Last night, as I was going to sleep, I lay in bed and prayed to God about how I might reclaim my patriarchal blessing, what I should do to achieve those things God would have me accomplish.
I almost went to church this morning, I didn't because I woke up too late, and my mother was out the door to church pretty much as soon as I arose.
But as I was surfing with my iPad this evening, I saw LDS.org advertising that Bishop Gérald Caussé was giving a CES Devotional talk this evening. So, I turned on my iMac and started watching his presentation LIVE, partway through, after it had already begun.
Bishop Gérald Caussé taught of becoming the person you intended to be when you were younger. He talked about patriarchal blessings, he used "The Lion King" Disney movie to illustrate, when Simba is confronted by the Ghost of his father who wants to remind him who he is and who he is supposed to be. He talked of how Simba had run away to flee from his guilt from his father's death. But, Simba is the heir to the throne, and he had to reclaim his place in the circle of life.
Anyway, I think it's very interesting that I would pray to God one evening and the next day a top church leader gave a talk that more or less seemed to be a response to what I had said only in my personal prayer.
I have had so many doubts about the church over the years, but patriarchs and top church leaders do seem to show some kind of great reality to the Church. The truth about the church was all blurry, but there is like an anchor to the reality in how magical the leaders are. That might sound weird.
So - will I reclaim my patriarchal blessings? We'll just have to wait and see - I'm not a total friend of the church, and reactivating might be difficult, as can be exampled by today, with how I'll have to wake up earlier.
But in all truth - some things about my experiences with the church really do turn me off. Will I ever get past it?