public library's website, the mall concert was at Southcentre. Wikipedia was right.

 

So, I'm just going to have to edit the text of my book a bit, to change Sunridge to Southcentre, because I was wrong in my memory. Dang. I feel so dumb now. Ah well, this has happened before. I keep screwing up in my book.

 

Oh well, at least I say in my book "Some names have been changed" and the location of the mall is likely inconsequential to most readers.

 

I'm still sad about that screw-up though. :(

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Big Plans

Sooooo.... today I was researching, um, stuff I don't want to talk about - but as I was researching I came across information about a games console being released soon called the "Ouya". It looked so cool that I immediately pre-ordered a console from amazon.

 

So, I go through my day feeling excited about a number of things going on in my life, but I began to realize that I HAVE AN IDEA for a game. I had only just heard about this console today, and I've never seen it used, but just from understanding that anyone can develop on it for free, I became very excited that I even had a game idea.

 

In the past few months I had been studying Objective C iOS application development on iTunes U --- lightly studying, only when I am really-really bored. I got through a few classes.

But I had no ideas for anything to program on iOS --- absolutely no ideas. No clue what to do.

 

But since the Ouya is a different interface than a touchsreen, I became creative in my mind about what I could do to create a project.

 

So, I've got an idea for a game, there's a console I can develop it on --- and now we just have to test my intellectual programming mettle to see if I can figure out how to write JAVA for the Android running on Ouya.

 

I pray God will give me the mental ability and agility I'll need.

 

And, of course, I'm not going to say what my game idea is so none of you can steal it - but I have an idea, and if my brain works and if I can figure it out and make it work, then I'll probably release it for public usage.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

New Relationship Article

I just wrote an interesting little article about the evidence of my relationship with Avril Lavigne: a "greater-than-nothing" relationship. It's in the articles section on this website, or you can click here.

Almost- and sort-of 'exciting' telepathy results

So, I'm not the greatest mentalist, I'm not too impressive, but I think it's clear that evidence shows that I am capable of some mental feats.

 

Over the past few days, I performed FOUR alpha-numeric pick 3 experiments with my father. Here are my results:

 

Test 1:

I wrote down: P (O or Q) (5 or 2)

His original was: P 4 X

1 right, in the right position of the sequence.

 

Test 2:

I wrote down: M O P

His original was: 4 Q S

None right, but my O is comparable in shape to his Q.

Just a moment, I'm noticing something: I got O/Q wrong in the first reading, only for him to choose Q in his second original. I got 5/2 wrong in my first reading, and he said S in his second original, which is sometimes confused with 5. I wonder if he's just reiterating the parts that I already got wrong.

 

Test 3:

I wrote down: J R (T or L)

His original was: X R (I or 1 or l)

I got the R right, and though his last character looks like it could be an I or a 1, he said it was a lower-case L. So, I kind of got that right too.

 

Test 4:

I wrote down: 4 5 (D or C)

His original was: 4 P T

I got the four right, and that's 1/3, but I also got the D shape, which might have come from his P, maybe.

 

So there you have it::: In all these tests I got right or close about something, so I'm pleased with myself.  Considering how the odds of getting 1/3 are 1:12, I think I did pretty good to do as good as I did in four tests. I think that is sufficient evidence of my telepathy, even if it's not that good.

 

Those were the latest four tests I've done up to this point.

 

BTW - A while ago I tried to create a video of my telepathy skill, but it didn't turn out so well. I've still got to work on it, OK? :)

Monday, May 6, 2013

Continuing Love

This may come as a shock to anyone who read my book, but i have something to say on my website. I'm saying it here because a personal message just wouldn't be the right way to explain it.

 

To put it simply: I still love "Annie Liablility", the one female character from my book. I realize we can't really be together or talk or anything, due to how her parents forced us to stop communicating, but I just hope she's happy, that's she's going to be OK. I mean it.

 

It really, really hurt me that our relationship was destroyed by outside controlling forces, and I really hurt over it for a long time, but when I told her I would always love her --- well, it's true, I still have good and warm feelings in my heart for her.

 

I do kind of wish we could be friends again, but I realize there was some extremely negative personality who destroyed our relationship and forced us apart.

 

If I were to be friends with her again --- the one thing I would fear is any more extremely stupid messages coming my way. I think there is something completely wrong, but I don't blame Annie herself, I have compassion towards her and I just wanted to be her friend, and I was in love with her, and though we can't be friends anymore, I just want to express my feelings of love for her ---- she married someone else, so I don't matter anymore, if anything this message of love can be seen as a message of "no animosity between us" sort of thing.

 

I truly feel like I still have those loving feelings in my heart for her, and I am almost brought to tears and I feel some pain about how we weren't allowed to talk to each other anymore.

 

Perhaps I did say something wrong, I know I wasn't the smartest guy even if I was smartest in my class, I said some stupid things about numerous things, I just wish we could have discussed it instead of ending it without any explanation. I do still feel the love, and I still feel some of the pain too.

 

I hope you are OK "Annie".

 

BTW ---- Annie Liability isn't her real name, I'm keeping that secret, but if she reads my book, she'll know who she is.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Elder William R Walker's CES Devotional

I think it's very interesting that this evening's CES Devotional was provided by an Elder from Raymond Alberta, just south of where I live. I heard Raymond is mormon country, so it's no surprise.

What were my thoughts about having an Albertan General Authority teach at a CES Devotional? I thought it was either going to be really good, or really bad, leaning towards the idea that it would be really bad.

His talk.... had very little to do with anything on my mind recently, as he gossiped about President Monson. Well, his talk wasn't utterly horrible, and it was very nice of him to celebrate President Monson's life, but I didn't garner much enjoyment from it. Let's just say, that for a few talks from general authorities in CES devotionals I've gotten excited about how they answer my prayers and appear to be God's responses to what I talk to God about. This time there was very little of that, so I just got to enjoy a recital of the events of Thomas S Monson's life.

 

What Elder Walker DID say though is that there are no mistakes, no coincidences, and no campaigning when it comes to the choosing of the leaders of the church.

 

In reference to how Richard K Melchin told the youth years ago about an apostle coming from our stake someday, all I could think about was: Either this apostle is me, or it's not me, and even if it is me, it might not happen anyway.

 

There are big reasons to suspect that I could be the apostle Richard Melchin notified the stake youth about, but if it is me we have to deal with my alienation from the church over the past decade. I thought about how I was supposed to be doing something with my life, but how that's all gone awry and if I were the Apostle from Calgary West Stake, then I'd be the embodiment of Jonah an Judas combined, if the past few years of my life have been any evidence.

 

Regardless of Bishop Gerald Causse's CES Devotional months ago, I still feel like my blessings are taken away, like it's not coming true. If I am to do something with my life, then I could be an apostle. If I'm not the apostle, then I really wonder how God intended for me to do my blessing. And then maybe I just lost my blessings anyway.

 

I have to say ----- I am STILL ambivalent towards the church. I think there are great and wonderful things about mormonism and since I was young I was always very interested ----- but in my later years I've been having such issues trying to understand how this church is good or right. The church doesn't really seem that great in some ways ----- and if I'm going to be the Apostle from west stake, we need to figure out how to deal with these issues.

 

Yes --- it seems like lunacy for me to mention this future-apostle stuff on my website, but as my book is now free and my book mentions it, I guessed I'd expound a bit on this blog.