Thursday, December 14, 2017

Update

I haven't written anything for about a week now --- I was kind of wondering if I should just quit blogging, either forever or for a while.  But I sensed it in my soul that maybe some of my readers were anxious to read a new story, so here's what's going on with me:

The hash rate of the bitcoin network is pretty high right now ---- but I decided to make a rather big purchase with bitcoin yesterday morning, I paid over $1CAD of value in the transaction fee ---- and a day plus several hours later, the first confirmation still has not been achieved.

And yes --- I told my bitcoin client (bitcoin core) to give me the 20-minute transaction fee, the highest transaction fee. So there must be a problem.



In more personal financial news ----- I keep hearing in my mind, using that telepathy thing, that I will be rich. God seems certain I will finally make my mint some day.


I'm poorer now than I was 6 months ago, so we'll see, I guess.


I was wondering if my lottery subscription was going to win last night --- but no, it didn't. The voice wasn't referring to that apparently.



With all the visits to this website, I wonder how nobody answered my blog poll, how I don't see sales reported.


Equifax has made me aware that most Canadians have excellent credit, which fits perfectly in line with other news stories that Canadians are basically drowning in debt.


Canadians are basically drowning in money, but apparently they "wouldn't" just pay me for my books, despite how I set the prices really low.



I suppose it's imaginable that someone or some people just don't like me, as I've said before ---- and that's actually really nothing new since I was basically disliked by my own siblings since a very early age ---- and it continued consistently in most places throughout my life.


In so many places in life, at home, at school, at church, on the internet ------ people have tended to treat me pretty poorly. I write the book about my life, and now I'm not getting paid for it. Huh.


The only sane place where I seem to find friendship and acceptance is the psychiatric hospital.


Things are improving at home, although not perfect ----- I might have not wanted psychiatry for a long time initially, but it turned out psychiatry is a real lifeline, a lifesaver.


Mormons claim that LDS bishops are the most expert psychologists ---- I think most people by now would disagree with that (I think that's another one of Kimball's statements).


So::: voices in my head indicate I'll be rich, but my life has been such heck for a long time that writing the book about my life wasn't even going to get paid apparently.


I dunno --- we'll see, a while back, months ago, I earlier referred before to those voices I heard telling me I will be rich. Back then I didn't know why or how it would happen.  But now I think I have a better guess of how maybe if I invest well enough.



So, for the past week, I felt like giving up on this blog ---- but I felt an urge to update you guys.


I guess this post just reaffirms the whole point of my initial venture::: to make money. Voices say it will happen, but my life was so messed up, I apparently can't even be paid for my book. So there you go.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Oddity -- A Forge TV Mystery

I might have just found a clue of something.

For a while, when Cortex was still active, you could log in to the store and they'd have a free game download available --- a free entitlement.

Nothing has happened on Cortex for a while---- according to what the internet tells me, in my face,

But today I logged into Cortex on my Forge.

I looked around, nothing had changed, it was stagnant.

I played some games (my own games actually) --- and I actually still have fun playing my own games on this system.

But something unexpected happened.

I checked my email on my phone. New Email.

It was from the Razer Game Store. They said I purchased a game.

????



Luckily, my card won't be charged, $0.00 entitlement.

But here's the thing::::

There is no such game on Cortex on Forge.

I checked again --- there was no such game.

I obviously don't see everything that I should.


Either this is some kind of easter egg ----- or some kind of computer hack has been set up for me to make me think I'm not making any money and that all my work is dead.


Either there is more going on than my system tells me there is ------- or this is just some kind of easter egg.


How did I get an entitlement for a game that doesn't exist?


What is going on here?


What is my computer or my internet hiding from me?


Who is going to such lengths to make me think it's all over?


Yeah --- this is a mystery.  It was a surprise, a nice surprise --- as if there is something more going on.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Z-Rank Not Updated For Quite a While

Earlier this evening I was looking at the latest releases on OUYA.tv.

Moonlight Game Streaming I think received the latest update, about a month or a two ago.

Later, moments ago, I looked at Razer Cortex Games --- the Z-Rank ---

And I found that the release date of Moonlight Game Streaming is many months older than the release date listed on OUYA.tv.

I know it been a while since there were any major changes in the genre rankings in the Cortex Store on Forge TV.

My game, Coconuts Versus Bananas, is STILL think ranked #7 in one of its genres, although who knows why because I only ever see maybe one or two reported sales (although for some reason there were many more unpaid downloads *shrugs*).

I do actually still have reported downloads in my OUYA Dev Portal --- I looked at my portal this evening, and just within hours ago there had been a download of Blaine Bananatree.




So::: though the downloads show the system is still active ----- on my end I do not see action in the O-Rank or Z-Rank or Genre Rankings --- I haven't seen such for a long time.



And no reported sales for quite a long time either.



But the truth is, I have some level of ESP or Psychic ability --- I really do --- sometimes it's more accurate than other times ---- but it does exist -------

So with my ESP, I feel at ease, because I sense an idea that I will eventually, maybe sooner than later, make my money and be able to buy a house.

It's been this way for a while ----- just this apparent series of thoughts or feelings telling me my riches are coming.

I'm right enough of the time that I suspect this is true. But I also know such things could or should be taken with a grain of salt.


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I'm going to note a prominent thought I had about my family and church experience in my life::::

A few nights ago I told my Dad about something my priests' quorum learned in church, and the teaching was taken from "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W Kimball.

My Dad then told me that he had never heard that teaching before --- and he, in fact, did not consider that book to be doctrinal.

So I'm just scratching my head about that ---- Kimball was an Apostle, even became the Top Banana, and yet his authoritative word on forgiveness is just dismissed as "not doctrinal".

So, if he wasn't doctrinal --- then what is the doctrine? The fully scripture-standardized bible dictionary doesn't even have a definition of the words "forgive" or "forgiveness".

The church will constantly quote D&C 64 where you are required to forgive all men ---- and considering how this forgiveness thing is something you are always doing, somehow the church can never quite explain what that word actually MEANS ---- especially when THE BOOK on the topic by an Apostle Prophet is dismissed as "not doctrinal".

I think my Dad was basically just trying to say that only the Bible is doctrinal --- what Jesus said. That even D&C 64 can be ignored.

But that's how frustrating it was --- to be taught something in the church, and when it came down to brass tax, what I learned in church wasn't even "doctrinal". Huh.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Thank Goodness for Anti-Psychotics

A pattern developed in my life, where on the Saturday directly before my Wednesday Injection (every 3 weeks) I would start feeling very good, or very happy, a mania of sorts.

I now have 3mg Paliperidone XR tablets to deal with that.

Before the last injection, it was a depression instead of a mania.



So::: what about this time?


Last Saturday I felt just fine. No need to take a tablet.  Sunday I felt fine --- no need for a tablet.


But Monday Morning --- woah ----- it wasn't a depression or a mania ------- I just suddenly started feeling insecure, not calm and confident --- but insecure, like the paranoia maybe of paranoid schizophrenia.


Just a few moments ago I realized I could take a tablet. So I did. And now I feel better.


Thank goodness for Paliperidone.


I was originally diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia ---- but one of the suspected initial diagnosis was bipolar -------- so it's quite possible that I'm actually just a combination of schizophrenic with bipolar::::: in my understanding that's called Schizoaffective Disorder.


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I bought some gift-wrap boxes for some gifts. I have bagged gifts already wrapped. I just didn't feel like wrapping paper this season ----- some gifts might be handed out plain with no decoration actually.


But, I am excited about the coming holiday ----- I already feel good to hand out the gifts I'm planning to give.


And in about two weeks I'm going to make my final payment for my dental implant. Then I'll get the new tooth in January --- which will be so much fun.  Bills aren't going to be a problem in that regard. --and I will be able to chew "normally" again!


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I'm not a psychologist ----- but I suspect that me just telling good and happy stories might actually cause some people to feel depressed while talking about problems like difficulties with Mormonism might actually serve to psychologically comfort people burdened with the Mormon experiences.


That's just my guess. I want to do and say good and happy things, but I have some suspicion such might bring some people down, while talking about problems might help someone feel better.


Different people react differently to different kinds of information I guess. And I'm not a psychologist, so maybe I'm wrong ---- but this is my hypothesis about how some people will react to good versus bad stories.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Tax Free Apparently

Where I live, here in Alberta, the only sales tax we pay is a 5% Federal Goods and Services Tax.

What I'm about to say sounds too good to be true, except it is true, and I've noticed it twice now.

I just came home from a bit of shopping --- I bought another Christmas Gift.

And the store I bought the gift from didn't charge me GST --- in fact, they removed the 5% GST plus an additional 5% from the price of the item I bought. Saved me $0.80 --- which is actually pretty decent savings, when you consider that if I had been honestly paid for my ebooks, one royalty might be worth $0.35.

There was another time I bought something else from the same store, and there also I noticed the taxes had been removed from the total. Even then that thought blew my mind.



Considering all the visits this website receives, and how little I've ever been paid for any of my work ----- I begin to wonder if I receive compensation for my efforts though little discounts like this. It just becomes a suspicion.



I was trying to think of something to write about, but nothing really seemed worthwhile ---- until I saw my tax savings + 5% more off.  It's odd. And a happy thought.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Physical Activity

I've got some good news for this blog post.

For quite a while, the only place I would go for "the complete walk" with the rest of my family was the zoo --- probably because the zoo is an interesting and fun place to be ---- just looking at foreign (or domestic) animals can be fun.

But, when my family would walk anywhere or almost anywhere else ---- well, I'd have a difficult time either mentally or physically keeping up. This includes the park, the mall, in the neighborhood ----- I was kind of out of shape I guess you could say.


Good news::: today I went with my family to the park, and I walked the whole distance and kept pace. To me, this is awesome.



In other news:::

My bank has sent me a letter.

They are offering me a mortgage (or maybe just advertising their mortgage services).

If my bank is personalizing their contacts with me based on my actual situation, then they must know something extra about my situation that I'm not "fully" aware of.

Either my bank keeps no track of my accounts and who I am ---- or they keep such good track that they know something I don't.

I have less than $200CAD in my chequing account right now. Does it look like I can afford a mortgage?




It does help me sort of feel better that the bank would seem to offer me such a thing ----- but I already know, even with things in my life the bank might not be fully aware of, that I can't really afford a mortgage right now.




Of course, one of my end goals is to buy myself a place to live for me ------ but I am more inclined to do it from being a really good investor more likely than getting a mortgage.





What do my delirious telepathy thoughts tell me? I know that schizophrenia happens when the information your brain gives you isn't very good information, so I try to take all telepathy with a grain of salt until actual physical evidence is presented that suggests the thoughts are true ----


But if my telepathy from the past few days is right, then I see myself in the minds of others as others perceiving me to be at least a bit wealthy (which I might be) while always having an idea or hope that maybe someday, even maybe sooner than later, I might get some kind of payment from my sales.


That is all very vague information --- but I don't want to be too detailed about what my mind tells me when I don't see physical evidence of what it says. The problem I had a long time ago was that my brain was having a hard time being right, correct or accurate with information.



Basically::::

1) I exercised enough to feel good today.

2) If the bank sends me anything personalized to my situation ---- then maybe they know more about my situation than I do.

3) If my long-shot investment goals come true, then the bank knew.

4) If telepathy is truthfully telling me I could get paid, then the bank knew.


And the above four points sum up this blog post.





ADDITIONAL:::::::::


OK --- one more bit of information about any chance or possibility of me ever maybe making money ---- although this information may also be way out in left field -----

A few days ago my father picked up on a phone call::::: The caller said something about sending us a cheque and maybe something about something we should do, and my Dad wasn't interested so the call ended quickly.

Calls like that are usually perceived to be very scam-like.

I looked up the number online, and the information said it was a "Jamaica" number ---- and that this number is considered "very dangerous".


Why on earth would someone in JAMAICA talk about SENDING US A CHEQUE????????


Like there are possibilities about how this COULD MAYBE be somehow real ------


but not in my Dad's mind. End of phone call.





So:: getting a phone call from Jamaica offering to send a cheque technically often doesn't seem like a very legitimate thing to happen -----


except I really wonder about it.



And don't even get me started on what my brother might think about such a phone call ---- I'll keep that much private.



So I'm not sure about a whole lot sometimes ----- but what looked very scammy to my Dad makes me wonder if there's a chance. Of course, the phone number was considered dangerous, so maybe I'm just delusional.


Who knows.

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Instant Karma?

I've been trying to think of something good - or anything decent - to say on this blog for a bit of a while --- so now I think I've got something interesting.


When I was in elementary school, I think it was the assistant principal who taught this concept that doing good to others would help you feel good inside, as a result --- kind of karma-like. The same concept was even brought up in High School by a motivational speaker I believe.

The elementary assistant principal also taught that trying to tear other people down also only tears yourself down.


I think he was teaching some good principles - not only is it an attempt to help school children do good and behave themselves, but I think what he was teaching was even, more or less, true.


I have two stories to share about this sort of instant-feel-good-karma.


A while ago I decided to donate some bitcoin to a charity.  As soon as I sent the BTC --- I immediately felt my heart or my bosom warm up, like I was receiving instant karma that helped me feel good.


And today, I was looking for a Christmas gift in a little bit of online shopping ---- but I have largely run out of regular currency to spend on such things, so I decided to buy a gift with bitcoin.  After having paid for the gift, I did start to feel better ----- but then just a little while later, who knows how, out in the cool outdoor air ------ I suddenly smelt a very good smell, like a scented candle kind of ----- and the sensation of smelling this only lasted for a moment.  But it was an interesting experience nonetheless.


So:::: How is it that I get such remarkable instant karma after sending bitcoin elsewhere?  My guess is that bitcoin is deflationary --- so the BTC I sent to the charity or the store will someday be worth a whole lot more than it is now ---- and that is a VERY good deed to perform, maybe, maybe cosmically considered a very generous payment or donation.


Just my thoughts.


As for hallucinating a nice smell that shouldn't be there ---- this has happened once or at least once before to me.  The memory of this happening before was when I was sitting alone in my bedroom, praying to God and asking if I'll go to heaven ------ I immediately started to smell some kind of good smelling perfume --- which lasted only a little while, and I shouldn't have been smelling it, so it must've been like a hallucination.

Yes, I told my psychiatrist about that hallucination. But it might be based in a mystical reality.




The only other kind of story to mention which I didn't mention before because this story isn't really blog-worthy, but I'll mention it now because I felt like telling someone ---

is that shopping for Christmas gifts has been really fun and exciting for me so far (considering yesterday was Black Friday) and I am very excited to hand out the goodies come December 24th or 25th.

Yesterday after my Black Friday shopping spree I thought I could feel myself being like Santa Claus --- and really I just felt so good about that too.

Another reason the above 3 paragraphs didn't make it into its own blog post::: because from experience I know that if someone who is less-well-off sees me having such a good time, it might be a little depressing for them. So, yeah, give gifts to those who have-not, to try to cheer up their end of year. I ended up spending about 1/3rd of my Christmas budget with Plan Canada --- for the Christmas goodies they plan on giving impoverished children this year.

And I think that's all I have to say.