Saturday, August 27, 2016

Confusion

Well, I just talked to my sister's brother-in-law.

I looked it up on google.

OK --- On google, I found that many places of business throughout numerous towns are using this same name now --- but I don't think it's a franchise, even though the businesses appear to be similar to each other in nature.

My brother in law said he used to always go down that road, and he seemed certain that this business establishment has been there for a long time.

But, bussing to and from school almost every day for a year or two --- I went down that road all the time too for a while ----

Today when we went down that road, I pointed out a clear business establishment located there that's not hard to remember because I remember seeing it so many times (and this, this particular business establishment I know was even mentioned in a song by a local albertan band), and my dad pointed out a business establishment on that road that USED to be there that he remembered....

But I do not remember seeing this "new" business there ever before!

In my mind, I know how I named myself for my moniker - I made the name up myself in my own mind --- and then today I see it as the name of this other business, and to me it just seems so much like they were inspired by me.

I mean, I recognize the possibility that everyone came up with the name on their own --- All the several business of the same sort of type that call themselves this ---- although, it only seems likely that there was inspiration involved in some of these business from other business. I only seems likely.

If everyone named themselves this through their own personal inspiration in their own mind - fine --- it's just to me, considering my history of being an Avril Lavigne fan and just seeing this comic book the other day --- to me it feels like the business was named after my online moniker.

The confusion about what is likely true is extended by this example:::

Last year I released BLAINE BANANATREE the videogame on OUYA on CANADA DAY.

It was later I discovered, after looking up my game on Youtube, that a Canada-themed production company had made a youtube video called "The Bananatree Song" --- and they pre-dated it to a couple years before I released my video game.

This is so amazing. It's either I inspired them or they somehow, telepathically, inspired me.


I came up with blaine bananatree after a session of brainstorming. It is mostly coincidence that it just happened to be released on Canada Day.

And then a canada-themed company releases very similar topics on youtube --- predated.

I mean, wow. Wow. either I inspired them, or telepathic thoughts enter my mind. Those are the only two options.


It kind of drives me wild to see this stuff.



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But Google/Youtube have been very good about telling me about the plight of the American College/University Student/Graduate.

Me myself, with only ~$700CAD of debt right now and a generally positive networth, have quite an advantage over the heavily debt burdened majority who took a different path than me in life.

I mean, I might never own my own house, I might never learn to drive a car ---- but my business efforts seem to have hit the socialist glass ceiling because being unsuccessful at my business is like the only thing giving me some level of "economic equality" with all the people who are far-worse off than I am.

yes --- basically, to me, all teports show that I have hit the socialist-glass-ceiling, because my business is doing pathetically. Either no one is buying, or my money is just paying back the government for all the disability help they've given me. Or something like that.

yeah. Um. Basically just been watching videos about other people's, generally american's, massive debts, and I feel blessed, even if my business isn't doing so well, and I'm generally ranked at the bottom of the ranking on the Micro-Console rankings.

It feels like a socialist-glass-ceiling to me.

Anyway, because the business named after me is providing jobs, and because I'm inclined to forgive because I've always been told to forgive, I'll just let this business continue on -- so people can have their fun and live their lives, because I think I may have hit the glass-ceiling, and though I feel bad about how bad I suck at business, I know i am actually living a pretty good and decent life, and I don't need to bear down on anyone else, in fact, just helping others is desirable, although I am limited because I am not an automobile operator.

Anyway, yeah --- just confusing, how comparable I see myself with other business and wondering who inspired who, while realizing I am totally advantaged compared to so many other people and I should just chill.

Feeling Honoured

Last night I got an email, from an organization that who knows how I ended up on their mailing list, an organization which I will call a "socially conscious public works group".

In this email, they talked about how to help people feel loved, kind of like how the comic I mentioned in a past post helped me feel loved --- seeing how I felt loved by a comic and how this public works group wanted to spread the love left me with some realization that this sort of thing is real and deliberate.

Well, I recently saw something else that was also obviously real and deliberate, and it's an honour and it's exciting, but I wonder if it's the kind of thing to talk about publicly.

Today I was riding around my city ---- and basically I saw a business named after one of my online monikers.

That moniker I chose for myself, by myself, and for certain reasons I am pretty certain this business was actually named after me. So yeah, I'm very honoured to see that.

I don't want to publicly say what the name is or what the business is, but it's a city-local business and anyone with inside knowledge of me would see the direct relationship between what I call myself and this business.

I think I should send another donation to Avril, even just to let her know about this exciting stuff. I am a man of few friends, and she is someone I would talk to.

Oh --- and as for having few friends, on my journey to Waterton Lakes National Park, my family encountered a NORSE-AMERICAN who we chatted with, and in the conversation I learned that according to the norse, the stereotypical finn is actually typically introverted.

So besides being a game developer, I am just being stereotypical as a half-finn to be so introverted, apparently.



So, I'll just mention that it can really pay off to be a good student in school, and to follow the scout motto to do your best. There were some right ways in which I was raised, even as a mormon.

And as for the mormons --- it has become clear that the LDS Patriarch who blessed me, (who is now deceased by the way), was actually correct in some of the predictions he made. Maybe he based his prediction on "obvious" factors like how I was a good student, but whatever the case, he seemed to have some idea what he was talking about. Huh.

Friday, August 26, 2016

My Reading

This morning I posted about health and nutrition, which seems like it was a somehow psychically-inspired post, because later today I realized that today's the day my family is going to see the family nutritionist, so yeah, whatever the relationship between plans for today and what my mind wanted to talk about, which seemed like a good feel-good news story for my blog - in it's way.


But now, I am going to talk a bit about what I've been reading.


For the camp at Waterton Lakes National Park I went on --- I was at a dollar store and bought a book sitting on the shelf. I'm only half-way through the book, but I see ideas or themes in the book that sort of remind me of myself, but mostly remind me of a good friend of mine, or at least someone who used to be my friend, before I went crazy.

Well, it's good to see that someone I once was friends with also seems to have a little bit of "fame" - so I can stop thinking about myself, and be reminded of him.

Anyway, yeah, just a book that reminds me of my friend --- and I'm only halfway through.





Yesterday I was at a grocery store where I saw a comic book in the magazine section. I don't normally see comic books like this in the magazine section, but for some reason I felt a great urge to buy this comic book, so I did.


Anyway, though it is pretty separate from myself and my work, it does bear some resemblance, as if it were inspired, by my own work.  This is actually a feel-good thing for me, imitation and flattery as it goes, makes me feel loved in a world where it's hard to get paid ---- so I can appreciate this comic ---- but yeah, it's use of Nautically eaten Carrots, Banana Split Puns and use of the word "Moron" and seeing how it's out just weeks after my latest video game, causes me to feel loved in that I might've inspired the famous-creators of this comic.


Anyway, yeah, just what the stories in the comic talk about remind me of my own work, pretty specifically, although the stories are different and only lightly touch in relation to what I do. It's just that 3 matches like this in one comic book is probably more than coincidence (to make me feel loved) especially after release of my latest videogame.

Anyway, just noting this on by blog::: in a world where people don't pay for things, where trolls abound and life feels so abused sometimes, it's nice to see some "imitation" flattery from more famous individuals. Because, seriously, 3 matches and it must've been inspired by me, which helps me feel better and loved.

The Good News

With my last post which contained much sad and negativity-related content, today I feel so much urge to talk about some good news.

One thing I find at least moderately interesting, is medical science. Or at least, how medical science relates to my own health (and I am not a doctor).

When I was young, I was far less interested in biology and medical stuff. I had absolutely no aspirations to be a doctor.

But having been involved in Canada's socialist health program for so long, it's not hard for me to develop some interest in health-related topics.




How is my personal health? (Not that anyone really cares, but maybe a medical scientist might).



I feel such an urge to talk about about my health, although I'm not sure writing along post is good, though a long post might be necessary to get into detail.



Basically: I'm good.


Psychiatry as been good for me. Paliperidone Invega is a great drug, even with the massive weight gain I experienced.

In fact, the fact that I am rather "chubby" might be in itself good for my brain::: I have learned that fat, or at least some kinds of fat, are good for the brain, and basically, being a bit or rather chubby might actually be good for my mental health.

My empirical data for this goes like this:::: When I was really skinny, my brain wasn't doing so good. When I'm rather chubby, I am doing a lot better mentally. That is the basics of the science as I understand it.



My mental health isn't perfect, perhaps because I'm likely brain-damaged with genetic pre-disposition to mental health issues, but I think my drug has done me a lot of good, and being chubby helps with that.




As for the food I eat, --- this might be a controversial issues considering the kinds of people who would "not approve" of my diet in different ways ---- but I think I am doing well there. too.


If there's a good thing about McDonald's or really most of our Fast Food here in Canada, it's that there's not a lot of added sugar in a hamburger.

I do live on a fast food-based diet generally, the protein keeps me physically strong (which is really wonderful actually, even if I do weigh a tonne with all that meat) and actually, though so many people disapprove of Fast Food especially McDonald's, I am actually inclined to believe that my fast food diet has been GOOD for me, and that being rather chubby actually just helps my mental health.


When I look in the mirror, I see a rather chubby man, but I also feel good about myself, I feel that I am rather "handsome", in my way.



Anyway, medical science is interesting, and I could probably talk for a long time on what I think I know.



Anyway::: The fat food I eat isn't loaded with sugar, so of course I've never been diagnosed with Diabetes. That's a really good thing.  I'm chubby, so my brain is healthier, and all the beef I get form the burgers I understand right now gets turned into muscle for me, so I am able to stand and walk and do things, even with my extra chub. (I actually have really strong legs believe it or not).



If there's one thing that I'm not doing so good on::: it's exercise.  I am not an athlete. I do get probably maybe the minimum I should in exercise, and I'm not the healthiest when it comes to physical activity::: but that's my own fault and not the fault of my food.




Anyway, when it comes to my physical health, I feel pretty good about myself --- and that's good news.


I feel psychiatry has done wonders for me, and I appreciate fast food restaurants because I'm able to get good, easy, tasty meals without a lot of added sugar.



I remember watching a Ted Talk by a doctor who dealt with people with Diabetes ---- she recommended Fatty Foods and less carbohydrates.


Just understanding what I know, the burger places have been pretty good for me --- just get the diet soda.



In our world, a lot of our regular food items have a lot of added sugar. This is not good for us. And I have been eating a lot of food that actually doesn't have the sugar in it, and I'm happier with my condition because of it I think. I do have some sugar in my life, I fear sometimes that I might even enjoy sugar too much sometimes ----- but my staple diet is actually not sugar based.



Oh ---- and as for my home beverage consumption:::

Most of my sodas are diet. For a while my sugary soda was Pepsi Next, with it's 100 calories per can --- which is a lot healthier, I think, than higher levels of sugar.

With Vanilla Coke coming back to Canada recently, it has been a temptation to drink more sugar, so I can only hope eventually they'll brin Diet Vanilla Coke back to Canada.

But most of the sodas I buy are DIET.



But I don't even drink Soda all the time either::: I love tea and coffee, and have the odd zero or less than 0.5% alcohol beer.


I hear green tea is really good for you, and coffee also has health benefits.



Anyway, I guess I can stop blabbing on about my health now:


the basic way I feel about my health is good news::: I AM DOING GOOD.  If one thing could be improved, it would be my exercise habits.



The information in this post is my personal opinion with my own basic medical understanding::: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Why people hate me?

In the past 24 hours, I can see reported on Blogger than people from 9 (nine) different countries have visited my blog.

I look at my Amazon.com page for The Book of Finch, and realize that most people don't leave any reviews for my books, most people don't pay a dime, and of the reviews that are left, so many of them are so low rated (eg 1 star) that I can't help but wonder if I'm just hated.

You see my life has just been very shitty since the beginning. From being seriously assaulted by a sibling, to being hypnotized to kill people by the kids at school ---- my life has been so absolutely shitty it can be seen as no wonder why people hate my book so much --- my life has just been so utterly fucking awful.

But it's a true story, and I can't help but wonder if people just hate the truth.


Anyway. Hmmm.  The Book of Finch, the first book in the series, starts off with so many 1 star reviews --- but by the time you get to the last book in the series, a pirating website said there were almost 10,000 reviews that gave it an average rating of 4.5/5.



Anyway, just kinda complaining about how my life has been so shitty that people can't help but hate me because of how shitty my life has already been, etc etc.



From having a moral compass being instructed to hurt people by the church, to having members of this church bear false witness against me behind my back ---- yes, my life has just been absolute shit.


It's just sad that people seem to reject the value of my true story.



There are lots of Mormon-related books on Amazon, and many of them have high ratings regardless of if they are pro-mormon or anti-mormon ------ but somehow, my life's true story, the life of a seriously abused man, gets treated like shit, yet again.


So sad.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Almost Comical Insight on my iOS media

My last post said I was at a fork in the road, where I could become a politician to try to solve a problem that only tens of thousands of people have much education about according to Youtube --- and that more people would need more education in order to democratically change our society.

I said if people remain ignorant that I could make a choice to just take advantage of the problem.


Well, today, on my iOS media, Tai Lopez released a video (which I haven't watched) about how to send a message to a million people ---- and then on my Apple Music I see a new single from one of my favourite bands, Alter Bridge, that talks about "show me a leader who won't compromise".


Having just recently talked about very relate-able issues on my blog just two days earlier, I can't help but wonder if this is media urging me to take a moral position, and even just try to make an effort to change how our society is run.



The issues with me becoming a politician myself is that it's scary just how mentally ill my family is --- this does not reflect well on me --- and that I have taken many positions in my life which might be viewed in a dim light by so many people.


Personally, I have come  up with ways to view the female sex in a dim light, so it's very interesting that our local NDP MLA (who I supported) is featured on an Album Cover depicting violence against women.


I mean, I like the NDP in so many ways (although if I were to run I'd probably be independent) and it's just interesting how there is a sort of clash with the female sex in my life, and how my local MLA was featured on a music album cover that technically discusses the sort of issue.


Anyway, with the mental illness in my family, with seriously controversial issues throughout my life, I'm not sure I'm the one to solve some problems. although, it would be fun try, maybe, because as a young person I often dreamed of running for parliament.


I am typically throughout my life recognized as an intelligent individual, except for when my brain breaks, as is seemingly common in my family.




Anyway, just interesting that the things I spoke about on my blog two days ago seem to have just been directly responded to by a favourite musical group and an educational speaker. It just seems that way to me --- as if they are telling me to shoot for the moon or whatever, to try and make my fix for society.



Besides declaring the Mormon church to be a public nuisance, economically, for Canada, I would just have the government print money to pay off all the bonds the government owes, and never borrow money into existence again ---- I would direct the government to just spend money into existence. It's easy enough, it might create a bit of inflation, but I'm open to ideas about how to get rid of the debt, and just printing money and spending it into existence is the best I can think of.

Who would be opposed to this? Anyone who stands to benefit from Canada Savings Bonds, essentially. :)  But hey, I'm just posting this solution here in the hope that someone else will learn and take up the charge, because I've got enough problems in my own life that might hold me back.


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Today, in my talk with my father, I will just mention a little problem with LDS Mormon Doctrine, that is irreconcilable and proves they are a dishonest church:

The Mormons teach their people to become like GOD, to try and be like JESUS. They even wrote songs about this concept.

The Mormons tell their people that they are REQUIRED to FORGIVE EVERYONE.

But, the Mormons also tell their people that GOD IS VERY UNFORGIVING - THAT IS IS VERY DIFFICULT TO BE FORGIVEN BY GOD.


So basically, the LDS church tells us to always forgive everything, but then tells us we're trying to become like a God who has a hard time forgiving.

Think about that for a moment--- let it process ---- it should become clear the LDS church is lunacy. But anyway.

Monday, August 22, 2016

At a "fork in the road" in life

Who needs a college education when you've got YOUTUBE?

I watch a lot of Youtube. Youtube seems to tailor itself into telling me things that I would be interested in knowing, or things maybe I should know.

What's sad is, there are a lot of very educational videos on youtube --- but I look at their view counts and see that practically no one has seen them. OK -- I'm saying 50,000 views is still practically no one considering the size of Canada or the USA.

It's very interesting how we live in a democracy, and we the people are supposed to be in charge --- but certain modern speakers of our era have declared that most people are actually very stupid, and I am inclined to believe this.

You see, when video game videos or "Let's plays" garner so many hundreds of thousands, even millions of views, you know what people are watching ---- while some EXTREMELY educational and informative videos have much smaller view counts, and if everyone just knew about these videos, there could be massive tectonic shifts in how our society operates.

One thing that's going on in my life, and I think Google, or someone, might be watching me or know this about me (and I realize this because of the videos in my Youtube feed) --- is that I paid off my debt last month. I charged up my debt again this past month, but I'm going to pay it off again very soon, and have in fact cut up my credit card and am planning to cancel my overdraft protection on my chequing account, so I can start to consistently live in positive balance territory and even save money.

This is where youtube comes in:

I'm at a fork in the road for my life. One thing I thought I could do to save money would be to buy High Yielding Bond ETF on the stock market, and collect lots of interest.

The interest for me, however, is debt and a payment for someone else.

And google has been very good to educate me that debt is a huge problem for a lot of people.


First: I don't think if I invest in bonds will in the slightest affect other people's debt, because I've learned that even if there's no money in the bank to loan out, that the bank can pretty much just print more new FIAT currency to loan out ---- so, technically whether or not I personally invest in bonds I don't think will make much of a difference --- but Google has been trying to shame me about the idea of holding people, essentially, in debt slavery.


First off::: I was educated enough in school to figure out how to pay off my own debts - so that's an accomplishment. If everyone could just read the right books or listen to the right instructors, well, that knowledge could be power for them. Personally, I found investing to be extremely useful in paying off debt --- but it is very important to learn good investment tactics.


Anyway, secondly, if people knew about how central banking worked and how messed up the economy truly is with the national debt (and so on and so forth), they could easily, in a democracy, figure out a very easy and simple solution to the problem.

Remember the "Occupy" movement from several years ago? That movement was headed in the right direction I think, but looking at the view counts of these certain educatioinal youtube videos, I don't think most people have the foggiest idea how the system really works or the very simple solution they could use to fix it.

So, back to my fork in the road:::

Should I become a politician to clean up the national economy, or should I just leave things the way they are and use 'the way things are' to my personal gain?

Unfortunately, I don't see much change likely ever happening unless people find the right education and figure out the problems, and knowing how most people aren't the brightest, this isn't likely to happen.


Basically, people's ignorance is their own demise, and my blog is not popular enough to spread the word far or wide enough to change things around here.

With my own father, I try to explain things to him and he often doesn't seem to care about the actual truth or how to solve it. I'm afraid this will be a problem with most people.

"if you can beat 'em, join 'em".

If people can't pull their heads out of the sand, get educated, and figure out solutions in a public forum, then the solution likely will never be found, and I will be extremely tempted to just take advantage of the way things are myself.

Democracy works when large portions of the population make decisions together, and have discussion::: unfortunately, I'm afraid most of the population is content to just watch "Let's plays" rather than get educated. It probably also doesn't help that there's a certain portion of the population which is essentially just trolls who don't care about the common good or anybody's welfare, but anywho.

There are some interesting and simple solutions to certain problems, but people's ignorance is their own demise. If people are to ignorant to change the way things are, then I just may be inclined to take advantage of the way things are myself --- as I understand some of how things work.


And really, when so many people downloaded my work, read my books, yet couldn't pay the smallest price for my efforts, it's not hard to want to take advantage of the system.