Friday, July 19, 2019

Islands

My Mom and Dad went on a long car ride. She seemed to be feeling better when she got back.


While they were away, I looked at my email and saw a game store advertisement for a game called "Eagle Island".


Considering I wrote a book called "The Eagle's Sore", and my Bananatree games feature "Banana Island" ------ I figured this game might be interesting to take a look at ---- especially as it involves falconry with owls and I've had a long history of avian interest (since childhood).


The game is pretty well done. Of course, I'm the guy who liked PlayStation Classic ---- so just about anything would impress me ----- so this was especially impressive.


I tried and failed over and over and over again. But it was well done, and I can see how it's fun.


I played it with a Logitech controller plugged into my Mac ------- so I don't know about Mouse or Keyboard controls. It works with a real controller though.


And remembering Banana Island from my own video game ------


I decided to do a search for Banana Island, just to see what was out there.


Yes ---- there now is an official and real Banana Island. In Nigeria.


It's a man-made island. Part of a development project. I found it in Apple's Maps app.


You can look it up on Wikipedia ---- very interesting, and especially odd for me to see some of the things about the history.


With games and actual man-made islands going around ------ I can delusionally feel like I'm "somebody" ------ but I never made my money as far as I'm aware so it's just interesting, I guess, how I seem to have impacted the world, whilst at the same time seemingly having a complete dearth of sales.


They say people who work for Jesus don't work for money at the same time. Maybe that's what happened to me.

I Was Over-joyed. My Mom is not.

One of the biggest issues I've had in all my writings for pretty much ever was "What exactly does forgiveness mean to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints anyway?"

I was baptized 27 years ago. And not until YESTERDAY was the non-standard Church's definition of "Forgiveness" was defined in a way that made sense.

D&C 64 --- from the non-Standard Church's scriptures, explains we are required to forgive ALL men ---- but then in other places in the D&C the book explains we are still also required to punish all sins and crimes.


Standard Churches, or most people of the world as I've understood, define "forgiveness" as NOT PUNISHING a person for their offence or crime.


But the non-Standard Church wants all forgiveness and all punishment at the same time. Which didn't make any sense according to the Standard definition.


This had me confused for a very long time.


The non-Standard Church tried to explain the word ----- none of these explanations really made any sense, for all sorts of different reasons.


And to be sure ------ there were multiple different definitions and none of those definitions were exactly the same as each other ----- the one "true" church had a conflict of multiplicity in definitions of what that meant when they said that word.


Well, YESTERDAY I asked the question to a search engine, and the search engine took me to some Random non-Official Church Blog which was actually able to explain the word in a non-standard Church Context (I believe the blog was called "Why Mormonism?").


The definition of the word is "To NOT HOLD A GRUDGE".


This is the giant "aha!" moment for me where I finally understand what they mean by that word,


Where you can not hold a grudge against someone but still punish them for what they did at the same time.


Justice is meted out and you have a non-toxic ever after at the same time.


I was over-joyed. This explanation actually made sense. In the non-Standard Church context.


When my Mom got out of the temple yesterday, and we were driving her home - I couldn't help but chatter for a bit about how happy I was that I now finally understand what the church is talking about, in a way that actually makes some sense.




Well, today is the next morning.


My Mom is not in a good mood.


In fact, I heard her tell my father that she'll have to call someone from the Church to tell them that she will NOT be giving that talk this Sunday.


Not sure exactly what the problem is here, to me it is a mystery of how I finally have that word explained to me, I'm happy, and now my Mom is not happy.




Anyway ------- though in the non-Standard church's context the definition "To not hold a grudge" does make sense ---------



In the context of Jesus' suffering and crucifixion it still does NOT make sense.



Most Christians believe that Jesus was punished so we don't have to be punished ---- that's what forgiveness means to most Christians ---------



But yeah ----- it doesn't quite make sense to me the non_Standard Church's version where somehow Jesus suffered and died so the world would no longer hold grudges.


That doesn't quite make sense.



To be honest, I like the standard Christian version more ----- it makes more sense and is actually practical and useful in making the world a better place ------ the standard Christian way actually does something to make the world a better place.



So yeah ---- I had my "aha!" moment after 27 years where I now understand what the church means by that word,



but my Mom has grown grumpy as if something is now wrong.



Maybe there are some things I'll never understand.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

My Response to Avril Lavigne's Latest Charity, Video and Note

So:::

Avril held a charity event:::: and this time I did not participate.

The easiest answer to give for why is that I recently got rid of my credit card, I spent a whole month not spending much besides food, and then this past month I went on a bit of a spending spree and will have only about $100 at the end.

Not to mention her t-shirt sizes are always too small for me.

And then there's also that her Fanclub seemed to hate me ever since the day I joined. Yeah ----- that's not very inspiring.




Anyway ------ when I saw Avril's new music video, uh, some of the things about it help me realize she may have been making references to me.




And then she released a note on Twitter ---- about dark people seeming like angels and letting go of all the toxic relationship she had and all the bad things people have done to her.



I think I have every idea where that might be coming from, ok, maybe not EVERY idea --- but some idea.



You see, like I said when I first joined her Fanclub ----- I was pretty much hated right off the bat ------ and yes, there were reasons why her Fanclub was actually pretty toxic I would say.



Also::::: At that time, my Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Satins Bishop had just been telling me that Avril pretty much can't be saved or receive salvation, pretty much just because she's a rock star -------


which is a pretty stupid and toxic thing to say.






With her reference to dark people seeming like angels and the toxic relationships she wants to let go of::::::


Could this have anything to do with me, personally?


I know my life had some very bad toxicity in it --- since I was very young ----- and I did tell Avril a bit about it. She may have gotten very disturbed by what I told her about my life ------ because I have to admit that some of the things I went through really should never have happened. But it happened over, and over, and over again. Which is .a real pity.


My own life was "steeped in negativity", as I say in a song I wrote and tried to share with Avril once.


And almost regardless of how bad it got in my life ------ I did try to be a good person.


Does this make me a dark person who seems like an angel? With all the toxicity in my own relationships and all that?


I realize I have to fear the possibility that despite my attempts or drive to be good-natured ---- with all the toxicity I've experienced in my own life I can't help but wonder if Avril is referring to me in any way.


But then again ------- her Fanclub did pretty much hate me ever since I joined and it never really got any better ------- so maybe she's making a reference to someone else or some other people --- who knows.




So with the fear that with all the bad things in my own life that went on ------- I just have to say that I have some of the deepest love and admiration for Avril Lavigne, she has helped me so much with the stuff she has done and I really appreciate her.


She had my gratitude for her work ----- she helped me figure out some things that I needed to know -------


And I'll end by saying that knowing how bad things were in my own life, with how much I love and respect Avril it would be too bad if I am considered one of those people she wants to "close the casket" on. Maybe I am, who knows, but I would hope we can work past the dark times.


I just love her so much, and I would hope she and I can be friends still -------- I just have some fear that all the bad stuff that was in my life might make her want to get rid of me. So yeah.


And though I could suspect that all that bad stuff in my own life experience is something she doesn't like about me --------


It's always possible that she's just referring to a toxic Fanclub (which it was) or the way my Bishop treated her.


Whatever she thinks about me, I just wish to express my deepest gratitude for what she's done in my life, and wish her the best. And I hope she and I can still be friends.

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Some Explanation Found

Last night my Mom asked my brother if he really needs to use one mug for each cup of coffee he makes using the Keurig.

He DOES actually feel he needs to use one mug for each cup of coffee he makes.



SO::::


A few mornings ago when I found two mugs with two K-Cups beside each of them ------ looked like the strangest thing in the world to me ---------


But that, apparently, IS in fact how my brother drinks his coffee, and I'm sure he drinks a lot of coffee.


That explains one part of this story.


My brother does use one mug per serving of coffee he drinks ----- he doesn't reuse the mugs until the mugs have been through the wash.



That explains that then.



So::::: was I really encountering some kind of coffee fairy?



The simple truth is:::::: My brother's answers to some questions would indicate there is a coffee fairy -------


But I already know that my brother doesn't always tell the truth, due to his illness, so there's a huge possibility that regardless of what he says ----- it's actually just him, who knows why- taking my coffee and leaving me some money for it.


Angel: maybe ------ brother: more likely ---------


but that doesn't explain the voice that woke me up the other night. I don't know. There was a voice, and though I don't remember it fully as well as when I heard it ---- I'm sure there was a voice.



What about my chocolate bars and star wars playing cards then?


Maybe sometimes things just go missing ---- which explains the star wars playing cards --------



so those missing chocolate bars were either evidence that there really might be some spectre taking my supplies ------- and I actually don't feel right about accusing my brother each time ---- although with his illness he really might be that confused.



Ah ----- one more bit of evidence -------- I also have two other methods of making Coffee that do not involve K-Cups ----- they involve plain ground coffee -------


I had a large tin full of coffee which I eventually used up so much, almost completely ----- that I gave the tin to my father because he wanted it.


It's the strangest thing ----- after some time my Dad returned the tin to me ------- well, the tin apparently got partially reloaded. Somehow. No explanation.


The tin, when finished, had way less coffee in it ------ and then more coffee found its way in there and my Dad decided to return the tin.



So either my family really is playing some sort of game or trick on me ---------- or there is some magic.



There is no explanation of how a mostly empty tin got partially reloaded.


And that is another thing to mention for this storyline.

Friday, July 12, 2019

Heard a Voice Now

I woke up at about 4:20-4:25am.

I was woken up by hearing a voice.

The voice was male. The best analysis that I could make immediately after hearing it was that it MIGHT have sounded like a young version of my dead Grandfather.

I did wonder if I made the noise myself ---- but I didn't ---- my vocal cords were not feeling operational -------- if that makes any sense to you.



What did the voice say?


It wasn't even a whisper --- it was spoken loudly enough to more than wake me ---- it was a male voice, comparable to my dead Grandfather:


It said "OH". Or "O".


This was about 20 minutes ago.


Yeah ----- this NEVER happens. I was awoken by a voice.


I turned on my bedside light --- I could not see anyone.



Because of the way the voice sounded, I have some reason to suspect it was Grandpa --- and that he's now young again.


My Grandfather actually died last November I believe, shortly before Remembrance Day.


The day he died, I was in the bathroom at a store, when I started to faintly hear "The Last Post" play ------ nobody else reports having heard the song, maybe because I was just alone in the bathroom.


Anyway. Yeah.


I tried standing in the living room, having made some coffee, and saying "Hello? Hello Ghost?" ---- but there is no response --- I am not sure about how to go about doing stuff like this.





When I grew up in the church ---- the church made rumours of magical or spiritual happenings second nature. This kind of talk is what I grew up with.


I never went to the temple, but I hear a rumour that in the temple there are things they aren't supposed to talk about.


Anyway, despite being raised with stuff like this and how it became second nature --- it is just a little weird how the church put me into psychiatry with my beliefs in stuff like that. Just weird about the church yet again.


Not sure what else there is to say.  This morning I was awoken by a ghostly voice. Kind of like Grandpa.




Does this explain the coffee fairy? Just very interesting series of events.

Thursday, July 11, 2019

The Coffee Fairy

I woke up at a bit after 2am this morning.

I did have a cup of coffee.

After sitting around for a while, I realized it was still pretty early so I went back to lay down in bed.

While I was in bed, I could hear someone upstairs.

I eventually got out of bed again and went to have another cup of coffee.

It's the weirdest thing, but I suspect some of my K-Cups went missing again.

I DID hear someone walking around ----- and then I find my coffee supply diminished more than it probably should have been again.

So, I drank my coffee and waited for other members of the family to get up to ask them.

My brother finally got up a moment ago.

I asked him if he was up around that period of time.

He said he was probably awake, but not actually up.

He may have made a bathroom visit.

This does not sound like someone who has taken my coffee. No --- my brother is not the explanation if he is being truthful.




This now seems to be kind of like a Santa Claus thing ---- someone visits in the night to take coffee, and also leaves payments for coffee on the kitchen table during the night.


The coffee fairy. Huh.


This might seem fantastical ----- but I am actually telling truth from real reality.


My coffee among, other supplies, has a tendency, it seems to diminish faster than I consume it.


So --- yeah, this is just something interesting to mention on my blog.


The mystery of the Coffee Fairy.


Not sure what else to say. This has actually been going on for quite a while and I am only mentioning it just now.


The most recent payment during this story's timeline was $10. Usually, the payment is $20.


I guess I can live with that. It actually feels kind of good ---- to be able to actually sell something ----- considering all these years of distribution with nothing in return.

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

I'm serious --- something strange really is going on

I just came back home from a family errand my parents were doing.


Before we left, about 2 or 3 hours ago, I was calling back the dentist about an appointment the dentist office wanted to make for a teeth cleaning.


My dentist is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He's always reminding me about the church whenever he talks to me.


Well, I made the phonecall --- they picked up ---- and very quickly the whole telephone call was just disconnected.


Is this a sign that a ghost not want me to be involved with church anymore? That dentist office is one of the last connections to the Church I have in my life besides my Mom and Sisters ----- so did a ghost just disconnect my phonecall to one of the last traces of the church in my life?


I mean ---- Phonecalls have pretty much never "just disconnected" my whole life -------


So while I'm having spooky experience with Angels buying Coffee ------ Phonecall with Church Dentist office gets disconnected.


Yeah ---- I can actually feel myself tear up about this --- I don't know why.


But that phonecall disconnection is absolute evidence, even proof, of something besides normal going on.