Thursday, April 18, 2019

More or less fixed.

As a beginning note::::

This time, with my Dad and I think my brother as witnesses, I again got the reassurance from my Mom that she refuses to ask God for help making money.

So::: It doesn't matter if I'm asking for a million dollars or just a few thousand dollars::: My Mom absolutely refuses to pray for such things.

She has some kind of religious reasoning based on her Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to explain why ---- except as she was talking about her religious belief on the issue it still didn't exactly actually explain why anyway ----- all she said is something about paying tithing and getting all her great blessings from that -------- apparently paying tithing is the only way to ask for blessings or something, I don't know, she never really explained it.

Basically, it must've been something about how paying tithing gives her great blessings and she won't even bother trying to ask for more ---- something like that.

So yeah::: now my Dad and probably my brother have witnessed her talking about this too.

The thing is::::

As we know, my Mom refuses to ask God for money.

I grew up being very poor.

Growing up was actually a miserable experience.


If I had wanted to serve a mission, I would need money to serve the mission.

But my Mom seriously just refuses to ask God for money.

Seeing as how I was very poor, I couldn't serve a mission if I wanted to. By not asking God for help, we aren't getting anywhere:::


I've had several products up for sale for years -------- and never really made money.

I have all the opportunity to make money, but my Mom seriously just can't ask God for help.

There is absolutely ZERO POINT in even trying to work if you seriously just can't be bothered to even ask God for help.

So:::: There are ways to be become happy and well off. I just happen to be born into a family where the Mother has some messed up religious beliefs that seem to tell her she's not allowed to ask God for help.

And finally, I will also note:::::::

I pray for more than just myself to make money. I pray for my other family members AND MY INLAWS to make money.


Today my Sister and her husband received a lump sum payment that allows them to completely wipe out all their debts.

It is entirely worthwhile to ask God for help, and I'm 100% sure asking God does help and has brilliant results ---------

But my Mom just can't seem to accept that asking God for help is the way to go. She said something about paying her tithing being all she really needs to get all her great blessings.


As for my guitar::::

A replacement tuning machine arrived today.

It is functionally excellent, and cosmetically it will have to do.

It's almost the same as the original tuning machine, except it's not broken and the tuning key itself is slightly different. But it works.

So I'm happy.

Having taken the old tuning machine of the guitar, I showed it to my Dad.

There are two ways to fix the broken tuning machine itself that we can see are potential options::

1) Unscrew the stripped Cog, turn it upside down, and screw it back in again. This is a potential fix, though we haven't tried yet.

2) Look for a new replacement Cog of the same type when shopping. This might be like searching for a needle in a haystack, but it might be doable.

Maybe:::: Maybe I could try taking apart the other tuning machine I received today and take the Cog out of that if it's the right kind---- this MIGHT work ------- but the issue here is the used replacement machines are slightly different and are more solid so they're harder to take apart I think.

So::: The guitar works, more or less, and I'm happy with that. This is a pretty amiable result, even if I probably voided my warranty.

The guitar does actually seem very, very new, except for the slight damage I found which might have been my own fault.

So::: what did the store mean when they called it "vintage"?

It seems so new, though slightly broken.

It's a very nice guitar ----- either new or mostly well taken care of ---------

Is it actually some kind of vintage old guitar that one can only expect might be broken,

or was "vintage" just a word in the name of the guitar and it's actually new and it's my own fault something's wrong?

it's so hard to know.

Just interesting that it wasn't a corner tuner that was broken, and that there was only one broken tuner.

Might've been my own fault ---- but also might not have been.

Big mystery.

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

A Symptom of my Psyche

So:::: One of the big supposed symptoms of schizophrenia is noticing connections, or coincidences, or secret messages that are supposedly not there or not real.

For example::: the personal connection of what I feel is my relationship with Avril Lavigne was considered to be a likely symptom of schizophrenia.

She was basically singing about me, and I knew this because I knew my own life and how well it resembled her song ---- but nobody else noticed or cared or realized it.

This happened quite a bit for me.

And it happened again this evening.

I think one of the rules of my blog service provider is that I'm not allowed to just copy and repeat news stories from other sources.

But I will say that there was an item of information in the news on tv today that got me really thinking about myself.

The elements of the item of information were this::::

A trip to a British island.

A person whose name had some resemblance to my own name.

And another person's name which had a resemblance to a recent set of events in my life --- which I will explain.

So:::: Seeing this item of information on the news made me a bit hysterical or whatever for a little while ---- and of course my Mom was basically just telling me it's just a coincidence and its meaningless.


Here's what it means to me::::

I think the British Island being involved might simply be a reference to the fact that there's someone on Youtube I like watching from one of the smaller islands::: The Isle of Wight. It's just an interesting thing about me::: this person's videos help me fall asleep at night.

Of course, the item of information that resembled my own name is important as it's basically the identifier for ME.

The other name mentioned::: however::: I won't say exactly what the name was, but I'll say:::::

It was basically like a two-pronged reference to two currently occurring things in my life at the same time. Two birds with one stone if you will.

Like I said in a past post::: I received the guitar I ordered:::: and somehow the B String wasn't working ---- the B-String-Tuning-Machine was busted.

The other prong is that my sister got into Bee Keeping a while back, currently, she is in the process of getting a new Beehive.

So:::: No b-string ----- what about "no bee sting"? It's kind of a similar funny play on words.

There's also another element to this thought:::: No bees ------ No be es. Yeah. Religion can seemingly get highly corrupted with BS ----- so no b string, no bee sting, no bees, no be es.

Yes ----- it's just a big play on words going on in my mind, and it's all inspired by the elements of information in something I saw on the news --- which I can't itself talk about because I'm not supposed to copy and repeat other news sources if I remember the rules correctly.

My own personal news story here is that I'm having one of those schizophrenic moments again, where it's highly coincidental and even seems meaningful ------------ yeah.

Also::: if playing my new guitar is like playing a Bass Guitar without the B String ----- then there's also the element of how it's either an "ass" guitar, or it's an "ace" guitar ----- perhaps a reference to how I aced my Grade 9 Math Provincial Final exam or something. Who knows ---- at school I was considered an ace student for quite a while, I was one of the best.

I will now write a bit about how I might or might not blame myself for my new broken guitar:::::

How might I blame myself for the problem with my guitar????

I had just received a new guitar, I tried attaching my guitar strap to the new guitar, I guess it wasn't fastened entirely properly and I guess I did something wrong, there was a disconnect, and the guitar fell and hit the floor.

That's my confession. Combined with clumsy handling, I may also have just not properly fasted the guitar strap.

That's how I MIGHT blame myself -------

but there is a problem with this explanation.

The fact that it was the B-STRING-TUNING-MACHINE that got broken ---- and NOT any of the other tuning machines.

There's a logical problem here. I have to play detective I think, because really:::::

The B-String tuning machine is the tuning machine that sits on the right side of the guitar (facing the guitar standing up) and it's IN THE MIDDLE of the two other machines on that side of the guitar.

LIke, if me dropping my guitar damaged the MIDDLE tuning machine rather than a tuning machine ON THE CORNER ------ Something doesn't totally make sense here.

It doesn't seem likely, it doesn't seem logical, that the tuning machine that should not have hit the ground first was the one on that got damaged.

I mean, really, depending on how the guitar hit the floor ---- You'd really have to think that it would be a CORNER machine, either top corner or bottom corner --- that would have taken the damage -------

But somehow, by some unknown cause ------- the one in THE MIDDLE took the damage and the two corners are perfectly fine.

It just doesn't make sense. If me dropping my guitar just once from a mistake broke that tuning machine ---- why isn't one of the corners broken????

It's just REALLY UNLIKELY that my simple falling spell broke the middle machine without harming one of the corners.

It's just REALLY REALLY unlikely. It doesn't make sense.

If I had damaged this guitar by carelessly dropping it to the ground ------ the most likely damage would have been to a CORNER tuning machine.

Except it's the B Machine that's damaged. and the B Machine IS NOT on the corner.

It just doesn't fully ad up.

There is some possibility may be that some force of inertia might have jostled the B machine, and then when I tried to tune it then stripped and broke.  That's my other best thought about this.

Anyway, the point of this second part of this post is mostly just to say that if I did break my own guitar, my explanation is that I just didn't secure the strap properly and I handled my guitar a little stupidly.

An easy beginner's mistake.

I can feel dumb about it -------- but what makes me feel happy is that I was smart enough to buy the cheap guitar instead of a more expensive guitar -------

So that means breaking the guitar feels less bad, and if I do decide to repair it myself, I already have every idea that the new guitar plus repairs is still cheaper than the more expensive guitar would have been.

I basically saved myself some grief by buying the cheaper guitar ----- I'd feel worse if I had bought a more expensive guitar and broken that ------- I can feel better about breaking a cheaper guitar rather than the expensive one.

Every cloud has a silver lining, they say.


I guess I might as well finally mention this, like I mentioned this on Facebook already:::

When I was shopping for replacement Tuning Machines, the "same model" tuning machines were referred to as "vintage".

I looked at the website's webpage for this guitar I bought::: Yes ---- this guitar is referred to as a "vintage" guitar.

There are two sorts of related camps on the internet about what a "vintage guitar" is.

One camp believes that the guitar comes from a High-Quality time of production. ----- this would be true about this guitar, it definitely does seem like a high-quality instrument.

The other camp believes that the guitar is probably an OLD guitar. And actually ---- considering the little imperfection such as the broken B-Tuner ------ this might very well be the case.

So it might just be that I bought an old, high-quality guitar that was sold for cheaper because it was expected it might have a problem. That makes sense.

But yeah ----- "vintage" does typically mean that it's higher quality (which is true in my case) and that it comes from an earlier date in history ------ which is also very likely true considering the broken part.

Because the broken part is a middle tuning machine and not on the corner, I feel pretty confident that this guitar arrived already-broken rather than me accidentally busting it myself.

If I had busted it myself, I would expect it would have been a corner that would have gotten broken. No broken corners.

It must just be an old guitar that arrived this way, I'm guessing. Now I don't feel so bad.

Last Night

So::: The election results are in.

I'm not really disappointed, I had every idea and expectation the province would go this way. I didn't even try to pray for anything different ---- there are times when you just have to give people, or the people, what they want.

But what I was praying about last night is a bit more of an extension of my latest blog post.

In my last blog post, I mentioned some rules the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints had in my life, and how wrong those rules were,

but for a big element of the story in my life is this:

I wasn't perfect, so I prayed to God when I was young for the forgiveness of my sins and the granting of my exaltation ---- and I dealt with Him for this to happen by offering my whole life of servitude:::

Forgive my sins and grant my exaltation in exchange for a lifetime of service.

Interesting thing:::: The church did not want to forgive my sins, the church did not want to grant my exaltation, and the church did not want my lifetime of servitude.

So I'm wondering how this church has "the gospel", what "the gospel" really is, why it is a "gospel" ---- and why the church goes around doing all that missionary work if they wouldn't just forgive me of my little sins and allow me to serve Jesus.

I offered my whole life, and they still rejected me anyway.

yeah --- something isn't making sense about this church.

In almost every discussion I have on the church now, often the logical conclusion that can be drawn is that the church just is NOT actually true.

So:::: I prayed to God about this last night.

I'm not even going to tell what God said to me::::: In the past when I've tried explaining what God says, someone will just end up disagreeing. I mean, God says what he says, but sometimes The Church feels that what God says is actually something they'd like more license with.

So::: there is very little point trying to discuss what God said since someone is bound to disagree ----- especially in a church where they like to say the Bible is wrong.

Monday, April 15, 2019

Mental Clarity

For a long time, I've been accused of being totally crazy or insane or whatever.

I look at it this way:::: I was the smartest kid in school for a very long time, so maybe I have a normal brain but was raised in a false belief system and many years of abuse took their toll on my psyche.

Am I insane? Or am I normal and healthy and just having side effects from all the wrong things people have done to me?

Anyway ------ I feel I've been having a moment of clarity for the past while.

The LDS Church told me I'd witness and perform miracles.

And then they forced me on psychiatric medication because I believed in miracles.

Obviously, something is very wrong here.

Let's look at some of the LDS Church rules or beliefs as I experienced them in my life, and see if they make any sense:::

1) You aren't allowed to be friends with your friends.
-Not only is this technically illegal it's also very unkind.
-No points for the church here.

2) Masturbation is forbidden.
-The church had me as unforgiven for 8 years because of this "sin".
-The church NEVER forgave my brother for this sin.
-Is this really realistic? Especially when the church hasn't provided anyone to have sex with?
-Looks like a pointless, senseless rule
-No points for the church here.

3) The church has a history of racism.
-Anyone with a brain should be able to tell that this church is completely unreasonable when it teaches some of the things it used to teach.
-No points for the church here.

4) Rock and Roll is forbidden. Among many different musics which are forbidden.
-This also seems unreasonable to me.
-Do I need to explain how dumb this is?
-No points for the church here.

5) Everything always has to be forgiven.
-I can easily demonstrate how wrong this teaching is.
-This teaching is really just abuse.
-No points for the church here.

Anyway ------ Simple fact is, I can easily think of 5 rules the church had that make very little sense.

I was raised in this church. And I was pretty much abused all along the way.

In that sense, I turned out insane for a while.

But my mind feels healthier now, and I can't help but feel that I was just a normal and healthy individual who was exposed to too much garbage and that had side effects.

The unfortunate thing is that though the church clearly can't really be true for so many different reasons (more than I've listed here) ----------

Yeah, some members of my family still follow that belief system and still haven't figured out how wrong it is. This is disappointing, but what am I supposed to do about it?

On the radio, I heard them say it's considered ABUSE to tell a woman the actual truth about her religion. This makes it very difficult to educate my Mom and Sisters.

Anyway. Yeah --- Miracles are real and God is real as far as I'm concerned ---- but The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was way out in left field. It wasn't exactly right in any way shape or form.

So, I'm thankful for my moment of mental clarity. I wish my family would figure this stuff out.

Saturday, April 13, 2019

I feel stupid

I looked at the Lifetime Limited Warranty for Epiphone Guitars online -----

By fixing this problem myself, I'll be voiding my warranty.

Although, I also feel it might be wrong to fix it at Epiphone's expense since there is a possibility that the damage might have been caused by myself making a mistake.

I just feel so stupid about this ----- Gorgeous brand new guitar and ------ one slip and now it needs a little fixing.

Fixing it myself voids the warranty, while it's not necessarily moral to make Epiphone fix it since they might have nothing to do with what went wrong.

There is a local repair shop I might be able to go to get it fixed ----- but if I have to wait oh so long before this is whole again ---- well, I'm trying to be patient, but it's hard.

Before I can even take it to the repair shop I'll have to get a bag to carry it in first. I might also want to have some money available to pay for repairs if necessary.

That's only IF I fix it at a repair shop.

There's a high probability that I can just fix it myself --- but again, I must wait, and then void my warranty.

I just feel so stupid.

And I have to admit:::::  The damage may very well be my own fault. I may have been a bit negligent.

The only thing about blaming myself for the break is that it didn't take a whole lot to cause this problem. I had it for pretty much less than 20 minutes and was only tuning it for the first time when I found the B String wouldn't tune properly.

It might be my own fault, but who knows.

My options aren't very good, and they all involve waiting at least for days or weeks.

I feel so stupid now.

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Is this poor karma?

Well, either my family has some bad karma or else we must've been cursed somehow --- although I'm feeling better now.

My new guitar says it is guaranteed against defects in materials and workmanship.

It is definitely a very fine instrument ---- it is absolutely gorgeous.

So why is the B-string-tuning mechanism stripped and therefore not fully functional?

I had it shipped to me from a different province ---- did it get damaged on the journey? Or did I make a mistake in handling it? (which means the materials are actually kind of poor if my 10 seconds of wear and tear had that kind of effect).

Whatever it is:::: I can feel like we must've been cursed or maybe we have bad karma, because::::

My Dad's problems are a little bit worse than mine right now. It's not a huge, huge problem,

but one of his hobby took a bad turn, and he also had another recent difficulty.

To be honest, these really aren't big problems,

But seeing as how my new guitar, his hobby, and his other problem ----- yeah, things aren't quite going our way right now.

Not huge problems, but there's enough of them that I have to wonder how the metaphysical laws are applying to us.

But, the problems aren't THAT Big, so we're still pretty good ----- I should be able to obtain a replacement tuning mechanism. And today I bought something that was on sale that I didn't know it was on sale so that was a pleasant surprise.

My new guitar definitely has a "deeper" or "richer" sound than my original Maestro acoustic ----- so without the B-String this must be comparable to playing an Acoustic Bass guitar.

Yeah - I actually removed the B-String, I didn't want to have that string in the way if it wasn't going to sound right.

I am all eager to have fun with my guitar ------ but at the same time I just have to patiently wait to see about a new mechanism. In that way, this is kind of torturous.

So, there are three possibilities:::

1) On Youtube, they reported that Gibson (owner of Epiphone, I believe) has had quality control issues. I'm pretty sure that's what they were saying on Youtube.

2) Maybe something happened during delivery.

3) And this is kind of pathetic if my 10 seconds of wear and tear damaged the B-mechanism that much.

I just feel so much like I want to play this, but it feels so incomplete. I just have to be patient. So eager for my new toy but so much waiting to do at the same time. It's just not right.

I'm going to need a new carrying case for this guitar (assuming I can fix it) ----- it does not fit in the Maestro's gig bag. It seems a bit too long/tall.

The interesting thing is that though there was been this much gone wrong in just a short period of time ----- I am actually feeling quite good.

I feel clean about it.

I'll just say that I might kind of feel my family might even deserve its misfortune ----- I have a personal viewpoint where I don't really actually approve of my own family a whole lot.

Of course, I get along with them, and I am kind, and I live peacefully with them --------

But I think there's enough wrong with my family that I don't actually feel bad when bad things happen to us. I feel we kind of deserve it.

I want to live my life as happily as possible ------- but I can't control my family, and I find I don't approve of some of their choices.

I think I am as far away from "racist" as one might be ----- I have more problems with my own group than any other group, whilst I donate to people in other countries all the time. So, therefore I cannot be considered racist, I don't think. I am actually quite humble about the situation in my own group of people.

Finally 100% Diagnosed the Problem

So I figured the problem with my B String must've been the string itself, and then I determined it was actually a washer -----

but then I tested a different washer from another part of the guitar and nothing changed ---- the washer wasn't the problem --------

So I took the tuning mechanism off the guitar completely and had a look inside.

The gears inside the tuning mechanism were stripped pretty bad in one area ----- so when I put it back together, I found that it kept slipping the pitch of the string at the same location over again.

I am going to need a new tuning mechanism.

I'm not yet sure about finding one online. So I wonder if a local repair shop might be able to help.

To be clear::: with the songs that I can play without the B String ----- this guitar is absolutely beautiful. I love it. It's wonderful.

It's just a matter of finding a new tuning mechanism now, whether the repair shop installs it or I do it myself.