Monday, April 1, 2013


I wish this were an april fools, and considering how I normally feel about my life it would be.


But in all seriousness, I am crazy. My telepathy is not really good enough to prove anything anymore, and really - it's quite logical to understand that my mental abilities aren't what they used to be (referring to any form of actual intellect).


I've been learning about iOS programming on iTunes U - but I'm not learning as good as I used to when I was younger, and though I am learning, I think it's clear that I do suffer from mental deficiency.


It is such a disappointment I turned out to be this crazy.


There are other aspects of my insanity which would be considered to be HUGELY disappointing.


I just want to say, I blame my insanity on my childhood, on growing up. At home my siblings would say cruel things to each other, and I think that some of these things contribute to my adult insanity. It was basically a home of name-calling, and it had a really bad effect on my grown-up mind.


There's also the two years I spent at FFCA. A number of my classmates in that school were completely insane and if I were a parent, I would have pulled myself from that learning institution. It was completely wrong the way the kids behaved. I mean, they were "friendly", but they made light of very serious issues and I don't think that was any help for my developing mind.


And then there's my grandma. Either she sexually molested me, or there was some spiritual aspect about her death that took away my virginity somehow. That REALLY helped drive me insane. I'm a mormon, and mormons aren't supposed to masturbate, and I took that seriously - but my grandmother just took that away from me.

I swear, I am telling you the complete truth when I say that my very first masturbation happened right after she died and before her funeral, and I really do believe she could have been molesting me somehow.


Anyway, siblings, schoolmates and grandmother all had a hand to play in driving me insane as an adult.


And yes - I admit that I am in all likelihood actually insane. the LDS church tried to be a force of reality in my life, but in reality they are also not really that helpful either.


And though Jesus Christ is the saviour, the only name under heaven whereby man can be saved --- if you actually MEET Him then you are DEFINITELY insane, even though he's supposed to save you from the madness. Or maybe the madness is saving. I don't know, it doesn't make any sense anymore.


But yes - I am insane, unfortunately, and yes I do feel like pointing fingers at all these certain aspects of how I grew up and say that helped drive me insane, like my siblings, my schoolmates, and my grandmother. And church wasn't much help either.

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