Saturday, October 22, 2016

Ghost Sex

I was sitting here today thinking about things, and a topic I've discussed before crossed my mind, and then I realized Halloween is coming --- So I'm going to write about this topic again:

Ghost Sex.

Whether it be a demon, an angel, or a dead person::: in my personal experience it is all too clear that the world of unseen beings is very capable of interacting with the living, even sexually. I have had numerous experiences, personally, in my own life, of having sex with the invisible.

OK -- I know a lot of people out there don't believe in Ghosts, and therefore I was just crazy and hallucinating --- so whatever, OK, i get a disability payment which I totally deserve at this point, but some of us DO believe in ghosts, so here's what I'm explaining:

In some Christian Churches, there are Demons that exist who come along and sexually stimulate people. I read in a Mormon book that there's a Mormon belief that the dead may return to the world of the living and cause sin as a ghost in the living beings.

Personally, in my own life, there are many possibilities about what may have caused me to become sexually activated in my youth --- But the one I believe in the most is the likelihood that a recently-deceased relative had sexually molested me after her death.

Some people say it's hormones, maybe someone drugged me without me knowing, or maybe it was just a ghost with too much child-love.

Whatever the case is::: How often to young men get sexually abused by ghosts or demons, how often are our hormones just too powerful and beyond our own controls ---- how often does the church or society punish and abuse young men who are subjected to the molestation?

You see, a guy doesn't have to choose to have sex in order to be driven to have sex. A guy can be driven to have sex without his own free will being involved in the act ---- whether it be a ghost molesting or just overpowering hormones.

So, either an environmental variable has molested a person, or the person's own chemistry is too powerful ----


You see, my psychiatrist pointed out to me that sexual urges can be so strong in men that masturbation is actually useful in avoiding sexual assault.

In some men, the urges are just so strong they HAVE TO HAVE SEX --- so what's better, masturbation, or fornication or worse?

Though masturbation is the most tame and harmless way to release sexual energy --- In my experiences Churches jump on any chance at all to torment a young man about his inclination to avoid sexually assaulting someone.

That's right::: I chose not to sexually assault someone and now the church torments me about it.

So freakin' smart.

Anyway::: MORMONS should technically believe in dead people returning to the living and causing sin because it is written in their book ---- and I do personally believe that people do have sexual interactions with the world of the invisible, and that young men may even get molested by the unseen

so if a young man has been molested by a ghost --- HOW CAN THE CHURCH JUSTIFY TORMENTING, CRITICIZING and CONDEMNING a young man for the ABUSE they've already BORNE?

For a church that says they "are required to forgive all men" ---- they sure do get awfully upset about a little harmless sin that may have actually been caused by a ghost.

And if it was caused by the boy's own hormones:: what would you rather he do, masturbate or worse?

Besides, in Elder Vaughn J Featherstone's talk "A Self-Inflicted Purging" young men are expected to use their magic powers to stop masturbation urges in their own bodies. The term used was "transmute" --- that's an alchemy term, and alchemy is in the realm of magic, so the general authority said young men should use their magical powers to stop themselves from having masturbation urges ---

except in my experience if a young man starts having magical experiences the church will just start using psychiatric medication because of how crazy the magic is ---- so I really have no f***ing clue anymore.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

PM was in a LiveStream Today

I was playing around with my Forge TV this morning, and I quit the game and saw on the video feed a CBC video saying they were holding a LiveStream of the Canadian Prime Minister giving a speech.

I turned on the LiveStream. I was a bit early, thankfully, so I didn't really miss anything.

The location and time of the LiveStream was a newly opened Amazon Fulfillment Centre in Brampton Ontario.

The Prime Minister was there to essentially gloat about Canadian business and economic opportunities.

And this relates to me, because I kind of have to wonder if this speech today had anything to do with how a Market Research Company with a Federal Profile called me on the phone last night (although, I wasn't there to receive it).

I guess the Government, with yesterday press release and phonecall, are telling me that they realize I'm here, and they consider me to be a business of some sort, and basically it was kind of like praise or recognition for my efforts I guess, seeing as how today the Prime Minister was gloating about Canadian Businesses.

So, I guess I'm visible enough to the Canadian Marketplace or Economy or Government or whatever that they even recognized me and contacted me yesterday before this big event.

Special me. Just like all the other businesses.

But to be honest, I guess I should admit that Amazon DOES play a technically BIG role in my business, as they are the only legitimate resellers of my ebook (as of a while ago) and they sell my paperbacks, and they are a portal to get the Forge TV and all.

OK. So, I've been noticed. Special.

I have had dreams of selling millions of my currently released projects and being able to build a real video game company or whatever --- with actual employees ---- but I haven't really been paid much beyond my provincial disability, so I'm not creating any corporations or hiring employees when I can't feel certain that people would actually buy my stuff.

And without people paying me, it feels hard to want to continue --- I definitely feel encouraged to continue, especially with recent events mentioned above ---- but doing the same things over again might be like beating a dead horse with a stick ---- so I'm not quite sure what my next step is right now.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Exciting Stuff

When Japanese Disney emailed me offering lots of money, I misunderstood a lot and everyone around me thought the whole thing was fake, so though they still send email, I'm not inclined to translate every little message --- and that's going nowhere, especially if it is fake.

But for the longest time in the past years ---- no one ever phones me. Maybe two years ago or whatever I might've met up with someone I once knew in high school and visited ---- but other than that, no one phones me.

The only recent phonecalls I have ever received were from those Binary Options people after I was slightly interested in what they were saying --- but I ended up shutting that down because they phoned too much and it started to seem, or kept on seeming, kind of wrong.

Well, today I was busy, but I came back and found that my Dad had received a phonecall --- for me.

OMG. This like, NEVER HAPPENS out of the blue.

So I looked up the phone number online::: it had a Canadian Government profile for a market research and data collecting company.

O M G.

Just earlier today I received a press release (which has pretty much never happened before) for a media event and the Government of Canada was attached to that ----

and now a company phones me --- and this company has a federal government profile ---

I am actually feeling excited.

Not sure what else to say --- other than this is the type of thing a person would usually keep to themselves, except it's so exciting to me and I hate keeping secrets.  Somethings I don't tell people, often names and places, but I like to talk about whatever.

Anyway. Yeah. So most people probably wouldn't blog about having received a phonecall ----

but I never receive phonecalls, and when I see the government has some attachment to this stuff, it's just kind of exciting.

What could a market research and data collection company want to know from me? yeah, I sell things, but I don't usually get paid much or anything. hahaha.

Received a Paranormal Investigation Press Release

I stupidly said the event was on October 27th, it's actually October 25th at 7:00pm

So, Yeah, I kind of messed up there. I fixed it though, very quickly. No idea where I got October 27th from, unless I'm a little bit weird in the head and though the 7pm part went into the date. Yeah.

Uh, so I screwed up originally, according to the email it's at October 25th 7:00pm and the link to the livestream will be available on October 25th.

I can't believe I screwed that up -- but I'm glad I was quickly able to fix it.


Well:: It's happened.

Someone who actually knows my personal and private email address, well, somehow "They" know who I am and I've received a press release in the email. I mean --- this is big news, considering that the names attached to the press release involve APTN and the Government of Canada.

A local event is being held here in Calgary of some kind of Paranormal Investigation of THE PRINCE HOUSE at Heritage Park here in Calgary.

It's a paranormal investigation with an indigenous take on spirituality, because they said in the press release that this is being done by indigenous people and the people in the picture look indigenous.

so I'm told the link to the livestream will be available on October 25th, but the livestream itself is on October 25th at 7:00pm.

Well, it is extremely cool that I actually received a press release in the email --- although I'm not a professional reporter, never went to school to learn that stuff, and I wonder how bad I'm screwing this up.

But yeah, there have apprently been signs of paranormal activity at The Prince House at Heritage Park and there's going to be a livestreamed investigation, which someone from an actual TV Network which works in corroboration with the Government of Canada actually decided to tell me about in a press release. Yay - special me. hahaha.

I guess it would be a good idea to mention that this is from "THE OTHER SIDE PRODUCTIONS INC"

I guess I should also just copy and paste what the email said here:

Ghostly sightings of a woman in the window, loud stomping from the third floor, a balcony window that swings open without explanation. Are these the ghosts of Anthony Prince, the wealthy entrepreneur who owned the house or one of his three wives who all passed away in the house?

The Other Side is thrilled to be working with the production company Bamboo Shoots as they livestream a paranormal investigation of ghostly occurrences.

Be part of the energy of this first time event at the Prince house.  

Then tune in on Thursday, October 27, 2016
For the season premiere of THE OTHER SIDE

Jeff Richards, Tom Charles, Michaella Shannon
Rob King & Trevor Mack

Canadian ghost hunters with an Indigenous twist

Spirits walk among us. Indigenous people know and accept this. But whether they are playful or shy, or angry and violent, they are here for a reason.  

Intuitive Jeff Richards, researcher Michaella Shannon and elder and spirit guide Tom Charles are on a mission to find out why.
Using intuition, ceremony, technology, and sheer nerves, the team engages spirits and humans alike with the hope that both will find peace.

Oh wait ---- it says here this is for local media, that local media is invited. Now I'm not even sure if it's appropriate for me to mention this on my blog.

Oh they're booking interviews and things. Wow. When was the last time I did an interview? OMG.

Well, even if it's almost pointless for me to post this because it says it's for local media, I guess I can just say that I feel special to have received a press release that somehow has government of Canada involvement. Thanks everyone.

I might even watch this myself ---- although I love watching football, and I often end up missing games because I'm busy with other things or completely forget. I should put this in my Calendar.

Sorry people who sent me this press release::: I'm not a professional media identity, and I have no clue how badly you feel I butchered your press release, but thanks for making me feel special.

So, there are RSVPs to set visits, and this says it's for local media, but I wonder if I as a media person should be telling other people about this. Anyway.

How I'm Horrible to my Fans

So::: I've been working for 6 years on my books and video games, and in this time I've had TWO real big fans come up during that time ---- both from overseas.

They'd talk to me, and I'd talk with them, and we were being friendly,

but I have to admit, that I have probably been horrible to my two biggest fans.


Well, the first female fan to come along wanted to be my girlfriend pretty much, and I was perfectly OK with exchanging emails with her ---- but then she wanted to get into exchanging naughty photos, so that's when I canned the relationship. Yeah.

And then there was another fan who was absolutely overjoyed about my existence, and he even invited me to come to his country. I don't get paid enough to travel like that, and well, he was basically as in to me as I was in to Avril Lavigne, and this helped me realize that I've bothered Avril way too much over the years. Anyway, his complete persistence along with a lack of realization on his part that I eventually gave up Mormonism kind of led me to stop talking to him too.

So::: I've had two big fans, who I've talked to, and I eventually stopped talking to. Makes me kind of horrible, but I also kind of had my reasons.


I've received many offers over the recent years or month from people claiming they can make me rich with little education and little effort.

Though it was enticing to me to finally hit it rich after all these years of fruitless effort, I just started to ignore these messages too ---- I often found that they would be involved with this "binary trading" fad that's going around, and I've decided that I don't trust this binary option stuff so much.


And yes, it's kind of sad how with little to no effort or education you can make all the money in the world, but when I actually tried to actually do something with my life and my works I wasn't paid much of anything.

That kind of makes me sad too.

So yeah. Huh.

I'm horrible to my fans --- I don't jump at most quick rich offers ---- and the world is just a real strange place with how they say they pay people for no effort yet effort goes unrewarded. So weird.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

A Mixed Bag of Feelings

I was watching some business news on TV when they talked about the number of international subscribers to Netflix, which was, if I remember correctly, about 3.2 million, and then I turned on my computer to write this post and did a google search for the number of subscribers to netflix.

I then also remembered the supposedly many subscribers to Apple Music in the past year which number is actually quite small compared to the population of western nations.

This might explain why I'm having such a hard time selling product.

People rich enough to afford netflix probably won't be buying Forge TV's, unless they are really rich, and Forge TV doesn't have netflix easily preconfigured.

Basically::: I look at this data and again realize that the world is very poor. There are a lot of poor people, and if those people can't even afford netflix, then of course my products aren't going to sell. At all.

And the thought of countless poor people made me sad.

But, the other day my Dad said I was a little bipolar, so this is what's making me happy:::

I look at my rankings on the OUYA and Forge TV, and I can actually feel good about my positions on those rankings.

I rank maybe 50% to a bit higher than 50% up the O-Rank or Z-Rank usually with my highest game, but that's about all I can expect to hope for on a good day with my games --- So seeing my games ranking moderately at all actually helps me feel good.


Another thing that helps me feel good is though my home and family situation isn't absolutely perfect, it's not that bad either. Things could be better in my opinion, but we've been helped a lot by so much and it's not actually absolutely horrible either.

Sometimes we focus our attention on the negative, but now I'm feeling good about all the things that have gone right in my family. And I mean ---- we have had a lot of good come into our lives, lots of help.

And because the help we received is very community oriented, in fact, socialist health care is a big reason my family is doing as well as it is:::: I suppose I just have to accept that if I sell something it might go to support the community, or something else. (I just have a suspicion that money I get from selling product gets diverted) ---- I mean, seeing how much the community has helped us, I just have to accept that my earnings might be helping someone else. Yeah.

But in all seriousness::: The socialist health care my family has received has been absolutely beautiful::: my family is so messed up in the head I would hate to see where we'd be without the help of psychiatric doctors and a caring community.

It's like a slow torture just to have these problems in our family, but the help we get is worth it and way better than the no-help alternative. We'd be utterly screwed without socialist health care. And that is very sad indeed --- probably one big reason why I'll never personally reproduce.

So::: I'm sad about a lot of the state of affairs in the world, but I am feeling happy that my games are as popular as they are and that the community has helped us so much. Thanks everyone.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

A Grey Cloud with a Silver Lining

Today my Dad took my brother and I out for a trip in the van, and I brought my laptop with me.

As my brother and Dad were in a store looking for their target item, I was sitting in the parked van, writing the beginning of an email to my old psychiatric nurse, about how depressed I was getting about my life.

I got as far as pretty much saying "I don't like my family and I don't want to live with them anymore" and "if I move out I'll never be rich ---- and no one ever pays me for my work so I can't just buy a place".

Anyway, after writing an email getting that far, which email I didn't send, (yet, we'll see if I do) my brother came back to the van, and I decided to save the email as a draft and shutdown the laptop.

My Dad drove and parked at another location, and as my Dad was out doing something at this other location my brother and I sat in the vehicle and I decided just to start telling my brother how I was feeling.

"I don't like my family, I don't like having to live with my family"

"Life is pointless"

"I have nothing to live for"

"Very few people pay me the smallest price for anything I do"

---- To be honest, life has gotten depressing enough for me again that I kind of don't want to live very much anymore, God seems to keep encouraging me to keep going, but I am more and more inclined to pray for my own death these days.

Anyway, I was telling my brother about how depressed I am that I don't want to be living at home, and I have no good financial options for getting out because people don't pay me ---

And my brother said something that instantly helped me feel better, an encouraging statement "You'll get paid eventually" - he said.

It's strange, with all the mental illness my brother has been exhibiting for the past long while, and how it gets on my nerves, and then when I talk to him about my problems he actually said something nice and encouraging to help me feel better.

Well, it helped me feel better what he said, that eventually I'll start to make money.

So my Dad was driving us home, and I asked him to stop at a convenience store, where I got food, drink, and out of the blue I decided to buy a $1 Scratch n' Win ticket.

Sure enough, my mentally ill brother's prophecy came true::: I won $7. I won two prizes on the same ticket, $5 and $2.

I have to say, I felt real good about having some income there. It just makes me feel good to see money flowing into my hands.

So, I was real depressed for a while, saddened by how I don't like living at home much anymore, how i want to get out but there aren't any really good options for me especially because people don't pay me for my work -

and then my brother helped me feel better by saying I would eventually start earning, and then I even won $7 bucks on a scratch n win -----

so today's gloomy cloud had a silver lining.

I just hope my brother's prediction comes true in a greater sense than just one $7 winner.

It just feels so bad that I would put forth all this effort to write this and build that and no one will be bothered to pay the smallest price for anything. It does make me feel sad, depressed, or bad.

And yeah, I talk to God about it, but I don't expect much from God ---- I've long since learned that God doesn't care so much about making me a rich man, it seems, for whatever reason. Who knows - maybe God wants me living with my parents.

But yeah, I've given God many opportunities to make me a lot wealthier, and his help has been considerably limited. Maybe He does just want me living with my parents.