Monday, December 10, 2018

Does School Actually Encourage Grandiose Delusions?

I was sitting chatting with my Mom about what my goals for life should be at this point when I realized something:


In school, one quote you'll probably inescapably hear is "Shoot for the moon --- even if you miss, you'll land among the stars".


I, being one of the top students, of course, was on a path in life that was like that.


When I was in elementary school, the teachers would ask what your plans for your future were, and for me, I would say I wanted to be a missionary and a teacher. These goals were mundane enough that I was able to get by with claiming this as a plan for my life.

But in Junior High School, sin crept into my life, and being honest about the supposed sin was difficult, so according to LDS Belief, in order to be forgiven of my sins, I had to work especially hard for Jesus.

Basically, I had a personal relationship with God, and plans for my future were becoming more and more extravagant --- such as an idea of making a million dollars and working as a lifetime servant of God.

But I could never go into full detail with ANYONE about what my plans for life were.

School would ask what my plans were, but I couldn't say anything. The best I could say on one occasion was "maybe I'll become a video game developer".

I think I remember once, however, that the teacher said whatever your parent is doing, you'll probably end up doing that do. Sadly, all I could say at that point was that my Dad was mostly unemployed, and perhaps my extravagant goals in life were helped driven by the fear of doing nothing with my life.


Whatever the case was:::: By the age of 13/14, the future I was looking towards was VERY BIG. VERY EXTRAVAGANT.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars".



Though I knew I could not reveal my plans to anyone, or mostly not reveal anything, somehow the Latter-Day Saint patriarch knew something of my personal agreement with God and outlined it in my patriarchal blessing.


There's a lot going against the Church these days, but it's interesting to note that the Patriarch knew things which no one should have known, things that were private between me and God.



Anyway::::: The short of it is this:::


Even though school tells us "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars" -----


it's very interesting how likely you are to be considered Grandiosely Delusional if you do that.



There is a whole history of things going wrong in my life ----- but I just think it's interesting that school encourages you to think big-------



I was thinking big, and then I got forced on drugs, and Grandiose Delusions was a part of the reasoning. Also;:: a belief in working miracles. Yes, I was thinking big.


But it's not a lie that I landed among the stars.  I think I've gone completely off course a long time ago, but I did land among "the stars", nonetheless, it seems.


The chances of me fulfilling my original plans now seem hopelessly lost.




And it's also interesting to note how there's so much going against the church in so many ways ---- and yet somehow the patriarch knew things that I had only talked about with God. Very interesting.



The church is wrong in so many ways in the eyes of so many people, and though things went so personally wrong for me in that organization, it's also just plain true that the patriarch knew things and that the miracles appeared to be realistic.

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Avril Lavigne's Album Reveal

I looked at my IPad a moment ago.

There was a notification from Twitter that Avril Lavigne had published a video.

I looked at the video. It was a quick reveal of the tracks in her new upcoming album.

The first track: "Head Above Water" --- we already know that one.

The second: "Birdie" --------- If history is any indication, I might find this song very interesting, as Avril's songs appear to often heavily relate to me, even if only through mentalism, and well, I call myself Finch so yeah.

The third: "I Fell in Love with the Devil" --------- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints expressed their lack of desire to be friends with Avril ------- Avril is now responding to them kindly. What I mean is, I, and numerous other people, have often suspected that the LDS Church is actually a Satanic religion, and as such Avril is expressing kindness to them, despite the fact they rejected her. Interesting.

On the flipside, it could be said, if the church really was the truth, that God rejected Avril through my Bishop, and now Avril has befriended the adversary, which is the story the LDS Church is more likely to agree with, at least on the surface.

yes ----- it's very confusing ------- but by definition what Christianity calls God/God and Devil/Devil the Latter-Day Saints have it as God/Devil and Devil/God. I hope that explains it.


I haven't actually heard these 2nd and 3rd songs yet, but just from the titles, they sound relevant.


Anyway ---- I just thought I'd mention this ---- especially to explain how Avril being in Love with the Devil might be interpreted and then also how confusing the concept can be.

Friday, December 7, 2018

An Example of Holiday Generosity

Today I visited a local restaurant where I get food on the odd occasion.

I bought a $9.50 food item and a $1.00 drink --- GST included in the prices.

So:::: under normal circumstances, my bill would have been $10.50.

But, this restaurant's owner is usually generous::: he often cuts 50 cents off the price on a regular basis.

But when I handed him a $20 bill to pay today, I was surprised to see him hand me back a $10 bill AND a loonie.

My $10.50 meal cost $9.00.

I was thinking about leaving the loonie on his counter as a tip or something, but he seemed to insist that I take it.

Anyway ----- Though I kind of wonder if I really should have left him the loonie, I feel grateful for this restaurant owner's common generosity in commonly reducing the price of his food a bit. He has every right to charge less than advertised, I guess.


I guess this is just me writing a "feel good" story on this blog. Normally, he would just give $10 in change, that would be his normal practice---- but this time he was especially generous with an extra loonie.  So that was just especially nice.


Just a feel-good story to update my blog with I guess.

Saturday, December 1, 2018

Work Update

I woke up early this morning, and thoughts of wondering how I'm going to have my games available on a future system were heavy on my mind.

I heard my disability payment is likely to see a bit of an increase soon, but even with that help on the budget I set, it's going to take probably at least 3 months to save up even just for the cheap new mac mini.

I then realized that I could try using my new refurbished 1.4ghz mac mini with 4gb of RAM as my development machine for Unity 2018.2.

So I installed Unity 2018.2 on that machine.

It's very slow.

And it just becomes a pain when I found out my PS3 controller wasn't being found by the development build of my game.

I thought the problem might be that maybe PS3 was maybe deprecated or something. I decided to go out and buy 2 new PC Game Controllers.

Yes ---- though debt isn't a big problem for me and in a kind of recent post I said I was out of debt ---- well, with all the clothes shopping and these controllers and some Christmas chocolates ----- I am back in a little bit of debt again.

Anyway ------ I tried out the new controllers.

My 1.4ghz Mac Mini could definitely detect and use the controller according to a 3rd party driver I downloaded. But the Unity 2018 build of Air Defence wasn't liking it.

I put one of the new controllers on my old 2012 Mac Mini where I have Unity 4 installed with a Unity 4 version of Air Defence. After a reboot, the new controller worked fine even without special drivers in that version of the game.

I then decided to try again on 2018 Air Defence on the 1.4ghz and found it really was not working. It would really only detect the Left Stick movement.

So, I transferred the App of 2018 Air Defence to my 2012 Mac Mini.

2018 on the 2012 still didn't like the new controller.

So, I booted up Unity 4 Air Defence, set the controls with the new controller --- Saved and Quit --- started up the 2018 version on the same computer and found the controls were, in fact, working.


So:::: The control configurator in the opening window before the game starts of Unity just would not detect anything I tried from a controller on either computer ---- but with the right prefs saved for the game in the Unity 4 version, the Unity 2018 version was all of the sudden able to use the buttons commanded.


I guess I got that far. Hopefully, they'll fix it someday. There's apparently a Unity Asset Store plugin available for $45 that's supposed to fix these issues, but that's a bit expensive for me right now.



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My Family is going to be having some fun for Christmas. I decided that in order to get the kids' help in cleaning up and maybe for prizes or whatever --- that I would have some play money bought from a dollar store to pay the children for their help. And when the fun is over, I'll let them redeem their play money for prizes.


This is in no way important to mention on my blog --- except for one interesting bit of somewhat relevant information::::


$1000 of play money has gone missing. Gone. Like it was stolen. My parents are absolutely certain that no one was touching my stuff.

That means either I can't trust my parents, or whatever force that might've switched out that book or left that note might still be around.

$1000 of play money accounted for about 13% of the total funds I had, in play money.


Anyway ---- it's just so weird to discover it went missing. Either I can't fully trust my family (which isn't a big stretch of the imagination) or who knows.

Friday, November 30, 2018

I Feel Like Posting

I've been thinking of lots to say recently, and although I really have nothing specifically important to say, I've got things in my mind which I feel might be good to talk about.


Growing up, the church had all kinds of "do's" and "don'ts" rules.


Don't do that. Don't do this. Don't do that other thing.


And yet for some reason, I know from experience that even though it was clear in my mind that I wasn't supposed to do certain things, somehow, for some reason, who knows why, I felt like I was absolutely driven, even against my will, to do things which I wasn't supposed to do.


If anything can be called "satanic possession" ---- maybe it's those times when you know you're not supposed to, but you can't stop yourself from doing it anyway. I had enough of that when I was a kid ---- I knew intellectually it was a no-no, and yet I felt driven against my will to sin.


Was it biology? was it "satanic possession"? Or was it the Law of Attraction obeying someone else's desires and I had no choice but to obey a contrary thought?



To be honest ------ I was considered a smart kid. For numerous years running, I was considered one of the smartest kids in the school I attended.


And though I was one of the most brilliant, somehow, looking back, I feel I severely embarrassed myself with some of the really, really dumb things I did.


I may have been considered one of the best or one of the smartest ------ but I was not immune to making really dumb decisions.



The good news is this::::: though we may seriously, seriously screw up in various ways in our lives, we can call upon God to take away our sins and grant us forgiveness.


The other day I was feeling so bad about the stupid things I've done, and I just prayed to God asking him for forgiveness and to take away my sins ------ and I felt so much better very quickly, I felt I had found absolution.  It was a very clear feelings thing ---- going from feeling bad to feeling good and clean and happy again.


So the good news is it's possible to find some kind of redemption.



On a side note::::: Even though finding redemption is really something that's just between me and God, looking back I also notice how messed up it is that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints tries to bring their bishops and priesthood holders into the mix as if you need a human being to validate God's forgiveness rather than just get it from God yourself.

Although here's the thing:::: According to the Miracle of Forgiveness, the Bishop cannot actually forgive you on behalf of Jesus ---- bishops only forgive on behalf of the church. Getting forgiveness from Jesus is another thing entirely according to that book.




And finally, I will say it would have been nice if I had seen great financial success from my work----- but though people typically didn't pay me for my efforts, I feel like I accomplished so much doing what I did for the past so many years.

I had all kinds of thoughts on things I could say about this::: but I think it's enough to say right now that I learned so much from my efforts.

Though I did not profit financially, I learned so much, so I kind of feel like it's MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Hah. :)

These last few paragraphs are mostly to explain why I don't advertise anymore::: I'd be spending all that money on advertising and no one would actualy pay me ---- and now I feel whole, I feel complete, having gotten my messages out there, and having learned what I learned. I'm sure there's lots I could say abou what I learned, but I don't feel like it right now.

Friday, November 23, 2018

I Actually Took an Investment Phonecall

Well, a similar phone number to the earlier phone number called --- and I picked it up.

It was for me. It was the investment thing.

They were wondering if I wanted to invest in "naturally colored diamonds".

I'm pretty sure that's what they said. "naturally colored diamonds".

OK ---------

When I said I was very low on the upper-class scale earlier:::: I think we have different definitions of what that means.


There are two different ways to look at "class" that I know of.

There's the how much you make way, like, upper class would make $500,000 a year. THIS IS NOT ME.

There's the other way of determining::

Lower class buys stuff.
Middle class buys liabilities.
Upper-class buys assets.

I am somewhere in the middle to upper category on this scale. When I consider myself "upper class" ---- I mean I buy assets and have paid off my debt. When I say I'm on the "low" end ---- I mean I'm really not worth much, but at least I'm comfortable and not worrying about debt anymore.


But, diamonds are out of my price range most likely, and really, I'm just on disability.

Yes --- I'm a disabled person who invests. I'm VERY LOW on the upper-class scale.

And I don't want to be taking phone calls about investing. Not normally at least.


Anyway --- both these investment phone numbers are back on the BLOCK list.

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Facebook Contact

I'm just going to mention that the weird banking incidents have continued. I'm not sure I even want to describe it.

I'll say this much:::

One bank was weird.

And then two other banks MIGHT think I was a bit weird --- although it could also be seen just as business as usual.

The bank that was weird today ---- too weird for describing on this blog. Maybe there's an explanation, but really, if I told you it might blow your mind how weird it is.





And then someone DID contact me on Facebook today.


The famous horror author Michael McCarty was chatting with me today. He's a personal friend of The Amazing Kreskin.


What I'll share on this blog about it is this::: he decided to share a couple posts on his blog with me, so I think I'll just repost the links here.

(read the paragraph below the links for a content warning)

https://monstermikeyaauthor.wordpress.com/2016/12/18/graphic-novel-projects/

https://monstermikeyaauthor.wordpress.com/2017/02/01/the-amazing-kreskins-on-liquid-diet-midnight-snack/


By all means, visit his blog if you are interested. However, coming from a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints perspective, depending on what kind of Saint you are, the content of some of what he says might not be to your suiting. But, if you consider the actual truth of church history, then it is just fine. It's just from the perspective of knowing how some Saints try to be so absolutely perfect that such content probably might not be permitted if they really are that extreme about their beliefs. Should I just say some of the content might just be a bit on the adult side? is that all I should say about that?






And I actually decided to unblock that investing company's phone number last night. No, this is not an invitation to call me, I still don't like telephones, but I am having some realization that the call might have been important.



The real problem is when those "binary options" people contact you and never leave you alone. If this is just another one of those "binary options" type investment companies ---- yeah, I'd block them again in an instant. That's the major fear I have about such things.



UPDATE November 23rd (The Next Day):::::

So, there must've been a reasonable explanation for that weird thing that happened at the bank --- whatever it was, it's past now, so I'll just explain it now because since it was fixed it's now less mind-blowing and now more interesting.

I had spent all my money on my prepaid card until I had about $5 left. (plus cents).

I had a $5 fee coming up.

an automatic $2 purchase came up --- I had about $2 left (plus cents).

I put $85 onto the prepaid card, bringing the available credit up to about $87.

The $5 fee came. My new available credit was $90. (mind blown).

yeah --- that was pretty weird to pay a fee and then see the amount of money available to me increase instead of decrease. No, I didn't take any screenshots, but I'm sure of what I saw.

Anyway, the whole reason I'm posting this finally is because later the available credit was set to $82, where it should be.

Yeah, that was weird. Not sure how to describe it other than it was very interesting.