Well, I considered earlier this year the idea that I may have lost my patriarchal blessings. If I have lost my patriarchal blessings, then I don't really have an excuse anymore for being a mentalist, and that would explain why I am under-enthused by recent testing.
Maybe it's because I'm faithless. Even though I've experienced some magic in the LDS church, I find myself disbelieving in the church these days anyways. In a lot of ways, the LDS church doesn't even SEEM true. I experienced the miraculous in the church, but most of that was dismissed as insanity.
I KNOW miracles are real. I am either seriously insane, or I've had some truly magical experiences. But, regardless of the magical experiences I may have once experienced, I may have lost whatever blessing that gave me mental power, and really, I just do horribly at my mentalism tests.
I would like to be a mentalist - I WANT to be a mentalist - And though many of my experiences validate my belief in that sort of phenomenon, recently I just seem to be failing at it. It's like the magic is gone.
It's too bad too. I have some experiences that show mental power is real, and then as I continue to experiment, the magic happens to disappear, and I am unable to continue, and would, if tested, even make a fool of myself.
Such a pity.