Sunday, October 21, 2018

Is this a reason for my eye-issues?

This doesn't seem like a plausible reason for why my left eye would be partially blinded and the sight would suddenly be OK again in the ophthalmologist's office, but it's something I'm noticing so I'm going to print it here.

I was just looking at my ID Card. For .a long time during my life I had always thought my eyes were Green.

But, upon doing closer research on eye colors on the internet, and then closely examining my eyes ----- I realized my eyes might actually be HAZEL.

Which means I was inaccurate when I told the government about my eyes. Oops.

But:::: here's the thing::::::

Even if this doesn't seem believable --- it's what I see as true, it's my truth, and it should be accepted with faith, although maybe you'd do that with a grain of salt-------

I was just looking at my eyes in the bathroom mirror a little moment ago.

My right eye was greenish-brown.

My left eye was greenish-blue.

This is not normal.

That's how I'll describe the coloring.

Thing is::: it was very clear that my two eyes were not the same color as each other anymore.

I tried to take close-up selfies with my iPhone --- unfortunately, the lighting isn't very good at this time in the morning, and my left eye is always in the shady position--- it can't be clearly seen (in the pictures).

SO:::::: yeah, who knows whatever scientific explanation there might be-------

but in The Book of Finch I describe two different "magical" parts of my appearance which I believe were real but people are inclined to call me crazy -----

1) My hair magically changed color at a special church event.  The first person to notice it was a friend of mine, but when I went home and looked in the mirror, I was able to verify my hair, without any dies or bleaches --- had changed color.

2) Years later  I would be looking at my eyes in the mirror, and magically they just seemed to be changing color.

So:::: I know people tell me I'm crazy, and so much seems unbelievable------

but, today I was looking at my eyes in the mirror and they were basically two different colors or two different kinds of hazel.  Greenish-blue and Greenish-brown. I could definitely see the difference.

SO:::: I wonder if this has anything to do with how I lost some sight in my left eye, but then it came back when re-inspected.

UPDATE October 22nd 2018 10:16AM:::::::

I checked my eyes again ---- they're the same color now, no blue to be seen.

It's either something "magical" ------ or it might just be something to do with the lighting in my bathroom early in the morning when it's still dark out.

What else could explain what I thought I saw?

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Wondering about Alex

I had a friend growing up. He was a good friend. We spent a lot of time together.

When I became mentally ill, he was over at my house, and I decided to kick him out. No --- it wasn't very kind, and I'm sure he may have been very offended over it.

The truth about why I kicked him out of my house::: I didn't really want to end the friendship, though that's the way he took it ----- I was just so completely horny at that time that I needed him to leave so I safely relieve myself.

I wonder about him.

Years later, I tried befriending him on Facebook --- but I think he rejected me, maybe he was still offended.

So:::: Alex, if you are out there, I wonder how you are doing, and I'm sorry I was too horny to have you over at my house that day and apparently anymore.

Alex, what my years could have been if we had stayed good friends. Although --- I also, along with the supposed mental illness, had a sudden change of ideological loyalties --- so maybe that would have been a problem for us.

Anyway. I remember what it was like when I got him to leave the house.

I'm not going to describe it ----- but I do have an excuse to say that I tried to save his soul but he just rejected The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints' gospel.

Simple fact::: I was becoming very religious church-wise, and Alex didn't accept those views.

Maybe that's why he stopped being my super close friend.

Anyway, I've since learned that the church was in so many ways a mess.

And I wonder how Alex has been doing.

I don't usually try to refer to people by their real names --- especially because before I wrote The Book of Finch my Doctor and Father made it clear to me that I have to keep identities hidden ------

But Alex was a real name of a real person. He was my good friend, it's no secret he and I were friends.

I was just too horny, and I was mentally ill, and we became ideologically incompatible.

I wonder how he's doing. He already rejected me on Facebook I think, so I don't know where to find him anymore.

Anyway. A blog post about it should be enough for now.

So Alex:: how's it been going?

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Wikipedia Sent me an email yesterday

I'll start this post by pointing out the new featured post. The new featured post points out a new article on this blog. It felt important to me to release that information, as I see it from my perspective.

Yesterday Wikipedia sent me an email.

They said it was an awkward subject.

They said that I am one of the fewer than 1% of Wikipedia users who actually donates to the website.

They said that most people just cannot afford to donate anything to them.

OK ---- from my perspective and from the perspective of people around me:::: I make about ~19k per year with disability, my household has 4 members and something like 3 incomes. We have only one family vehicle, however, so that might give us some savings.

From the perspective of Wikipedia however, I'm basically being told that I'm something like being in the 1%.

There's the reality that I and my family sees, which is either middle class or very-low upper class.

And there's Wikipedia telling me that I'm in the 1% of people who actually give them money. And it's awkward to them ----- probably because I don't seem super rich and that just makes it weird that more people "at my level" or above aren't also donating.

Growing up in Mormonism, and following Jesus' example ---- there is nothing wrong with "living below your station".

Part of my issue, as I said in my new featured post, is that people don't believe the things I might have done in my years of being online.

So, it's just interesting ----- my household net worth as the people around me see me is probably still lower than 1 million CAD ------

And it's just awkward to Wikipedia that this somehow puts me in "the 1%" --- of people who actually donate.

So, there you go.

If I made any money in my life --- I have no idea how much, so I don't know if I'd actually be put in the top 1% income bracket.

People tend not to believe it ----- but from my perspective, it's entirely possible that I've had influence.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Pointing Out My Latest Article (Right hand side menu)

So::: I wrote a new article for this blog that can be found in the right hand side menu of this blog --- "An Apology for those who wanted to do business with me" or something like that --- the article can be found near the bottom of the list above my Apology for Radioclash.

I was just watching Coach Red Pill on Youtube discuss a topic ---- but in his topic, he said that in order to get your writing noticed by a producer in Hollywood you need an agent of some sort.

What what? So--- what is my connection to The Number 23 then?

Well, my memory is sketchy ---- but do note that my version of the Number 23 story took place on Avril Lavigne's official fan club ------- so obviously I was already being viewed by entertainment industry types.

To be honest, I could want to travel and preach to the nations for the church, or I could want to make millions of dollars creating entertainment --- but as my article mentions::: I am considered mentally ill.

Even though I was considered one of the smartest kids in school and even though the patriarch of the church seemed to destine me for greater things------ the simple fact remains that I am viewed as being a grandiosely delusional man.

I got an email that offered me a LOT of money ----- no one believed it. That makes it difficult for me.

I was supposed to be a traveling preacher as a young man ---- the church even said so ------ but such is not viewed as realistic by the people around me. Heck ----- even getting support by being paid for my work is hard.

So yeah. I'm just pointing out the new article for why it's hard to do business with me, and especially point out that if I were involved in any multi-million dollar deals that people around me wouldn't likely believe it ---- just delusions of grandeur to them.

I might've mentioned this before, but it seems relevant to say again now::: I asked my Mom within the past year or two if she'd pray for me to make my million ----- she REFUSED.

It might just be that my family actually does not support me in doing something so great that the blessings would be huge.

I may have been one of the smartest kids at school (numerous years running) --- but that didn't stop my sister from consistently insulting my intelligence until I've lost my mind about it.

So::: maybe I've had ample opportunity in my life ---- but my own family isn't exactly going for the idea that I'd be super successful ------ so I apologize if I let people down by not being business-savvy enough.

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Latest Big News - Church related

To be honest, the fact that it's birthday time for my nephew and that LDS General Conference was today completely slipped my mind until today ---- when I was faced with the reality of the situation.

Most of the phone calls we get in our house we don't bother to answer --- we screen a lot of phone calls, especially because a lot of calls are basically crap and we actually don't want them.

Last night we got a phone call from a completely different and unusual area code. Not recognizing it at all --- we screened it.

I looked up what information I could find about the number online:::

Someone from likely either PROVO or SALT LAKE CITY in UTAH had tried to contact us.

And then today was General Conference day. Oh.

Know something interesting? My family has been involved with the LDS Church basically since I was born ----- and in all that time no one from UTAH had really ever phoned us. What made yesterday so different?

Another tidbit of information:: My website portal tells me I had a LOT of visitors yesterday. Despite selling practically NO books, an awful lot of people suddenly became interested in me just the day before General Conference.


It's either that everyone is dishonest and wouldn't be bothered to pay me for my work, or something went wrong at my publishers. (which is interesting because just last night Youtube/Google was showing me a documentary about white-collar crime as if that was relevant).


So::: Obviously I'm seen as a big somebody in the LDS Church. But, as I've learned, even the LDS Church is aware that the church screwed up really-really badly in my life and I'm not fully sure I'm really interested anymore.

Just today my Mom brought up the topic of Personal Revelation having something to do with what was discussed in General Conference ----

All I could think of was how my Bishop wanted me to deny my personal revelation and how I was treated, essentially by the church, like I was crazy for having communications from God.

Basically, the church just really really screwed up in my life. All my life they taught me about personal revelation, and the revelation was real ----- but for some reason, local leadership decided to declare my insanity for belief in such things. Yeah. The church REALLY screwed up.

So::: it's been eight years since my nephew was born, and how Jesus Christ appeared on the night of his birth (as is recorded in my book The Book of Finch).

I said to my family "So, it's his birthday and it's been 8 years --- I'm afraid to ask". The response from my Dad was "So don't ask".

Anyway ---- though my nephew is now officially old enough to officially join the church, the past days no one has said a thing about baptizing him or him and the church in any way shape or form.

Yeah. Huh. Normally children who grow up in Mormon households get baptized at age of 8, but no one so far as even mentioned church or baptism in relation to my nephew.

Simple fact:::

Jesus Christ appeared to me at the birth of my nephew.

Simple fact:::

The church mostly rejected my personal testimony of Jesus.

So yeah, it was just interesting that the LDS Church wasn't actually about God Jesus Angels and Miracles when I'm not allowed to have my testimony of such things in church, and also how the church wasn't really a friends or family community either because I wasn't allowed to be friends with my friends ---- so what was the church really all about then? I'm really not sure.

The last thing I can think of to say is this:::

Just today I suddenly realized that I may personally have a thought-based or telepathic connection to Avril Lavigne's latest released single.


So:::: Being immature, and having loved Penguins since grade 2,

as a term of endearment, one of the things I'd think in my mind for the past so many years was "Avril is a penguin who lives in the ocean" ---- I'd basically have imaginary thought poetry sessions in my idle time thinking about Avril somehow being a Penguin. Another variation on this is that I would think of Avril as a "Rabbit-Penguin" ---- in relation to how I was raised with the Mac computer concept of a "Dogcow".

To be honest, I don't really know how much Avril really likes me --- so I've been leaving her alone.

I do know however that most of her fans never really seemed to like me, so I don't bother.

Avril herself was a lot nicer, but still, sometimes the messages seem a little mixed. Who knows.

Anyway. it would have been nice to have actual sales reports and earnings from my work ---- but last night's Youtube documentary shows that there's just a big part of the population which is all too likely to just be dishonest, whether I'm being ripped off at the pirating sites or wherever.

But it doesn't totally matter since I have AiSH ----- and I really have questioned and still question how much I really want to be involved in the church after the disaster I was put through in that organization.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Getting Stressed just by thinking

Yesterday.I posted my ideas of something I could do with the Lottery if I won the big prize (eg, the 60 million dollar prize). I then deleted that post.

According to the odds, it's not likely I'd win the lottery. So why worry about it? I guess I'm just trying to visualize or something.

Anyway, since I deleted that post, one of the thoughts that occurred to me was something about how I'd be completely unlikely to win the lottery every again, so shouldn't I do my best to have fun rather than blow half of it on a charitable idea that I'm not even likely going to be competent at doing?

Just thinking about what I'd do if I had 60 million has stressed me out ---- and I don't even have the money yet. It's like the neurons in my brain are on the verge of having a meltdown if I promise do something like create a trailer park for homeless people if I win.

I figure I would want to help people ---- but that the help I offer should be within my capability range.

A trailer park for homeless people may be way more than I can manage. It's a good idea ---- but thinking about what it would take, maybe I'm not the best candidate.

But I do want to help people -----

So I'd probably just give a nice big donation to a couple or a few charities.

But the lion's share of the winnings I'd use just to live my life, and have my fun.

The main point of this blog post is that I was just getting stressed out just by thinking about what could happen if I had 60 million dollars.

Housing homeless people might be a good idea ----- but I can't say I'd necessarily be competent at the job. Therefore, maybe I'd just donate a bunch to existing charities.

So::: I was trying some visualization of winning, and I only eventually just started feeling stressed out. Huh.

Maybe I'm better off with a smaller prize. :)

Monday, October 1, 2018

Asking God for Information

I've got a pretty interesting story to report today.

In a recent post, I said I would be ordering an NES Mini Classic and a SNES Mini Classic when I got my next payment.

Today is the day those products were to arrive.

I basically just sat in my house and waited for Canada Post to bring the package.

After a number of hours, I just got tired of waiting.

I asked God "God, when will Canada Post arrive?"

The response from God said they would be here in 2 minutes.

2 minutes was a short enough time so I gave God a chance. I even looked at my watch to keep track of time.

So::: what happened?

God was actually right!

It's amazing, but when Canada Post arrived, I looked at my watch again and noticed that it was 2 minutes since I last checked my watch.

So:::: that's psychic power for you. I ask God a question, He gives me an answer, and the answer turned out to be true.

To be honest, I have done this before ---- God has been right before about this type of thing.


So::: My left eye still sees, but I think I will need a new prescription for my glasses. My right eye is fine in this glasses, but my left eye seems a little blurry.

But there is a possibility that I am having a problem with my brain ---- not a schizophrenia problem, some kind of other problem -----

My balance has MOSTLY returned. But, I've noticed when I'm standing in my kitchen that I'm more likely to feel dizzy.

BUT::::: A CLUE:::::: I was standing in the kitchen feeling a little dizzy today, when all of the sudden the dizziness left---- the dizziness was gone but in the same instant that the dizziness was got I started to hear a loud ringing noise in my left ear ---- like Tinnitus.

I'll have to note that to the doctor if/when I get my referral.

So::: I need new glasses, mostly stable now but a little dizzy a bit, and at one point the dizziness was instantly replaced by a ringing noise in my left ear.

The fact that my brain is having an issue does not reflect on the reality that God was able to tell me when my package would arrive.

I've ALWAYS or ALMOST ALWAYS been able to get good information straight from God.

Today was just a really good example of that ---- I heard it was coming in 2 minutes and the voice in my head turned out to be correct.