Monday, September 16, 2019

How Accurate are my Memories?

So::: I was thinking that I should probably keep my nose out of telling people who to vote for this election.

This is especially true since over the past couple months I've repeatedly changed my mind.

I was just thinking about when I was young, in elementary school, learning about democracy.

I have memories of being very politically interested as a kid, although I was in a sense "brainwashed" by my conservative surroundings.

I have a memory of a provincial election I think I remember happened when I was in elementary school. I'm pretty sure it was a provincial election.

I told my Dad about my Memory, and he says I'm wrong.

But then again ---- I have other memories of things that I'm pretty sure happened, and my Dad has also told me I'm wrong about those memories as well. But ---- my Dad wasn't actually there when those things happened, so how accurate can he possibly be in his opinion?

Anyway ----- My memory of this provincial election is me asking me Dad who he voted for ----- My memory is a sense of disappointment that he did not vote conservative like everyone else.

But ---- today my Dad tells me he never actually voted for the party I thought I remembered he said he voted for.

So::: Either my Dad lied somewhere, or I'm having memory problems.

Interesting though, is that the party I remember he said he voted for (but now he denies this memory) is the same party I'm currently considering today.

I don't know. He's not a 100% accurate guy I know, so either he lied somewhere, or I'm wrong.

Ah --- I also have memories of meeting Jesus and seeing Angels ------- and people have told me I'm wrong about that too --------- So who knows anymore.

Anyway ----- I have a memory which is apparently very sketchy because my Dad denies it now ----- but it's just me somehow getting the impression that he wasn't always a Conservative.

Actually, and I'm pretty sure of this because we had physical evidence of it in the house ---- my Dad did actually run for Member of Legislative Assembly once (MLA) ----- and he did NOT run as a Conservative! And he lost (of course)! I'm pretty sure of this memory because of the evidence in our house I clearly saw time and time again --- but when he did this I don't think I was born yet.

My Dad just reminded me of something ------ he and I both signed nomination papers once for someone we knew who wanted to run for this party which I am considering today and I thought I was once told he once voted for. He and I both remember this incident.

But I have a memory of my Dad telling me something when I was a kid, and he told me I was wrong today.

No idea.

Other memories I'm pretty sure about he's told me I'm wrong about before too -------

And then there's my paranormal memories which also I have been told I was wrong about.


Well, I was so young for the memory in question I guess I could easily have gotten it wrong over all that time. I guess.

But, I do know 100% that though we have been heavily influenced by our conservative surroundings, we haven't been 100% conservative, and I know this about my Dad because he once ran for a party that wasn't the conservative party. Yeah.

And I guess that's all I have to say about politics now, without trying to tell anyone what to think, especially because I myself am trying to make up my mind. But I have ideas.

Friday, September 13, 2019

I've re-released Blaine Bananatree

My old OUYA game Blaine Bananatree is now up on LBRY for Mac, Windows and Linux.

You'll NEED a gamepad connected to your computer to play.

The channel is @KrisAttfieldGAMES.

It costs about 30 cents of LBRY credits to buy.

The LBRY client can be found at

It's exciting to have a good way to be able to publish games again. Yay.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Maybe I'll Post an update

I said in a past post that I was subsidizing someone else's new equipment so I can get their old equipment for myself to use.

That process is now complete.

My 1.4ghz Mac Mini which I was using as my Unity 4 Dev machine has been replaced by a superior model.

And I have to say, the superior model does run so much better.

I now have my 1.4ghz mini set aside as what I'll call a "testing console". To me, it just makes sense to wipe everything on the hard drive, start from scratch, and just use it for testing.

But with a clean install of the OS, the 1.4ghz mini actually runs pretty well ---- as long, I'm sure, as you aren't doing anything too arduous.

I said in another recent post that I released Air Defence on LBRY and that it has a bug in the mac version and you can't use the keyboard controls.

I'm thinking I might actually release an update.

Upon inspecting a bit more about how LBRY works, I figure it's possible that I can release an update, and that'll make everything so much nicer.

Unfortunately, we'll have to wait about a week --- the only Windows PC in our house belongs to my Mom, and she's away for a while, so I might not be able to test on Windows until she gets back.

I've also done some work on Blaine Bananatree. It's coming along.

Last night I went to sleep thinking very sad thoughts about how no one ever really liked me. I know that's probably not true, but childhood was hard enough and it was just difficult to see an end to tipping.

But then I got another tip. And Air Defence is on the Trending Page. I'm sorted out now. Yay.


I was actually able to test on Windows before my Mom came back --- so last night I released v1.01 of Air Defence on LBRY. Yay!!

The LBRY system is more versatile than I originally imagined it to be.

At first, I thought version control was going to be very difficult ---- but it's actually very easy.


Monday, September 9, 2019

Maybe People Just don't like me

So::: I posted some stuff on LBRY ----- you can earn LBRY credits from sales and tips on that platform ------

I was getting some good tips from some of my videos.

I even sold two copies of Air Defence.

And now all the activity has stopped.

For the past while, there haven't really been tips or sales.

And I think it's just kind of weird how I earned more credits from tips than I did from game sales. That is kind of wind.

Maybe I'm just suffering from that "like like like" dopamine disorder right now.

They say that when people get lots of likes on Facebook that makes them feel good, but when the likes stop they feel depressed.

It's the same for me right now on LBRY. I was getting some pretty good tips for a while. And now that seems to have stopped.

Must be the same kind of thing going on in my brain.

It kind of makes me wonder if people don't like me.

And then I look back on my life and realize, yet again, that even in my own family, my own siblings didn't really like me from early childhood.

No, I just have to think that maybe LBRY credits are in short supply for most people and they just can't pay me.

Or I have to think that they don't have gamepads to play my game with (my game requires a gamepad).

Or maybe they just don't like my preview video. The game might not look interesting enough.

It should be nothing new to me that people don't like me or a dearth of sales ---- that's nothing new ----

But getting all kinds of tips for a little while felt so good

and then it all stopped. And now I'm feeling it. Like that "like like like" Facebook dopamine problem.

I mean, I try to look at my life's story, and see if there's any one spot in my story that might make people dislike me -----------

but that might have nothing to do with it, I realize (with the scarcity of LBC issue), and I also just know that my own siblings didn't really like me from a very young age -------

So people not liking me, in my own thinking, can't entirely be my own fault ---------- it's just that there's a long history of people being jerks to me in my youth and that might just be expectable.

But people not paying me isn't jerkish-ness. It's not

It's just scarcity. People are in debt and poor, and there are a zillion different videos to donate to on LBRY. Rewards are in short supply, especially when compared to my game price.

So, maybe I've already had my success. Maybe LBRY just hasn't grown very big.

There are all kinds of factors why the payments could have stopped -------

the first idea that comes to mind is people don't like me, but then again, people never have,

so it's probably just an economics of scarcity issue.

Is just that "like like like stop" dopamine disorder I guess.

Sunday, September 8, 2019

Slow Machines

I just thought I'd post a commentary about what it's like to use the low-end computing technology.

Right now I'm trying to start Unity 4 on my 1.4ghz mac mini.

It's taking a long time. Very slow. Definitely not a development machine. I have to use my 1.4ghz mac right now in order to do what I'm planning on doing in Unity 4 ------ but if I had a good choice, I'd probably try to use something with more clockspeed.

And then there's my 1.6ghz Intel NUC running Ubuntu.

It's a pretty nice machine, except for running LBRY.

When trying to watch videos on LBRY on the NUC, well, it's I guess what you might call "Choppy". It can't play continuously through the whole video.

What you have to do on the NUC to watch LBRY videos is download the video, and then close LBRY and watch the video in the Totem video player.

Because I'm not super-wealthy, I was attracted to the cheaper hardware.

That hardware is really only good for pretty much browsing, email, spreadsheets and word processing. And simple games.

Something complex like the Unity 4 development or LBRY and the processors just can't handle it very well.

But I guess I'll survive.

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

I've Re-Published Air Defence

Well, with the advent of LBRY I figured I could publish my video games again.

So I published Air Defence for Mac, Windows and Linux.

It's available on LBRY on the @KrisAttfieldGAMES channel.

Be sure to read the README before buying. is the website of the platform.

I've already had one person buy the game:::: and now we're lamenting that I didn't have the foresight to put in full keyboard controls, and that the game requires a gamepad.

Well, my games are ports of OUYA games, and every old OUYA game I publish will require a gamepad -- so that's my excuse.

I recommend the Logitech F310 (I think that's what it's called) --- it can be purchased for about $30. I have two, they're great. Use them a lot when gaming, never had a big problem with them.

Of course, only after publishing the game did it occur to me that I should test the game with my joystick or with other different kinds of configurations.

So far I've found the Linux version is the best.

The Mac version has one small problem, which isn't a big deal, and can be worked around. Kind of. At least now I know for future games that this bug exists.

(and it's a bug with the pre-built Unity 4 software that I don't have much control over).

I don't get to use Windows very much, so I don't know if the same bug exists on Windows --- but the game did work on Windows, so here's hoping.

The best workaround to the small bug I found on Mac can be fixed, if you even want to fix it (because it's not that big of a problem) by switching your Logitech F310 to Xbox mode, installing Xbox 360 controller drivers on your mac, and that does fix the bug.

But it's not a real big bug.

The bug is worst on my joystick on my mac, can be worked around, but works perfectly in Linux.

Oh --- I guess I might as well specify what the Mac bug is::::

The XKey is premapped to Joystick Button 0 in the game.

Changing that mapping in Linux works fine and easy.

In Mac, if you map Joystick Button 0 to Submit and then change XKey to something else, for some reason the computer still thinks the XKey is button 0.

It's not my fault that this bug exists -- it's a preexisting Unity 4 bug I think, but now that I know about it, I'll take that into consideration when releasing future games.

And finally, it comes with the LBRY territory that there's no easy way to update games files. What's done is done. No version control in LBRY. Oh well. Maybe someday I'll learn how to release update patches --- who knows. Oh well.

But, as far as I'm aware, that bug exists only on the mac version ---- so if you do as the Readme says and install it in a Linux Virtual Machine -- the Linux version works a little bit better.

The game is set to cost about 30 cents USD.

Monday, September 2, 2019

Today's Scripture

My scripture of the day today is:

Ecclesiastes 1:18.

"For in much wisdom is much grief: he that increaseth in knowledge increaseth in sorrow."

This is my scripture of the day today because it sums me up pretty well.

I would say that I am a man who knows quite a bit ------ but I look at my life and I find so much of what happened to be entirely regrettable.

Since the day I was baptized::: I was trying to be the best I could be.

But other people evidently weren't trying to be the best they could be --- and there was nothing I could really do to change that.

And it is oh so regrettable, looking back.

I actually feel sorrow enough in my life. I just realize, with my knowledge, how wrong things were --- and I don't enjoy the memories or the feelings they produce.

Is there comfort for me? yes there is actually:::: from time to time I'll feel myself start to feel better, as though the holy ghost is comforting me.

I have enough knowledge and wisdom and life experience that it is actually kind of hard for me to be happy.

BUT::::: seeing Ecclesiastes 1:18 actually brings me comfort as well - because an ancient text understands and realizes what I'm going through ---- this phenomenon was not unknown even in old times.

So - that's my scripture of the day.

I just have so many regrettable things I remember. And I couldn't change much of any of it (because I don't control others).