Monday, January 14, 2019

The Detail of an Unmentioned Prediction

My breakup with my ballerina girl was a very hurtful affair for me.

But she justified it: she said: "You'll totally find someone else totally better than me!"

I did not mention this in my book. But it's a memory, I believe she said it.

She was justifying her ending her relationship with me by saying someone way better would come along.

Of course, me being totally in love with ballerinagirl ----- I thought the world of her --------- I couldn't accept that I'd actually find someone better than her later in life. I didn't believe her.

Anyway ------- so all the stuff happens, and boom :::::::: I have a belief that God told me to be with Avril Lavigne, who sang about what had just happened in my life.

The ballerinagirl herself said someone better WOULD come along.

So::: Avril came along, basically claiming to be in love with me.

So yeah ----- it's just maybe a little too bad that my own prediction came true too and such was not actually going to happen.

Even though the ballerina girl herself justified her breakup with me by saying that someone totally better would come along --------

When someone totally better did come along, NOBODY --- not the bishop, not the fanclub, not the doctors ------- NOBODY would actually let me have this better person who came along.

People decided they didn't want me to have my replacement.

Ballerinagirl herself basically predicted the coming of Avril Lavigne ------- but everybody else had a complete problem and difficulty with actually letting me actually be with Avril.

I just think it's strange you know.

All my life growing up in the church, we were taught of temple marriage, eternal families, celestial exaltation and becoming a God.

My Patriarchal Blessing told me I'd be sealed to a companion of my choice. This probably, in the 99% likelihood meant that I was supposed to get married ----- especially as that statement was followed by something about me having sons and daughters.

Anyway ----- The church made it VERY CLEAR they wanted me to get married.

But the weird thing is:::::: like, they wanted me to get married -------- BUT WHY ON EARTH DID THEY INSIST ON REPEATEDLY TAKING AWAY MY GIRLFRIEND??????

Ballerinagirl was not allowed. Ballerinagirl predicted a better girl would come along.

A better girl did come along, Avril Lavigne ------ but she wasn't allowed either.

How is it that the church raises me to believe in temple marriage and all that ---- and then won't even let me have a girlfriend?  That is just a really strange issue ---- it's mind-boggling.

Was there any possibility of "propheticness" going on here?

Well, Ballerina girl predicted someone better would come along --- she was right

I predicted such could not actually happen ----- I was more or less right too.

And yeah --- the church seems really confusing when they raise me telling me to get married ---- and then they just repeatedly take away my girlfriend. That's really confusing.

BUT ---- there might be a small little bit of propheticness in the church I'll try to admit::::

Years after these things happened, the prevailing attitude among men, as far as I am aware, is that marriage wasn't worthwhile ------- Guys go MGTOW ----- no more women, no more marriage.

Though the church's decision making was confusing, it was inconsistent, it matched up with a prevailing attitude years later that men should just say away from women.

Of course ----- if it is true that men should stay away from women --------- Then why did my patriarchal blessing even say I would get married?

yeah who knows ----- it's a little confusing.

But anyway ----- fact is::::: The ballerina girl herself predicted that Avril would come along to be with me --------- and God even verified this to me --------------- so it's just very interesting how nobody, not the bishop, not the fanclub, not the doctors, not my own family -------- nobody would actually let me have the person who came along afterward.  Very strange isn't it?

Ballerina girl tried to justify the end of the friendship for me by saying I'd find someone way better ---- she was right, but nobody actually let that happen.

Yeah. Just strange.

Sunday, January 13, 2019

I deleted a post

This post is to say I deleted a recent post because the information contained within might be the kind that would 'blow your mind'.

I often think of something Jesus said "Don't hide your light under a bushel" -------- I've always understood this to mean to share your information and knowledge with others.

But another thing Jesus said is "Don't cast your pearls before swine" -------- and thinking I was following the former scripture I've ended up breaking the latter scripture at least once in a very bad way in my life.

So yeah ---- I still need to figure out how to balance the exposing of light with keeping my pearls safe.

In other news:

This morning I wrote and played and recorded a simple piece of music.

I called it "Mellow Music 1".

After recording it and listening to it a few times ---- yes ----- I felt very mellow.

But I end the music with "sad" chords.

And yeah --- somehow when I was feeling mellow afterward I started feeling sad too. It was so interesting how playing the music played with my emotions.

This is the 3rd piece of music I've recorded since 2013.

The first was the Pfhonge Theme played on keyboard. It was happy music.

The second was "What I Want" played with my guitar and vocals. It was happy and magical music.

The third is "Mellow Music 1" played solely on guitar. It was very mellow --- and even a bit sad.

To tell the truth, unless you like really mellow music, this music isn't for everybody. It was fun to make, and it's good practice for switching between chords, but it's very boring. But it's short. It's just not the greatest song ever ----- but it DOES mellow you out.

Saturday, January 12, 2019

An Update on my Game Dev Status

So a little while back I backed up my old macOS on another hard drive and updated the main drive to Mojave.

I'm glad I did.

Mojave doesn't like Unity 4 very much.

So I updated Unity on my Mojave drive.

And everything is great, except for the fact that the Unity 4 First Person Controller has been deprecated and at first glance, to get an easy First Person Controller I'd have to spend $95 on the Unity Asset Store.

It's so hard to decide what to do with money and budgeting sometimes.

Before doing the above,

I had just budgeted that maybe I could not spend any more money on food for a month and a half (living off of my food storage) and then be able to buy a low-end model mac mini to replace my 1.4ghz mini.

I'd pretty much be in a constant state of being broke if I did that. I cut up my credit card the other day, so I'm not going to be having access to debt anymore.

If only I had actually been paid for my books. Then this wouldn't be a dilemma.

On one hand, I've got food storage to live off of, be broke, but finally get a new mac mini,

while on the other hand, I like good food and maybe it would help to spend $95 on a First Person Controller Unity Asset. And I could save more money.

Upon reflecting, it makes more sense just to buy real food ------ I don't necessarily need a new mac mini now that I've got a system backup of High Sierra and the new version of Unity on my new Mojave.

if I continue developing, I'm going to want that $95 for a Unity Asset.

yeah, I guess I'll be holding off on a new Mac Mini again for now. Made that decision just now on the fly.


In other news,

Yes ----- I won another $2 prize on the Lottery last night.

But you know something?

Gambling is actually an incredible waste of time and money.

Sure gambling can be a bit fun, but if you get sucked in you could end up losing all your cash! all your stuff!

God has started being really quite good to me, but to me, it makes more sense that people spend their money on actual goods and services rather than wasting it on the lottery or gambling.

I heard a statistic that said Americans spent a whole lot more one year on the lottery than they did on books.

I think reality would make a lot more sense if people actually paid me for my books rather than ripping them off, rather than wasting that money on the Lottery.

Gambling is a waste of time.

The odds of breaking even aren't very good. So::: yeah::: it's a waste of time and money!

But yeah ----- these games can suck you in ----- and that's dangerous!!!

So::: rather than spending any more money on the lottery, why not do the honest thing and actually pay me for my books? :)


So:::: if I were to buy a new mac mini, I still wouldn't be able to continue development fun without having extra money ----- so considering how I don't like going hungry, I'll probably just hold off on a new Mac Mini some more.

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Thoughts on Economic Inequality

In Canada, as well as who knows where else ---- we sometimes hear a lot about the "wage gap" or "economic inequality".

Being on a provincial disability payment gives me a certain perspective.

I am paid more or less the same amount of money as anyone else on my same disability program. But our disability program pays us "typically less" than most people who live in our province would "typically" make.

so:::: I heard somewhere that 7/10 Americans are supposedly "broke", while only 3/10 actually have some cash.

In Latter-Day Saint or Ex-Latter-Day Saint circles, there's this viewpoint that might go around that it's a great sin not to take care of the poor.

So:: I was thinking::: does this mean that 30% of the USA population should somehow try to "take care" of 70% of the population?

Like, how would that work?

I then took the example or idea or anecdotal thought of two people who receive the same income every month, much like my disability program:::

They have an equal beginning I'll say. Say they both make $1000 a month.

The first might pay for his essentials, and lives with his parents. Saves the rest.

The second might pay for essentials lives with his parents but spends the rest on cigarettes and alcohol.

Now::: There's obviously going to be a difference of outcome for these two people.

The first will have a big pile of savings, and better health.

The second will have no savings, maybe some debt, and not as good health.

Heck, I could add in a third person on the same payment system::

Pays for essentials lives in a rental home, and buys lots of junk.


One has no stuff, good health, and lots of savings.

One has no stuff, bad health, and no savings.

One has lots of stuff, good health, and no savings.

The point I'm trying to illustrate here is this::::: The people might have the same income all their lives -------- but their economic outcomes are vastly different based on WHAT THEY CHOOSE TO DO WITH THEIR MONEY.

It's about the habits they develop and the choices they make.

So:::: Let's say the one with all the savings is "the rich one" ------ and the other two think they need his help because they don't have as much money.

How exactly would equalizing these people economically work anyway?

Like::: why should I give my savings to a person who has lots of stuff? I have no stuff, so how would this be considered somehow equal?

If I have no stuff but lots of saved money, and that saved money earns interest ---- I might have and make a tonne of money, but I have no stuff. And I'm supposed to give my money to a person who has lots of stuff? Why what for? Why would that be equality? All of the sudden I have less money and no stuff, while he has my money and has all his stuff.

In the end, the search or quest to somehow economically equalize the human race might be entirely in vain.

Oh ---- I'm sure circumstance might play some role in a person's economic situation ------ but in the end, at some point, what it really comes down to is making choices and making habits. Make good chioces and habits and you'll prosper, make bad choices or habits and you won't.

It doesn't matter how you cut it:::: how you end up, in the end, is up to you and your choices and your behavior ---- you can't really rely on someone else to take care of you necessarily, nor would this reliance necessarily be moral either.

These are just my thoughts after pondering the question of how the rich are supposed to take care of the poor.

How are the rich supposed to actually take care of the poor anyway? Why does 30% of the population somehow have to take care of or pander to 70%?

Sure, democracy might be a thing ------ but what about personal habits and choices? Wouldn't 70% of the population demanding help or assistance from 30% over a lifetime somehow be considered immoral? Like slavery maybe?

It's really just up to personal choices and habits in the end. If I'm wrong please show me how.

Trying to economically equalize the world might be a really hard thing to do and here are some reasons why:::: not everybody wants the same thing. If everyone all had the same stuff, there would be no variety. No choices being made.

You could give everyone equal opportunity, but it wouldn't translate into an equal outcome.

Equal outcome would basically mean that everyone got the same stuff regardless of choices. In an equal outcome world:::: it doesn't matter what you choose to do ----- it doesn't matter what you really want ----- you'll just get the same as everyone else.

So Yeah. Maybe what I believe in is equality of opportunity.

But equality of outcome is different.

Somehow making equality of opportunity a thing might be OK --- that might make sense --- or maybe not ever necessarily pure equality but just trying to equalize opportunity ---- that might be OK.

But everybody is different, and even right from the day, you are born different children are not all the same as each other. It really depends on their choices, habits, health, and circumstances at that young age.

But eventually, assuming they aren't disabled, and even if they are disabled, it might really come down just to habits and choices.

It just doesn't completely make sense that rich people have to somehow pander to or take care of poor people.

Developing good habits, making good choices ---- personal development is what matters.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Musical Fun!

I've got two books of guitar music.

The first is Christmas Songs because it was relevant last month.

The second is a wide assortment of Rock and Pop.

I've now tried parts from two songs in the Rock and Pop book.

Am really quite having fun with my guitar.

Today I tried the 2nd song for the first time ----- and a little while ago I was playing, and when I was done I came upstairs and asked my Mom what she thought of my playing.

She said that I'm getting better at the art. Though, she didn't recognize the song I was playing. But it still must've sounded musical!

Yes --- I felt like I was really "rocking out" as I played this song today.

A good guitar composer will choose chords and place them in a sequence that is sensible and easy to switch the fingers on the fretboard between the chords. This song I was playing mostly did that.

The song is 4 pages long. Two problems::: I manage to get halfway through the second page before my left-hand starts feeling really screwy or bent out of shape. Then I have to stop. And that means I don't even reach the second problem:::: flipping the page when I'm done the first two pages. The second problem looks like quite a big difficulty to overcome.

I might just have to memorize the music and the chords, which will not be easy, even as I still might not have the best memory --- especially for this.

But all in all ----- learning guitar as much as I have has been a very rewarding experience even just learning and playing some music. It's fun. I'm sure it'd be a lot more fun if I had an electric guitar, but that's still out of reach due to the following budget constraints, partly::::

So::::: I'm looking at my money, and I might be able to buy a pretty decent new mac mini in about 3 months minimum, maybe 4 months if I want an extra feature. This, of course, means I will only buy buying food, my regular bills, and very little more.

I am quite enticed to buy a new Mac Mini ----- it looks like a great machine, if a bit expensive.

Of course, part of my "paranoid" self recently realized that if the power went out --- if there was no electricity ----- that normal banking as we know it today wouldn't turn out very well. I was kind of planning to concentrate more on cash, but now I'm deciding more on savings.

But yeah ------ Bitcoin is actually the most useless form of currency in the event of a power failure----- there's a good reason why CASH exists, we may not always be able to rely on electricity, depending on any number of potential disaster factors. But that's my paranoia. However, it is only practical to have a physical trading medium rather than just electronic ------ and I recently bought a book about business that said something about how the paranoid survive the best.

But yeah ---- the big point of this blog post is just to express my joy at being able to play through 40 percent of a rock song and getting complimented by my mother.

a secondary note is how hard it'll be to buy the new mac mini ----- but I would want one after using this 1.4ghz model ------ the 1.4ghz model is kind of annoyingly slow. It's usable, it's functional for what I need it for ------- but simply opening a web browser can take quite a long time it seems like. Yeah.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

I Guess I've Got Really Low Standards

I guess I'm just not like other gamers.

In Mid-December I ordered my PlayStation Classic from Amazon and gleefully waited.

Then yesterday, on New Years Day, my sister's brother-in-law came over and we had a gaming party.

According to Wikipedia, people were very disinterested in the PS Classic, and the console was apparently severely criticized by critics ---- according to Wikipedia.

We played just 4 of the games last night, and 3 of them were actually quite fun! I mean, I was so overjoyed by the fun I had on that system that when the party was over I was dreaming of playing on it some more.

Only Rainbow Six ---- which is a 1 player game, was the one game that wasn't "good". I mean, it was kind of tolerable, but we quickly found the controls to be a little weird and not the best.

I'm not sure I'd rate the PS Classic yet, as I've only played 4 of the games ----- but I had quite a good amount of fun with the system, I really liked it.

So, considering that "most" other people weren't interested, I guess I've got low standards or am completely unique in my identity as a gamer, I must be somehow very different from everyone else.

Most people had a big problem with the OUYA somehow ---- I thought it was a great system.

A lot of people seemed to absolutely hate Forge TV ------ I thought this was a great system too.

Apparently, there's much disinterest and criticism of the PS Classic ----- but again, I found the system to be really quite enjoyable.

Of course, I should probably note that according to Youtube Channels ------ big game studios on modern systems apparently don't think they're selling enough or something like that.

It might just be that as a whole the whole gaming industry is dropping (contracting) ----- Maybe American Millenials just have so much student debt that they can't afford gaming or have no time anymore for gaming.

So though I've mentioned the PS One was "critically panned" (according to Wikipedia), according to Youtube even all these great modern studios are having severe problems with modern games too anyway.

I guess most people (if the media can be defined to think for most people) most people are just really picky.

I had great fun with things "most people" didn't like.

and it might just be that American Millenials are in too much debt or are working more now, so they just don't have the same time they used to have for gaming. It might be as simple as that.

So, to summarize::: Played some games on PS Classic with family in a New Year's Party, and had great fun. When the party was over, I started dreaming or fantasizing of playi8g more on the system myself. It was fun actually.

Monday, December 31, 2018

A Really Fun Dream

It's now 3:03am. I woke up at about 2am. I feel well rested. I don't see much hope for me falling asleep again this morning, so I'm just going to do what I normally do in the morning. Drink coffee, sit around, think, ponder, maybe read.

But the dream I had before I awoke, the dream that awoke me to feeling well rested at 2am.

There were three parts:::

1) I took my guitar, (an acoustic guitar), fretted my fingers into A Major, and started trying different strumming styles or patterns.

Though my guitar is acoustic, for some reason the music was sounding very electric, and I sounded excellent and made different types of sounds based on different ways of strumming.

I have to say:::: I'm really still only a beginner at guitar in real life, I"ll just accept this part of my dream as encouragement to try strumming in other experimental ways rather than just downstrokes that I've been used to.

I have no idea if different types of strumming will really make me sound that good ---- and an indication the dream was unrealistic is how the acoustic sounded electric. But it sure was fun!

Part 2) I decided to show my new playing style to my sister. All of the sudden my guitar playing sounded very Hawaiian.

I'm guessing this might be because my sister is teaching her kids to play the Ukelele, and the Ukelele is a Hawaiian instrument. Who knows why my 6-string guitar was sounding Hawaiian in the dream though. I don't know.

Part 3) A band, in my dream, invited me to rehearse with them. They wanted to hear me play. I asked what Chord they wanted. They said "E Minor". The fun thing is that I actually know what that Chord is too, and I was consciously able to play it in my dream. I was doing some more of that strumming stuff from Part 1, when I woke up.

The dream of playing guitar and sounding good was just such fun for me. Obviously, the dream wasn't entirely realistic, but it almost felt like an encouragement to develop my skills.

How am I doing in guitar in my waking life? Well, during the Christmas Season  I was rehearsing one song over and over again::: Jingle Bells. My parents were telling me I was getting better and better.

In practice, I was able to switch between G Major and C Major and made it sound at least decent if not good ----- but when actually playing, my switch from G Major to C Major could have been better I think.

Because Christmas is over, I switched to a non-Christmas Guitar book and have been learning a bit about a different piece of music. I've learned a bit about playing Tabulature now ---- but some of the upcoming music I"ll be learning looks really difficult in the Tab.

And of course, I would probably want to get an electric guitar ----- but there are three things holding me back:::: 1) Where would I put it? 2) Coming up with the money and 3) My parents think one guitar is enough because an electric might be too loud.

But I really have to say::: Learning an instrument and learning to play IS ACTUALLY FUN.

All throughout my schooling days, Music class was never in my style. I never even took a music class except for maybe a bit of Mandatory music in Elementary school.

I'm realizing how much I've missed out now. Music just wasn't a part of my family's ability I guess. I am noting that my family just wasn't very musical, so I stayed away from Music in school.

Why finally get into music? Thanks to the inspiration of Avril Lavigne really. And I am thankful for it. It took me a very long time to finally make the leap.


In other news:::::

My Mom basically more or less enforces Sabbath Day observance in our home now ------ so on Sundays I don't go anywhere usually

But the good news is this:::: when I was having illness problems, part of my illness was a very big loss of my attention span or my attention abilities.

But, I've now recovered well enough that I can sit down and play a video game for 2 hours. I only stopped playing because I figured I should --- so I could stand rather than just sit down.

I also had a 2 hour period of sitting in my really comfy chair and reading a book. Again, I decided to stand because I figured it might be a good idea to get back up again.

Yeah. So when I was ill my attention span was really, really suffering. Now that I'm recovering, I can sit there and engage in an activity for 2 hours straight. This is wonderful. I am so happy. My brain is coming back to me.